Monday, January 24, 2011

oh happy day

I'm so glad that my clock says 4:06 and that Monday is almost over. I dread Mondays. Last night i didn't want to go to bed because I didn't want to wake up and face Monday. This morning I stayed in bed as long as possible because I still wasn't ready; hence, my hair is dirty and I appear rather disheveled.

The irony about that is my insides are disheveled too. Mentally, I'm all over the place. I don't think it's a good or bad thing, just simply where I'm at lately. I have a job where I'm physically present 5 days a week. I have ideas on a future path that I think I want to take, but honestly, it all feels so muddled. I'm scared of the new and complacent in the present and it's confusing me and if I let it - it's overwhelming me too.

So far, 2011 has been trying. When the phone has rung, it's been bad news more than good and I can't help but feel it weigh me down a little. My prayer list, though filled with things to be thankful for, is also populated with loved ones dealing with sickness, fear, doubt, and uncertainty. As for praying for my own direction, that's been null and void lately, which could be why I feel like walking through things blindly, just going through the motions, wondering how I even truly feel about anything.

My personality is to kind of marinate in my self doubt and pity concerning my frustrations and pout and question why those around have to go through hard stuff too. My inclination is just to wish that I lived in Neverland and have eternal weekends. A land without Mondays. A land without having to define your career path, a land without having to figure out "how to do what you love and still get paid for it". A land with all leisure and no tough choices.

The fact is that no such land exists. The fact is, I'm at this place in my life now for a reason-so are the others that are going through a valley. The fact is, the real world is better than any Neverland could be because it is real.

I'm thankful for a faith that won't let my personality win this one. That I can have hope and wisdom if I can just let go and trust.

James 1: 2-5
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But, let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 

This blog that I was introduced to has been an inspiration as well. It takes a village to "raise" a quarter life crisis-ed late 20's woman. Faith, a blog, friends, family, books, exercise. ha. Anyway- Here's the link. (Thanks, Daley!)

Good-bye, Monday, see ya in 7, hopefully in a clearer state :)

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