Belated Bachelorette Blog: Overnight Dates and Frank…and Nicole

Okay, so obvi, there was no Bachelorette recap last week. I know wtf is up with that and on such a pivotal week too? Hello?! FRANK AND NICOLE. I won’t bore you with what prevented the blog from going up, but I’ll just say it was due to actually being busy at work last week. I know, how lame. No one at my office got the memo that “I’d rather be blogging” – someone needs to needlepoint that on a pillow and sell it in Sky Mall.

Anyway, since last weeks’ episode was so DRAMATIC, I simply don’t want to act like it didn’t exist, so here it goes…..Belated Bachelorette Blog: Overnight Dates and Frank…and Nicole....

not about you

all about you, you diva.

This episode had to be great for all of you Ali haters (clearing my throat, Robert Scarff). I mean, this whole season, I thought Ali was the Bachelorette and I thought this show was about Ali finding the love of her life. Nope. Wrong. It has actually about Frank finding the love of his life. It was as if Frank said, “So, Ali, you thought this episode was about your overnight dates and choosing 2 guys to meet your family? Well, it’s actually about me and who I am going to choose and I’m going to prove it by bringing a camera crew with me to walk all over Chicago and go to Nicole’s apartment.” Speaking of…..how long did it take for Frank to get to her apartment? It took forever! There were like 5 shots of him crossing the street! Take a cab, Frank. You’ll have plenty of time to brood in there. (sidenote: Surprisingly, no shots of the water in Chicago. Did you know Chicago has a river that runs through it?!)

Then we meet Nicole. That chick is forgiving. I mean, think about it. It’s not like Frank just “dated other girls” after they broke up. He went on a national television show proclaiming not only that he wanted to find love, but saying that he WAS, in fact, falling in love with Ali. Yet, all the while, he was couldn’t stop thinking about Nicole. Maybe don’t go on a reality tv show where the goal is to find a soul mate if you’re not quite over your ex, Frank? There are other ways to “find yourself”.  Still Nicole proves the statement that “love is blind”. She says something along the lines of, “since Frank has left she has felt that a part of her is missing…” aka “you had me at hello” – Jerry Maguire style. Deal is done. Frank loves Nicole. Nicole loves Frank. Now, what to do about this pesky, “falling in love with Ali bit??”

Meanwhile in Tahiti……

It’s Roberto’s date up first and he and Ali frolic about in a heart shaped lagoon. It seemed a little too shallow to make out in for my liking, but they made it work, so kudos to that. Later at dinner (at which Ali is practically wearing lingerie) Roberto reveals while profusely sweating that he is falling in love Ali. Whether or not this is true, I don’t know. I can’t really tell you anything that they discussed this whole season besides how good looking Roberto is. Ali asks him, “do you see us together in the future?” He assures her that he does. Shouldn’t she just know that at this point? Is it necessary that it needs to be stated? I guess so.  Once this is out of the way, Ali hands Roberto the letter from Chris Harrison. I’m guessing Roberto really has no idea what this letter says because he hasn’t wasted countless Monday nights watching this black hole that sucks you in/The Bachelor and The Bachelorette series as I have. He’s a little uncertain on how to respond, then catches on that they get to spend the night together and is all about the fantasy suite. Next up we get a scene of Ali taking off Roberto’s shirt. I thought I was watching a soap opera on the Spanish channel for a second, but I wasn’t.  Then we get the shot of the curtain closing……and scene.

Second date we’ve got is Chris L., we’ll just shorten it to Chris, since Chris N. is no longer with us (frowny face). So, Chris and Ali are on a boat, boozing, talking about how great the hometown date was, laughing it up and soaking in the sun. Other things happened (bear with me it’s been a week) and what I remember next was Chris and Ali picking up clams in a scenic bay and finding pearls. Ali says her relationship with Chris is like a pearl, slowly growing into something really beautiful. Clever, Ali, very clever, I see why you landed that job at Facebook. It’s just all so unrealistic at this point, I mean they are mining for pearls, put them in a real relationship situation and then she can say that their relationship is something really beautiful, i.e. like running into Chris's ex-girlfriend at the store? Idk. Saying that, I did notice much more chemistry between Chris and Ali than I did with Ali and Roberto…shocking, I didn’t think anyone could get to Roberto’s level. Chris and Ali seem also much more at ease and conversational together then Ali and Roberto. Plus, Chris is head over heels for her. L-O-V-E. I think he’s going to get that final rose. They stay in the fantasy suite. We get the shot of the curtain closing…..and scene.

no caption needed

Finally, Frank arrives in Tahiti. And we know what he’s here to do  - tell Ali about Nicole. He says, “This is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do in my life and I need to talk to Chris Harrison.” Does Frank know that Chris Harrison is not a therapist, not a priest, not even a life coach, he’s a television host and yes he’s effing superb at it, but let’s not get this mixed up from him knowing all of the answers to lifes’ questions. Regardless, Chris Harrison and Frank sit down for a one on one chat session in Frank’s cabana. Frank tells him what’s up. Chris says he’s surprised, but doesn’t think he’s a bad person and that he needs to be forthright with Ali and tell her the truth.  (Maybe he is a therapist? That wasn’t too shabby. Write a book, Chris Harrison.) Chris leaves Frank, Frank is dreading telling Ali what he has to tell her, but knows it has to be done. Ali arrives, hugs Frank and Frank gives her the “We need to talk.” A serious tension builds in the air and after minutes of silence which seem like excruciating hours, Frank finally goes into the whole ordeal.  Ali’s tears start falling as she listens and you see the anger and confusion start to build up in her. I know that had to be surprising and just sucky to hear, still I can’t help but wonder if she felt any relief. This means she could just focus on two guys she is clearly into – Chris and Roberto. From what I could tell, there wasn’t any relief going on in Frank’s cabana as it hits her that this date is not going to happen. No fantasy suite time with Frank. As they both are crying the flower droops sadly in her hair and finally she pulls it out and throws it on the ground. Symbolic of Frank and Ali’s relationship, hanging on by a thread until someone finally put it out of it’s’ misery.   He’s just not that into, Ali. Ouch, it hurts. Ali leaves Frank’s cabana, collapses under a palm tree and who comes to the rescue?? Duh. Chris Harrison. He’s cool, calm and collected as always and listens and talks to Ali like a caring friend, like I said, superb. Do you think ABC paid for Ali to get spa treatments the rest of the afternoon? I hope so.

o.v.e.r.

Tonight -----The Men Tell All!! Can’t wait to see Casey, Chris N., Rated R, The Weatherman and most of all….CRAIG M.!! Who will he insult tonight?? I can’t wait to see!!