Friday, July 30, 2010

Will you???

I can't handle this subliminal marketing anymore.

Okay, so at the end of yoga, almost every time, the teacher ends the class with, "See you tomorrow. Namaste." I understand that yoga is meant to be practiced everyday; therefore, the "see you tomorrow" is logical. BUT, I am tempted to think... Will you??? Will you see me tomorrow?? Maybe I don't want to go to yoga tomorrow. Maybe I'm canceling my ridiculously expensive membership at your studio?? We don't know for sure if "you will see me tomorrow".

You may or may not see me tomorrow. Namaste. 

So, today, I'm at Eatzi's minding my business. I'm leaving with my salad in tow and one of the Eatzi's employees gets the door for a couple of us ladies on our way out and has says, "See you tomorrow!" ppppfffffttttttt. Will you??? Will you see me tomorrow?? I actually don't think you will because I can't spend $10 on lunch everyday, but it's a nice idea Eatzi's guy. See you in a month when I feel like splurging.

home of birds, samples and the over-priced salad.

I'm forced to ask, what's next??? I go to Neiman's to purchase my first real Louis Vuitton and I get the "see you tomorrow" from the salesgirl??

The only people that will truly  "see me tomorrow" are the people at RPI and Robert and honestly they don't even know for sure. i.e. "RPI, I quit." or "Robert, I'm going to go Eat. Pray. Love." (honey, I'm kidding, that would never ever happen. I love you.) Anyway, if complete strangers could please refrain from their sure statement of "seeing me tomorrow" that would be great. Can I just decide whether or not I want to "see you tomorrow"??

All for now.....I would say see you tomorrow, but I'm just going to leave that ball in your court. winky face.


Last Tuesday our electricity went out. After calling the electric company and learning it probably wasn't going to be on for hours, we decided to go see a movie. Nothing was playing except for Despicable Me and we just weren't in the mood for that business, so we decided to go to Barnes and Noble and loiter. I felt so "college". I loved book stores in college, I think they made me feel productive even when I wasn't. During this trip to the book store I discovered that Chelsea Handler has another book out. (Rhonda, I'm sure you've already read it. Rhonda has been to a book signing of Chelsea's and met her. Chelsea told Rhonda that she liked her shirt. Yes, true life.)

Anyway, upon this observation, I began to think..."Chelsea Handler can crank out three books? Why oh why can't I??" Granted, Chelsea has her "people" working for her, a show on E, is a successful stand up comedian, has great BS, Chuy and many other things I don't possess, but really why can't I do that too??

Today it hit me why.

If you know anything about Chelsea, you know that the girl likes to have a cocktail (or two). Nothing wrong with that. Last night, I had a cocktail (or two) and today, I'm not feeling my best, but my mind is sort of jiggly and free from last nights flooding of alcohol and oddly I'm in the mood to just write. I always want to write, but I also always care what people will think, I care a lot less right now and I choose to attribute that to the pinot and vodka last night. So that's it, Chelsea's freaking hangovers are helping her crank out these best sellers.

Are you there vodka, it's me, Alexis? ppppffffffttttttttttt.




(okay, maybe i'm glad i don't have a book of memories of one night stands. blame that one on the vodka to, Chels.)

What are we???

Robert sent me this article this morning:

Along with this question, "are we young adults?". My initial thought was, "well, hell, i don't know..." Are we young? Compared to our parents....yes. Compared to the current cast of Real World: Back to New I can tell you I sure don't feel "young" after a night of drinking. Alexis used to be able to have 3 mambos and function the next day. Now, Alexis has one mambo and is very ill for at least TWO days. What is this? Get it together body.

20 year old fetuses

i google imaged baby boomers and this came up 

Also...are we adults? If you were with me at the Loon last night, I think you might answer "no" to that question on my behalf. I wasn't dancing on tables or anything, but I'm remembering setting my drink down multiple times at random places then coming back to it and drinking it. To that I say: TGIWR or Thank God I Wasn't Roofied. On the other hand, earlier in the day I bought a baby gift for a friend of mine. I have a friend with baby. Does that mean I'm an adult? I don't know. Idk. Idontknow.

Regardless, I like where we are. Whatever this phase is I welcome it. Hello late 20s, come on in.

(sidenote on the article: Dallas didn't make the 10 great cities for young adults, but Salt Lake City did? Please. Those people don't even have caffeine over there.)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Belated Bachelorette Blog: Overnight Dates and Frank…and Nicole

Okay, so obvi, there was no Bachelorette recap last week. I know wtf is up with that and on such a pivotal week too? Hello?! FRANK AND NICOLE. I won’t bore you with what prevented the blog from going up, but I’ll just say it was due to actually being busy at work last week. I know, how lame. No one at my office got the memo that “I’d rather be blogging” – someone needs to needlepoint that on a pillow and sell it in Sky Mall.

Anyway, since last weeks’ episode was so DRAMATIC, I simply don’t want to act like it didn’t exist, so here it goes…..Belated Bachelorette Blog: Overnight Dates and Frank…and Nicole....

not about you

all about you, you diva.

This episode had to be great for all of you Ali haters (clearing my throat, Robert Scarff). I mean, this whole season, I thought Ali was the Bachelorette and I thought this show was about Ali finding the love of her life. Nope. Wrong. It has actually about Frank finding the love of his life. It was as if Frank said, “So, Ali, you thought this episode was about your overnight dates and choosing 2 guys to meet your family? Well, it’s actually about me and who I am going to choose and I’m going to prove it by bringing a camera crew with me to walk all over Chicago and go to Nicole’s apartment.” Speaking of… long did it take for Frank to get to her apartment? It took forever! There were like 5 shots of him crossing the street! Take a cab, Frank. You’ll have plenty of time to brood in there. (sidenote: Surprisingly, no shots of the water in Chicago. Did you know Chicago has a river that runs through it?!)

Then we meet Nicole. That chick is forgiving. I mean, think about it. It’s not like Frank just “dated other girls” after they broke up. He went on a national television show proclaiming not only that he wanted to find love, but saying that he WAS, in fact, falling in love with Ali. Yet, all the while, he was couldn’t stop thinking about Nicole. Maybe don’t go on a reality tv show where the goal is to find a soul mate if you’re not quite over your ex, Frank? There are other ways to “find yourself”.  Still Nicole proves the statement that “love is blind”. She says something along the lines of, “since Frank has left she has felt that a part of her is missing…” aka “you had me at hello” – Jerry Maguire style. Deal is done. Frank loves Nicole. Nicole loves Frank. Now, what to do about this pesky, “falling in love with Ali bit??”

Meanwhile in Tahiti……

It’s Roberto’s date up first and he and Ali frolic about in a heart shaped lagoon. It seemed a little too shallow to make out in for my liking, but they made it work, so kudos to that. Later at dinner (at which Ali is practically wearing lingerie) Roberto reveals while profusely sweating that he is falling in love Ali. Whether or not this is true, I don’t know. I can’t really tell you anything that they discussed this whole season besides how good looking Roberto is. Ali asks him, “do you see us together in the future?” He assures her that he does. Shouldn’t she just know that at this point? Is it necessary that it needs to be stated? I guess so.  Once this is out of the way, Ali hands Roberto the letter from Chris Harrison. I’m guessing Roberto really has no idea what this letter says because he hasn’t wasted countless Monday nights watching this black hole that sucks you in/The Bachelor and The Bachelorette series as I have. He’s a little uncertain on how to respond, then catches on that they get to spend the night together and is all about the fantasy suite. Next up we get a scene of Ali taking off Roberto’s shirt. I thought I was watching a soap opera on the Spanish channel for a second, but I wasn’t.  Then we get the shot of the curtain closing……and scene.

Second date we’ve got is Chris L., we’ll just shorten it to Chris, since Chris N. is no longer with us (frowny face). So, Chris and Ali are on a boat, boozing, talking about how great the hometown date was, laughing it up and soaking in the sun. Other things happened (bear with me it’s been a week) and what I remember next was Chris and Ali picking up clams in a scenic bay and finding pearls. Ali says her relationship with Chris is like a pearl, slowly growing into something really beautiful. Clever, Ali, very clever, I see why you landed that job at Facebook. It’s just all so unrealistic at this point, I mean they are mining for pearls, put them in a real relationship situation and then she can say that their relationship is something really beautiful, i.e. like running into Chris's ex-girlfriend at the store? Idk. Saying that, I did notice much more chemistry between Chris and Ali than I did with Ali and Roberto…shocking, I didn’t think anyone could get to Roberto’s level. Chris and Ali seem also much more at ease and conversational together then Ali and Roberto. Plus, Chris is head over heels for her. L-O-V-E. I think he’s going to get that final rose. They stay in the fantasy suite. We get the shot of the curtain closing…..and scene.

no caption needed

Finally, Frank arrives in Tahiti. And we know what he’s here to do  - tell Ali about Nicole. He says, “This is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do in my life and I need to talk to Chris Harrison.” Does Frank know that Chris Harrison is not a therapist, not a priest, not even a life coach, he’s a television host and yes he’s effing superb at it, but let’s not get this mixed up from him knowing all of the answers to lifes’ questions. Regardless, Chris Harrison and Frank sit down for a one on one chat session in Frank’s cabana. Frank tells him what’s up. Chris says he’s surprised, but doesn’t think he’s a bad person and that he needs to be forthright with Ali and tell her the truth.  (Maybe he is a therapist? That wasn’t too shabby. Write a book, Chris Harrison.) Chris leaves Frank, Frank is dreading telling Ali what he has to tell her, but knows it has to be done. Ali arrives, hugs Frank and Frank gives her the “We need to talk.” A serious tension builds in the air and after minutes of silence which seem like excruciating hours, Frank finally goes into the whole ordeal.  Ali’s tears start falling as she listens and you see the anger and confusion start to build up in her. I know that had to be surprising and just sucky to hear, still I can’t help but wonder if she felt any relief. This means she could just focus on two guys she is clearly into – Chris and Roberto. From what I could tell, there wasn’t any relief going on in Frank’s cabana as it hits her that this date is not going to happen. No fantasy suite time with Frank. As they both are crying the flower droops sadly in her hair and finally she pulls it out and throws it on the ground. Symbolic of Frank and Ali’s relationship, hanging on by a thread until someone finally put it out of it’s’ misery.   He’s just not that into, Ali. Ouch, it hurts. Ali leaves Frank’s cabana, collapses under a palm tree and who comes to the rescue?? Duh. Chris Harrison. He’s cool, calm and collected as always and listens and talks to Ali like a caring friend, like I said, superb. Do you think ABC paid for Ali to get spa treatments the rest of the afternoon? I hope so.


Tonight -----The Men Tell All!! Can’t wait to see Casey, Chris N., Rated R, The Weatherman and most of all….CRAIG M.!! Who will he insult tonight?? I can’t wait to see!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Once upon a time in the far away beautiful land of Flowermound….

there lived a pilot and a former Hooters waitress. They were in love and engaged to be married.

BUT, it is now with a “certain degree of sadness” that I tell you that they are no longer living in Flowermound or in love or engaged.

Jake vs. Vienna – The Break-up Interview

WTF, ladies and gents, WTF. I have never seen such a thing like what went down during that interview.

Honestly, I’m still not clear who broke up with who or why they broke up? Vienna did state that it went downhill after the first month. So, I guess, when Jake figured out that you can’t have a relationship based on sex alone he stopped giving any effort whatsoever? Plus he was really engrossed with Dancing with the Stars. Come on Vienna, sometimes they have to learn two routines in one week, give him a break. I kid, I kid.

I also am amused about how Jake’s “nice guy” stereotype is completely blown to smithereens after this interview. He could NOT stop cutting her down.

Jake: “I’m so mad at you. I’m disgusted with you.”

Hmm. Okay. Understandable, she sold their story to the tabloids. Still “disgusted” on national tv is a little harsh.

Jake: “At least I was pursuing a career in something.”

Now, this comment really confused me. Did Jake think he was getting a career woman? Did he want her to get a hostess position at the Applebee’s in Lewisville? What on earth did he want Vienna to do? 

Jake: “She was excited because I put her on TV.”

Pot calling kettle black, Jake -you, fame whore, you.

Onward to another point of contempt between J and V. The dog. sites the dogs name is Chloe. Oh Chloe without you there might have been a chance for these two star-crossed lovers. Ppppfffffttttttt.

"I left everything to support you," Girardi told Pavelka. "I wouldn't have moved out here to L.A. with nothing, left my family ... my dog." 

“Left everything” – do tell, V, what is everything?? (I’m not saying she’s a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke nigger)

Also, I guess, Jake made some snide comment about the dog when it was “in the hospital with IV’s in her”.  I may be jaded, but in my experience that is just what guys do. My dad always grumbles about my moms animals. It’s not a personal attack; it’s just a guy thing. I don’t think Jake was sincerely wishing ill upon the dog. If she is claiming emotional abuse on this one, I give up. How did the dog even come up anyway? Why are they talking about the dog? PAINFUL.

That’s all I can get out at this point, but I leave you with this question: Team Jake or Team Vienna?

They are both annoying and dorky, but let’s analyze….who is the real villain here? Vienna interrupts. Jake treats Vienna like a child. Vienna is like a tabloid. Jake doesn’t like her dog. Jake is going to be on the Lifetime network. Vienna is going to work at a “marketing job” helping a charity in L.A. (I give her 2 months, she’ll be in Playboy.) Who ARE these people?

They’ve lost complete sight of real life to even agree to do a break up interview, but I just wonder: Did either of them really want to find the kind of love in the first place OR did they just want some fame and excitement?

If it’s the first, that they were truly looking for a soul mate, then it is sad to see what this whole experience has turned into. If it’s the other, then I hope they are happy, because their 15 minutes is up and no one has any respect left for either of them.

really is a little sad.

I personally am Team Craig M., who I’ll be seeing on the Bachelor Pad, premiering August 9th, see ya there….


p.s. you diehards, stay tuned for Bob’s recap on last nights Bachelorette

Thursday, July 8, 2010


I think I'm suffering from a Jake/Vienna hangover. It was just too strong for me and my tolerance is low these days. I'm not feeling up to par to post about their feud today. I think by Monday I will have my strength back to discuss the argument heard around the world. Until then, stay away from fake liars and fame whores.

like the smell of a beer after a long night of drinking, still can't quite look at this.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Bachelorette Season Six: Castles...lots of Castles

Due to the holiday week you would think that maybe we could skip the Bachelorette. Really who cares about the Bachelorette when you’re recovering from the 4th? Well, I will tell you who cares. I CARE. I care about the freaking Bachelorette and I can't stop. Monday night, I was in my hometown of Carlsbad, New Mexico and realized that I had missed Monday’s riveting episode because I was at dinner with a bunch of relatives. Panic arose and then relief quickly followed when I remembered we could watch the full episode with limited commercials on Crisis averted, I will see what Ali and the boys do in Portugal. Phew. Luckily, we did manage to catch the end of the Jake/Vienna feud on Monday night. What on earth? We’ll have to go into that more later on because it’s too painful not to further analyze.

For now, let’s focus on my husband's favorite human being, Ali....

keep smiling, Roberto.

Wooo hooo Ali! Breaking out the sequined mini skirt on the date with Roberto! Caliente! If that doesn’t say it all, I’m not sure what does. Please think of the sequined skirt compared to what she wore with Chris L. Chris L. got jeans and tennis shoes, Roberto got the sequined mini. Based on the clothes choice alone, it’s clear where she feels the heat and where she doesn’t. In Chris L.’s defense, I guess, you couldn’t exactly wear a sequined mini on a moped. I digress.

Ali says something along the lines of “this is what it would be like in real life” during her date with Roberto when they were taking pictures of each other walking around Portugal. Statements like this make me worry about her a little. Unless you are Gwenyth Paltrow, romping around European countries taking pictures of each other jumping off of a bench isn’t going to be a part of “real life”, nor is sitting a top a castle sipping red wine. Going to the grocery store, pay bills, driving to work, cleaning….this is real life. When Ali and Roberto can giggle their way through that then we can talk about “real life”. That was a little harsh. Sorry.

giggle giggle

Back to the giggling… Ali hearts Roberto.  She wonders aloud to him if he is too good to be true. I personally think that there are genuine budding feelings of like/love from that statement. From my personal experience, when I met MY Roberto, at first I was waiting for the bubble to burst. The way I felt about him and who he was an answered prayer. Way too good to be true. The thoughts of doubt bubbled up: Was he going to break my heart? Was he too good to be true? Turns out he wasn’t. He is my prince charming. So, you just may be right, Ali, sometimes love IS a fairytale. You married ladies out there feel me…you single gals can stop gagging yourself, BUT just wait til you fall for that guy. You’ll get it. You may not be dancing in the street in Portugal with an ABC camera crew following, but you’ll get it.

We’ll have to see how the hometown business goes with Roberto. Ali needs to act a little cooler in front of him. The girl has no game with Roberto. Clearly, the guys are all competing for her, so she doesn’t really need to play “hard to get”, but let’s have some self respect here. She continuously compliments him, which is nice and I guess honest of her, but their dialogue has to get a little be deeper than talking about how good looking and nice Roberto is if she wants to marry this Latin lover at the end of the day.

Do you think Ali had a thing for Enrique Iglesias? Ricky Martin? Or did her attraction for the exotic begin with Roberto? Is that politically correct to say? Sarah, do you think I’m racist against Latinos now?

Enough of that, let’s talk a little about awkwardness that was the date with Frank and Ty. 

Ali asks if she can get some wine at the beginning of the dinner. I think I might have asked for liquor. 

Ty is clearly going home. Also, Ty is clearly NOT on board with Ali’s desire to have a career. When they talk about it, I feel like he has his fingers crossed behind his back.  And you know what, it’s okay, he should just keep his gender role views.  I have a feeling that down south Ty won’t have a problem finding someone who doesn’t want to work about just wants to be a wife. Just a shot in the dark there….

Frank continues his intensity with the big reveal that he lives with his parents. Not too climatic. Ali isn’t phased. Frank sheds a tear about the closeness of his family now that he’s back home. Thank God this date is over.

How about those previews with Frank, the girl in the hotel room?? Scandalous, Frank. This will be excellent material for the screenplay you are writing.

Sooo, Ali’s next date is with Kirk.

i survived asbestos! 

How can you not like Kirk? Kirk is my fave. Ali and Kirk have a great date…lunch with beer, horse carriage to the castle with wine…then a costume change and then have dinner together. I felt sorry for Kirk a little because Ali said she had a lot on her mind during her date with him. Kirk totally rolled with it though and handled it perfectly. He wasn’t overbearing or put out, just happy to spend time with her. Honestly, any girl on any given day can have a lot on her mind and a lot on her plate, so to see the way that Kirk reacted to it proved to me what kind of a guy he was. Plus, he always brings it home in the talks that they have. I never expect him to say the things that come out of his mouth. They aren’t cheesy or too serious, but they are exactly what I would want to hear if I were Ali. He’s not psycho like Casey or completely aloof like Craig M., he’s just on point.

If Ali picks Kirk, I will officially like her forever. Nail in the coffin, I will like Ali. For now, I will go on semi-liking her sometimes.

Last but not least, Chris L.’s date at the winery….

keep drinking, Ali. 

Chris L., poor Chris L. Chris L. is so Tenley. (If you watched Jake’s season, you’ll know what I mean.) Tenley was the first runner up to the illustrious, Vienna. Tenly was a scene out of Snow White and Vienna was a scene from Wild Things. (GREAT choice, Jake!) Anyway, I’m thinking, the producers set them up in a winery because, let’s be real, if you don’t like someone after a bottle of wine, then you are NOT attracted to them. But, Chris L. threw a curve ball and gave her a bracelet that is special because it was made by the jeweler that made a lot of the jewelry his dad gave to his mom. This sort of made me tear up, the whole losing the Mom thing. Just stop it Chris L. I like Chris L., but I don’t think Ali does enough to make him “the one”. Maybe someone can hook him up with Tenley?

That’s all I’ve got on A. Fedotowsky…….coming next week. HOMETOWNS!! Who’s excited?

Also, be watching tomorrow for.......drumroll..... Bachelorette Season Six: SPECIAL – Jake vs. Vienna, The Break-up Interview. 

train wreck. 5 car pile up. call the ambulance. i can't look away.