Monday, December 22, 2008

My cup runneth over...

So, last week I went to a celebration. It was for someone that I could never imagine this world without. It was for my Granny. She went to heaven last Sunday. She made it clear she didn't want a funeral, but she wanted a celebration. Good grief, Granny. So typical. She was one of a kind. Life was a party for Granny.

When I was little every thing I did with her somehow turned into fun. She made it that way for me. I would ride with her to go run errands and she would make the car swerve when there was a good song on the radio. "The car is dancing!" she would say. I thought it was hilarious. Looking back I realize, she could have been serious and just toted me around with her thinking only of the task at hand and payed no concern with my entertainment level. She didn't though. When I would stay with her, she would let me have chocolate ice cream for breakfast. Who can make breakfast fun without the toaster strudel? Granny could. I could go on and on about my childhood...many a good memory. Club crackers, tetris on her computer, donut holes, swimming in the river, her fur coat, her making me practice the piano...sigh..oh Granny.

In recent years, I will never be able to forget her at our family weddings. Granny was social and loved any reason to eat, drink and be merry. Always the first on the dance floor with chardonnay in hand. I swear she had more energy than I did. You know the Macarena? Well, so did Granny. My gosh, she was fun. But fun, was only a sliver of who she was. She was so much more. Healthy, active, sharp, until the end. I could dedicate an entire blog to my Granny and have daily posts and not run out for a long long time, so I'll stop my praises of her.

Something unexpected happened in the midst of being sad that she wasn't here. I was sublimely happy that I knew her. That her life touched mine, that her son is my Daddy. I'm grateful for every positive or negative word that I heard her say. Granny wasn't perfect. She didn't expect anyone else to be perfect either. Every time I think of her I can't stop thanking God that I knew her. I have more than I'll ever need because of what my Granny gave to me; which was simply an honest portrait of her life. That's the kind of thing is far more valuable than all the gold, silver and inheritance in the world. So, in this time of our depressed economy and bleak financial outlook; take heart, because the true treasures in life cannot be bought at a store or measured in stock options.

From Hope Floats...

Bernice: I love you, Grandma.
Grandma: Oh honey. My cup runneth over.

From God or actually David I think...

Psalm 23: 4-5
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Thank you God for being with me, comforting me and answering my prayers and Granny's prayers. My cup runneth over...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Tis the Season

Anyone that lives in Dallas and wants to do a little something in the Christmas on the picture below.

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." - Winston Churchill

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Nobody faint.....I may have made a good decision

Going on a date with the guy I met at Ghostland could turn into the best thing I've ever done. The guy has a name, Robert. Earlier this week, I sent him this blog, so he may be reading it right now (Hi Robert!! You're cute!!). I'm kind of crazy about him, in case you needed an update on that. (Don't get a huge ego about this Robert...ha, kidding.) The fact that he hasn't cut off all communication after reading this blog is astounding. Who ever wants to hear that the person they are talking to has a public forum on the internet where they expose random thoughts? Who ever wants to hear about how weird I really am? Hmmm, I'm guessing no one. Cheers to you, Robert, for being accepting of ppppffffftttttt and in doing so, being accepting of me, pretty impressive. Especially when you were a victim of some earlier posts. I promise to try not to write too much about you.

On another note, nobody panic, blogging will commence if something relevant pops up to write about. Mary suggested that I write about when she, Kay and I put together the fake Christmas tree for our office. Kay insisted that we drink pumpkin egg nog with brandy in it during the decorating. This was actually very good even at 10:00 a.m.. Kay likes to booze. She is the accountant and senior property manager at our office, she is amazing. You will want to pay close attention when Kay's name pops up. While this idea of writing about pumpkin egg nog and a Christmas tree at work would probably cause ppppffffftttttt to crash because all of the hits it would get, I chose not to go with that, as tempting as it was (sarcastic tone).

Mary is right though. My hope for ppppffffftttttt is that it can reflect on the charm that can be found in the subtle ups and downs of everyday life. May your inevitable ups and downs remind you to take the good with the bad...both elements are necessary for a full life...

All for now...isn't it weird that it's already December? I think so....

Friday, November 7, 2008

Ode to Sarah

There was a girl, she went to OU
Her hair is blonde, her eyes are blue
I met her one night, while wearing Wet Seal
My flowered halter was polyester, but our friendship would be real
I remember the pics that I took of her and Dewan on Boogie Nights
I never understood why she asked him; then again, I went with Brad Wright?
Little did I know it would be the first of many memories to come
Crossroads, Block and Barrel, JJ’s just to name some
She kind of amazed through this whole time
Here thoughts were bigger and truly inspired mine
She choose Letters as her degree
Just like her Grandfather, a lawyer she’d be
A semester abroad to France off she flew
Causing her politics to turn from red to blue
She came back to Norman and finished her undergrad
Choosing SMU for law school, to be close to mom and dad
Her first year proved to be not much fun
She actually had to study, something she had never done
All this time she was still my best friend
I moved to Dallas with a broken heart that she helped me mend
She made law school seem easy, Cox and I always said
We didn’t know when she studied, only if she was at the Loon or in bed
Finally she graduated, I said, “Time to celebrate!”
She replied, “No, Alexis, the bar I must take.”
I knew it was serious when she got off facebook and refused to go out
There was so much information she had to know everything about
Three days of testing and it was done
Off to Vegas she went, to play blackjack and lay in the sun
Work and the real world were waiting when she came back
10 hour work days and not getting much slack
I would say…“At least you’re a lawyer, you have done so well.”
She replied, “Well, I won’t be a lawyer if I find out I fail.”
Yesterday, November 6th, the bar results were in
It was then that I realized how stressed she must have been
I heard through the grapevine that she had passed
Sarah Smith is a licensed attorney-what a badass
No one ever can take this away what she’s done on her own
The world is a better place for the knowledge she’s sown
This poem might be cheesy and I probably took it too far
I just want everyone to know how proud I am of Sarah that she passed the BAR!!!

Reason #862: Why I hate Texas A&M

I'm sorry if you like them, but there is something about A&M that annoys me more than any other institution out there. YUCK. If you feel differently, read below and you will most likely change your mind.


Reveille, the first lady of Aggieland, is the official mascot of Texas A&M University. She is the highest ranking member of the Corps of Cadets, and she is a Five-Star General.

Reveille I came to Texas A&M in January 1931. A group of cadets hit a small black and white dog on their way back from Navasota. They picked up the dog and brought her back to school so they could care for her. The next morning, when "Reveille" was blown by a bugler, she started barking. She was named after this morning wakeup call. The following football season she was named the official mascot when she led the band onto the field during their half-time performance. When Reveille I died on January 18, 1944, she was given a formal military funeral on the gridiron of Kyle Field. She was then buried at the north entrance to the field, as all Reveilles are, facing the scoreboard so that she can always watch the Aggies outscore their opponent.

Before naming Reveille II, there were several other unofficial mascots, such as Tripod, Spot, and Ranger. It was not until a later Reveille that she was a full-blood Collie. The most current Reveille is Reveille VII who was inducted during Parents Weekend in April 2001.

Reveille is the most revered dog on campus. Company E-2 has the privilege of taking care of Reveille. If she is sleeping on a cadet's bed, that cadet must sleep on the floor. Cadets address Reveille as "Miss Rev, ma'am." If she is in class and barks while the professor is teaching, the class is to be immediately dismissed.

Reveille is a highly cherished mascot and receives only the best.

UMMMMMM....excuse me, a "Five-Star General"???? Along with Douglas MacArthur and Dwight Eisenhower??? PLEASE. Not to mention, the "cadet must sleep on the floor"??? It's a DOG. I don't care how good of a school A&M claims to be, this is the stupidest thing I have EVER heard. For the love of God, OU please pummel them this weekend.

Okay, my raging is finished. If you haven't lost your appetite due to Reveille...then you should move to College Station.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

"All men are created equal."

History is made tonight. No matter where your support lies, we have to recogize the magnitude of this moment. Barack Obama is the President of the United States.

Monday, November 3, 2008

I get it.

A couple days ago, as I was leaving work. I asked Trey, one of my bosses, if he needed me to do anything before I left. You know, make a copy, send a fax or something along those lines. His reply was, "You know what you can do for me, Alexis. You just find a man. Go to a park tonight and just meet a guy." We are on a friend level so it's not weird or creepy that he said that and I know he was completely joking. Still, I'm thinking..."Well, there's another person that thinks I'm incomplete with out a male in my life. Yay." But, since it's Trey and I respect him immensely, I reply, "I'm working on that one, Trey!"

Onward to last Saturday, I'm hanging out with one of my best friends, Adrian. She's engaged and we are catching up on things. I'm telling her how there was a point on Halloween night where I stopped remembering things due to alcohol consumption and that I need to be engaged like her so I find motivation to calm the hell down. (OR maybe I should just use MODERATION?) Anyway, she says, "You know, Alexis, you should think about Internet dating. A lot of people find someone that way." ppppffffftttttt. She's right though. People do find someone that way. It is logical, you're connected with a network of people that are looking to be in a relationship. I've seen the commercials and I too know several people that it's worked for. That's great, good for them, but are my own friends starting to think that the only way I'm going to date is via Internet???

What is it about that whole "" thing that seems so forced to me? I feel like this influx of Internet dating sites is another example of society's obsession with immediacy. One day you decide you're ready to commit and now all you have to do is pay a fee, fill out a survey and volia! Here's someone you can connect with!

What happened to boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out, girl falls for know just the natural progression of things. That seems to be ancient in so many aspects of life. Take the weight loss industry. No one wants to invest six months to a year of eating healthy and exercising. They would rather go buy a bottle of Hydroxycut, stop eating, still have energy and volia! You feel skinny for the weekend. Never mind that it affects you negatively mentally and physically! People are not supposed to loose 10 pounds in 2 weeks, that is weird and unnatural. Even technology mirrors this. Can someone tell me one thing the iPhone CAN'T do at the touch of a button, I swear the next one is going to be able to transform into a car.

As life moves faster and faster and the ability to make things happen now becomes possible, I'm left to wonder, can't the process of love and relationships stay simple and whole? My observation over the past couple years has been something like...boy meets girl, boy texts girl, girl sees boy out with friends, boy makes out with girl, boy and girl gchat, boy ignores girl next times he sees her, girl acts likes she could care less, boy adds girl on facebook...and the process starts alllllll over. I mean I don't want to be Debroah Kerr and Cary Grant here, but please tell me there is something more substantial then this.

My mom does not understand this new dating phenomenon. It really confuses her. I was driving to meet up with some friends and talking to her on the phone a couple weeks ago and she hits me with, "I was talking to your dad the other day and I really think it's time that you get a boyfriend. We think it would be good for you." I love how she thinks that it's a decision like washing my hair or buying a new shirt. I think I'll get a boyfriend today! Yay, life is perfect, I feel great! I have a boyfriend, everyone! She's alluded to this before earlier this year, when my roommate and I were deciding if we were going to live together. My mom said, "You need to decide if you're going to get married or live with Sarah." It was May, Sarah and I were moving out in July. Soooo, did she think I was going to find a boyfriend and get married by July?? And once again, she acts like all I have to do is decide. "I will get married." and the proposals will just come flying I'm trying to find a new job or applying to grad school. Lo siento, madre, it does not work that way.

I do know what my mom is trying to say, and what Trey is trying to say, AND what Adrian is trying to say. I GET IT. I'm 25, having a relationship with someone is a wonderful thing and they want me to have that. I too, want to experience that, but it is not my top priority or my first thought when I wake up in the morning. My life is so blessed with wonderful people that even when I start to feel alone, they remind me that is the furthest thing from the truth. While I realize that the absolute best family and friends cannot take the place of a romantic relationship, I don't want something that is forced and not meant to be. I do not want the Hydroxycut of relationships. I want something that is authentic and real with out anyone attempting to control what will happen. I take that back, there is a control that I do wish upon all aspects in my life. That is the complete peace I have with the knowledge that God is in control. I know every one's views and beliefs may differ here, but for me every good and bad thing that has happened to me has led me back to the same conclusion, that God is real and in control. So really, this whole relationship deal is kind of insignificant if I truly believe that God will ultimately take care of my life if I just let go and trust. Perhaps, now I can begin to "GET IT", the way that I really should.....

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New International Version)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

love love to everyone.

Fight Red Raiders beat OSU this weekend!!! AND, of course...Boomer Soonerrrrrr!!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

"We all wear masks...metaphorically speaking."

For those of you who can't quote almost all Jim Carey movies...this is from The Mask. I had this on VHS back in the day and my little sister and I watched it fairly frequently. I don't really know why we liked is so much. It's not that good or that funny. I mean, it has a couple good scenes (hello, Cuban Pete), but it was no Ace Ventura. I think the appeal of this movie is that it's about a normal guy that stumbles across this "mask" and when he puts it on he becomes the person he fantasizes about. He goes from the nice guy that everyone looks over to this charismatic, confident, social enigma that everyone becomes enthralled with. Of course, the moral of the story is that he was better "just the way he was" being the nice guy. He even got the girl...Cameron Diaz (her first the way).

No matter what anyone says I believe that everyone has had the thought cross their mind to what it might feel like to be someone else. Not literally another person, but that person that would be the best version of themselves. I wonder if I found that "mask" what I would become. Scary thought really, when the goals of who I want to be change frequently these days. I'm thinking I might be a 10-15 pounds lighter, slightly more articulate, incredibly well dressed individual standing next to my fiance that I met at church. Then again, I could be on the streets of Europe with no material possessions because I sold them all to have money to travel the world with.

I don't know how I would be different if I could magically be another level of myself...but, oddly this thought has made me reflect on the power of Halloween. For one night, you don't have to think at all about who you are. It's draining sometimes...McCain or Obama...single or married...on the rocks or frozen...constant questioning of how you define yourself. But on Halloween, you can channel yourself into whatever random idea for a costume you came up with. All of the sudden you really don't care about who you are, you simply care about having fun. This has actually been a dangerous thing for me in the past because my version of "having fun" sometimes involves shots of tequila. That's a whole other story. My point is we have the other 364 days to determine who we are and figure out how to actualize our potential. I'm glad there is one day that day that we DO NOT. Hope everyone had a memorable Halloween...

Monday, October 27, 2008


I don't think I will ever forget the day after my 21st birthday. Wretched could be the best word to describe it. Granted I didn't get in trouble with the law the night of my 21st or even do something as crazy as hooking up with a random. (I define "hooking up" as making out...yes, I need to go back the the 1940s, I suppose). But, that day from the moment I woke up after my 21st birthday to the moment I went to sleep is a day I used to want to erase. When the memory would surface, I would grimace and attempt to suppress it like one of those traumatic childhood memories that therapists say the brain won't allow one to remember.

I wish I knew the statistics here, but it has to be a certainty that 98% of Americans don't feel good the day after their 21st. When I say "don't feel good", I obviously mean "painfully hungover". This isn't really fair if you think about it. The French are probably at a casual sit down dinner with friends on their 21rst birthday ordering their favorite bottle of wine...a taste for which they've acquired after years of drinking it legally. The next day, they probably awake feeling invigorated and youthful. In America we attempt to take 21 shots of liquor. The next day, we are suicidal and contemplate joining AA. Isn't it true that Americans are supposed to be the worlds' most progressive leaders in ideologies, foreign relations, politics, etc...? Amazing that we've made it there with most of our brain cells dying on the night of our 21st birthday. Though I'm sure the founding fathers didn't start out this way. Maybe though? Has anyone unearthed the shot book John Adams made for George Washington?? Kidding...Kidding...

The day after my 21st birthday can be defined as one of my "rock bottom" moments for the MAIN reason that I didn't remember the night before and I had to be told what the hell happened....this is a summary of the realizations and the actions taken thereafter:
1. Blacking out. It happened at 10:00 p.m.
2. The last thing I can recall is taking out the "emergency only" credit card from my parents and buying the entire bar a round of shots.
3. I thought it was a genius idea to rent a city bus for this night out, which was a lot of fun for the hour I remembered, but of course, I invited randoms on the bus.
4. The randoms got sick on the bus.
5. I had to pay for the bus company to clean up for the randoms that got sick on the bus. (Scratch parents did.)
6. While driving to the bus company to reconcile the fee I was going to owe, I threw up what seemed to be straight liquor on myself causing me to turn around to go home to change clothes. Sick, I know, but this is what happened.

I will never forget the hot tears running down my face driving back home to change my clothes. I was so disgusted with myself. How did something that was supposed to be fun turn into something that was such a mess? The thought of calling my parents and explaining the situation made me want to get sick again. The guilt was heavy. They were excited to rent the bus for my friends and I to ride around town safely and I can't even remember it. I pulled over my car over to the side of the road and just cried, with my head on the steering wheel. I was alone, it might have been the loneliest I've ever felt. Ironic when the night before I was riding around town with a bus full of people. I remember just taking a couple of deep breaths and driving slowly home, cleaning up and then calling my parents. Luckily, they were and still are more understanding than any other humans that I know. They took care of the situation and even found it hysterical. This is how I know God knew what he was doing when he made them my parents. I am so good at punishing myself that if I had parents that weren't accepting of my mistakes, well, frankly, you might find me in a padded room.

I'm sure that everyone has both hilarious and horrible stories from the nights of their 21st birthdays, but I bring mine up now because I am finding that a lot about being in your 20's is about learning your limits. Your limit for partying, your limit for working, your limit for exercising, your limit for NOT exercising, your limit for relationships, your limit for friendships, your limit for money, your limit for shopping, your limit for indulging and so many more. I guess limit really is just another way of saying boundary. These last couple of years I've began to learn how far is too far and how much is too much in a plethora of ways and sometimes over and over again. I think I've stretched myself to the maximum boundary of almost everything possible. Everyone always hears the "setting your boundaries" advice. I believed knew what my boundaries were. The truth is I didn't, I didn't until I went over my limit and realized the path of my life was changing in a direction that I didn't want. The stress and discomfort emerges at this point because to live continuously beyond one limit or another turns you into a person you don't recognize. It can be ignored for a while and trust me I tried every way to ignore it, but it always tends to surface. The truth always does. This is the best part though, because with the brutal honesty brings a freedom; this makes change less hard because there is a peace that it's the right thing.

Now that I'm offically mid-twenties, 25, 3 months and 3 days to be exact, I am starting to see that my thoughts and opinions are formed by my experiences and THAT becomes who I am. It's not who my parents and friends are any longer. Through every situation we are slowing shaping into the people we are going to be. So, if you think about it, there are no mistakes...none, zero. There are only experiences that make us the people that we are. So, now, I don't want to erase that day after my 21st birthday, actually I'm grateful for it. Yes, that's correct, I'm grateful for the day I threw up on myself while driving....pfffftttttt.
Attempt to live gratefully for every good and bad moment, for every boundary crossed, each has it's perfect purpose in the big picture of life...

I will part with my favorite quote...good stuff for those of us "trying" to grow up...ha.

"Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything." -R.W. Emerson

Friday, October 17, 2008


A term most closely tied with science, but holds many alternate definitions in my head. Then again, I have discovered that within my head lies an odd translation of most things. So just take this for what it's worth...

Wikipedia calls chemistry as " the science concerned with the composition, structure, and properties of matter, as well as the changes it undergoes during chemical reactions." Simultaneously, chemistry is also the name of the sister website of, this site is "designed especially for people who are actively seeking meaningful, long-term relationships". I also hear the mention of chemistry from my mother, every time I bake cookies. They always seem to be kind of flat or not quite the right color. It never fails that she says, "Baking is just chemistry." I guess the "baking chemistry", I've yet to master. Oh well.

Regardless of how you define chemistry, I find it to be a marvelous thing. My favorite comprehension of chemistry is the kind of chemistry is the beginning of a great love. For example, the obvious, Romeo and Juliet, the chemistry is electric between these two famous characters in Shakespearean literature. They deserted their families, lied and ultimately died for just the chance to find out what would come from the intense passion they felt in the hours they spent together. More recently, there's Brad and Angelina. Come on. Have you ever seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith? The chemistry practically bleeds through the screen that you're watching it on. Not that I support infidelity, but I am Team Angelina. I do believe she and Brad share a great love. Tom and Katie, hmmm, not so much. I guarantee she doesn't care, she has an adorable daughter and gets to wear alllll those clothes, whew, almost gives me chills. BUT, I don't think Katie gets the same kind of chills that come with the discovery that there could be the possibility to have chemistry with a guy. I barely remember what it's like, but I know that sort of feeling when you physically feel something just by being around another person, is exhilarating. It could just be in one brief moment of eye contact, or you could feel it in the midst of a conversation, but when there is just a hint of potential, you know it. At least girls do, I think.

My own latest interface with this thing called chemistry actually stems from someone else's romance, because the item that attracted the other participant was a pair of sunglasses that were passed out a wedding. Yes, Jamie Judd, I'm talking about none other than the infamous sunglasses that you and your hubby ingeniously passed out at your wedding. See below.

Only a couple with true chemistry would pass out an item at their wedding based on a song by Corey Hart ("Sunglasses at Night). Life changing song in my youth, ("don't switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no...") and this prop caused me to have a life changing dance party with everyone at a reception. I think I felt invisible, but according to the pictures, I was fully visible in my sunglasses and 80s dance moves. Looking back, that night was a reflection not only Jack and Jamie's chemistry, but their marriage, their commitment to love each other and put the other one first. It's sort of beautiful if you think about it (their love, NOT the pictures of me at the reception. "you just don't take good pictures, Alexis." -my Granny).

Anyway, I had these sunglasses on last Saturday night at a Ghostland Observatory concert. People were wearing lots of weird things. A guy in front of us was wearing a loincloth and an Indian headdress. Just go to a concert, you'll get it. But these would have thought I had a $100 bill taped to my head. Every guy standing around us keep trying to grab and wear them. This actually spurred some sort of a muddled conversation with this redheaded guy behind us. I have a major thing for redheads for those of you that don't know this. All of the sudden this guy and I sharing a Miller High Life beneath the technicolor lights of Ghostland. I can't really hear much that he's saying, but I keep laughing because I assume it's funny. Somehow I give him my number after my concert. I have LOTS of game when I've been drinking since 9 a.m. (fyi: It was OU/TX, not a norm for me). Or maybe he had lots of game? I'm not sure. Unexpectedly, Monday night he calls. I find this weird, only because I was sure he got my number for the sole purpose of just "hooking up" with a random girl during OU/TX. Sooo, there's phone tag back and forth and last night, I finally talk to him. He is actually pretty funny and interesting. Hmmm, could there be chemistry? Doubtful, my track record is not strong for realitionships lately, oh wait, EVER. BUT, if there is I dedicate it to The Judds. May their love and chemistry pass through those sunglasses to every guest at their it forward, Judds, pay it forward.

All for now...happy Friday everyone.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

What do you really really really want?

I found this phrase on a scrap piece of paper that my mother had haphazardly put on our refrigerator. It was almost covered by one of our many souvenir magnets. My parents buy these every time they are somewhere 30 minutes from our hometown. I don't know how one starts collecting these, but, it is completely something my parents would do. Somehow, this scrap paper peeked through all of the Las Vegas, California and Texas cheesy magnets as I was opening the fridge for about the 20th time since I had been h0me. For some reason when I am in the safety of my childhood home, I find it necessary to eat as much as I can. I haven't figured out if it's because I know these people have to love me regardless of how grossed out they are that I've had three bowls of apple crisp or if it's because my mom's food is just that good. When I saw this scrap paper on the magnet, I stopped. Shockingly, the thought of more apple crisp left my brain and I took it off the fridge and stared at it. Underneath, this phrase, scrawled in my mom's handwriting, was, "my mantra". Wow. Does my mom wake up, get her coffee and think about what she "really really really wants". Did she get this from Oprah? She has been sounding very "zen" lately.

Wait....What do I really really really want? What if I asked myself this honestly everyday? Clearly, it would solve some problems. I really really really want to be healthy. Okay, so work out and don't make cookies and eat half the batter in the process. I really really really want to be good at my job. Okay, so try harder, focus, get off gmail. (Well, I'll work on that.) I really really really want to stop being stressed about money. Okay, keep track of it, stop overdrawing your bank account. Yes, I'm 25, and I still overdraw. I really really really want to understand God and my faith. Okay, so read, pray, meditate, surround myself with people and the tools to help me understand. I really really really want to write. I don't know why, I don't know in what capacity, but I know that when I write, I feel different than I do than when I'm doing another activity in the whole world. I feel "alive" if you know what I mean.

Frankly, I rather not quote Rent, but when asking myself what it is I really really really want, I tend to feel that there is "no day, but today". No, I'm not a HIV infected 20 something struggling in the East Village in New York, then again, most who connected with Rent weren't either. The powerful message of "THIS is the only moment we're guaranteed" even rings true in the ears of a 20 something struggling in Dallas living across the street from the West Village trying to figure out what in this life holds true value (yes, a cheesy description of me) .

So, I urge you to ask yourself right now, today...What do you really really really want???

love, alexis

post script: The first of many posts to come, I don't know what the hell they'll be about, but more posting there will be, stay tuned....