Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Bachelor Ben - Episode 9 - Fantasy Suite time in Switzerland!!

ABC played Ben's voice-over twice of him saying how "majestic and magical" Switzerland is. I'd like to fault him for repeating, but I know he wasn't in charge of that. And he's got a point, Switzerland is super gorgeous. I loved seeing all the scenery. It made all 3 dates a little more bearable for me.

First up, here's comes Nikki. And they put them in a helicopter AGAIN. Nikki has now been in a helicopter with Ben twice. Yawn. Holding hands and looking about the window talking about how great this is ensues. Granted the views were pretty wow. They land on a mountain top to picnic. Nikki chats a lot and Ben just squints and nods. One of my friends tweeted, "Ben you are so boring." Seriously, say something. Bring anything to the table, Ben. Hell, talk about wine? Whatever you've got! Finally there's some talk about how similar Ben and Nikki's dad's are. I find this hard to believe, but I don't "know" either of their dad's so I'm trying hard not to judge. pppppfffffftttttt. That's funny, all I'm doing in judging. I'll be honest- the whole dad comparison is some sad effort to make them feel some deep bond. It's not working for me. I don't think it's working for them. But Nikki is so freaking sweet, I would like this to work out for her. Go ahead and push the Dad thing, Nikki.

I hope the helicopter pilot packed a sack lunch because he had to sit there and wait for Ben and Nikki while they picnic and then he takes them to yet another mountain top. Was one really not enough?? This one is pretty small and is making me sort of nervous. No one better take a step backward. How long did they stay on that thing. Nikki goes into the whole analogy about how being in a relationship is just like standing atop of this tiny mountain. Sigh. Rolling my eyes.

Ben keeps saying how he can't stop smiling and this is one of the best days he's ever had and tries to say this is because of Nikki. PLEASE. Ben is on a fully paid for vacation in one of the world's most beautiful destinations. He is riding helicopters and day drinking. This day would be fun and smiley with Condoleezza Rice and definitely way more intellectually stimulating.

It's night time!!! Romantic dinner time!! They are in some sort of cabin. They talk about the dad thing again. Nikki tells him to tell her if she's being "too much". He says she's already "dropped the l-bomb, so she is fine". Nervous laughter. And then it hits me. They don't even know each other and she has told him she loves him and is asking him how many kids he wants. Are they even comfortable around each other? Uggg. This is weird and they are about to spend the night with each other. And duh, Nikki is not a virgin, (#divorced) sooooooo yeah. Of course, she chose to forego her individual room. She chose to forego all sanity. Hopefully they managed to have a real conversation somewhere in there. Oh and there's a tub in the fantasy suite. This is like a honeymoon. I'm uncomfortable. Cut to commercial...hurry.

Next, it's Lindzi's turn!!

sidenote: her name is Lindzi Cox. which is so weird because my best friends name is Lindsey Cox. How many are there?

Okay, so, I was tweeting during The Bachelor (yes, I am that person) and I couldn't even comment on this stupid rappelling activity they were doing. Remember what happened in Belieze when they had to jump out of the helicopter into the barrier reef?? Yes, yes, me too. Lindzi doesn't like heights. This is not even going to be climatic to see her "push through her fears", she's already done that. And then they kissed...blah blah. It's all happening again. Once more...yawn.

Ben comments how Lindzi is such a good sport, oh right, like she has a choice.

It really didn't look that scary once they were in those harness things and just had to let themselves down. But they really allow themselves a big pat on the back for getting through this. You adrenaline junkies, you! 

Ben keeps on throwing out that "he loves Lindzi!" Ummm, okay? Like "love as a friend" or "love love"?? He is just spitting it out like no big deal. He was definitely not saying that on Nikki's date/the best day of his life.

Dinner time, followed by hot tub time. Lindzi is really opening up. It's hard for her. She's said that on every single one on one. We completely get it. But, is she really opening up? How is she being open? By making out in the hot tub...I guess that proves it! The fantasy suite card is handed over and she is sure to state that "she wouldn't usually do this sort of thing"....

That's what all girls say before they agree to go home with a guy. It just is. Nice girls say that, slutty girls say that. That is what you say. So, Lindzi tried to look sweet and innocent, but she failed. We women see right through her!

Then she's wearing no pants...for "never doing this" the girl sure does have some MOVEZZZ in the bedroom.

"she's got legs, she knows how to use them!!"-zz top

Brace yourself, it's time for Courtney's date. 

They greet each other. Courtney's jacket is kind of cute, but I refuse to admit it. They get on a train. Why are trains supposed to be romantic. THEY'RE NOT. They are sterile and depressing and you get robbed on them. Yes, this has happened to me. Sorry for that trip down memory lane.

So, they are just being "normal" and getting stuff for a picnic. This is so normal! Robert and I do this every weekend. We actually drive thru Taco Cabana and eat it in front of the TV, but whatever.  Ben tells Courtney of the fun game he and his sister made up when they were little, "Hey, Cow!" Well, I want to play!! Did Ben grow up on a farm??! Courtney loses "Hey Cow". Another reason she sucks. Ben and her start to have a "come to Jesus" talk about how Courtney didn't get along with the other girls. Ben says he noticed times where she would "twist the knife" with the other girls and it would make it harder on him. So, he noticed that she is an evil witch, but he is just NOW bringing it up. I don't understand this at all. They don't want to ruin the moment on the countryside, so Ben says they can talk about it later. Later? Umm, when?! Talk about it now! 

you are still mean. even in the Alps. 

Courtney is bothering me that she is trying to be nice and remorseful. She is taking some blame for not getting along with the girls and saying she could have tried harder. Well, that might be the understatement of the century. I think she is getting nervy because she is realizing that this was filmed. And probably even more nervy because of karma. You reap what you sew, sister, and ye did not sew seeds of love. Her crying doesn't even make me feel for her. She's crying because she is afraid that she's been busted, not because she feels bad. It would NOT be fair if she actually found love, but the world is NOT a fair place, so this has a huge possibility of happening. ppppfffffffttttttttttt. 

It's dinnertime. And they dine and it's time to talk about "Courtney's issues with the women". Ben says he needs someone who will support him. Wait, what's the correlation there? They fumble through working it out. Ben just accepts the terrible BS Courtney gives him. Well, shoot, of course, he does, they need to dissolve this conflict before fantasy suite time! Court is all about it. They've already been naked together, this fantasy suite is like baby games! 

*I can't not mention the sneak peak of Emily Maynard as the next Bachelorette.* 

After she broke up with Brad, it was hard for her, but her life got back to normal. I guess, now she is ready to eff it all back up again and put herself through this. She is a cute, sweet gal. I would think that she would not have a tough time entering the dating world. Plus, she's only 25. I mean, just go sit at your local Starbucks and see what happens before you agree to do this TV dating/proposal thing. Maybe she just wants to go on lots of helicopter rides? Her daughter is super cute. I wonder if her daughter is thinking, "seriously, Mom?...again? I pretended I liked flying a kite with Brad, but how much more can I take?"

Emily flies to L.A. to shop and get some advice from Ali and Ashley, the two previous Bachelorettes. (Ali and Roberto broke up! Get her out of here!) Ali tells Emily to just be herself and "she is the Bachelorette for a reason". Yes, there is a divine reason that the universe has placed her as being the next Bachelorette. I wish Terrence Malick would have touched on that in "Tree of Life". 

They all put on the shortest tightest dresses possible and go to see Titanic in 3-D. (Well, Ali's isn't that tight, I suppose.) 

So, yes, Titanic it's a love story, but geeezzz, hasn't Emily been in enough tragedy in her life, don't make her sit through Jack drowning. 

And scene. p.s. Sadly, yes I want to watch her season. 

Back to Ben....and looks who came to Switzerland.......Kacie B.!!!!

(it showed it was her on the Jimmy Kimmel commercial. Robert and i caught that. no surprise for us. we were fully prepared. Ben was not and had to clutch his heart.)

Kacie B.'s hair seriously looked the best it did all season. Maybe she just wanted everyone to see how cute her hair can be, maybe she doesn't even care about closure from Ben? Nope, nope. She's shaking, she can't even form words to say to Ben. She's nervous, all those feelings swirling around. She should have just CALLED. No need to cross the Atlantic for this. She doesn't understand why Ben let her go. Hmm, has she blocked out the memory of your hometown date??!! Ben wants NO part in that scene going down in Tennessee. 

I know deep down she is wishing, hoping and praying he will tell her to come back. Poor little lamb. It's not going to happen. It's OVER, Kacie B. Frowny face.

This is hard for her to hear Ben's words of rejection. Again. But while she's here she might as well just be honest. Yes, you might as well. You didn't squeeze into those size 24 jeans for nothing. Kacie says that, Courtney is in this to win it...and Courtney actually said (GASP) "there are other fish in the sea".

That might have been the only smart and sane thing Courtney has said all season. There ARE other fish in the sea, Kacie B. repeat this to yourself over and over. 

Ben is totally thrown into a tailspin at this Courtney news. Just when they got things resolved. Now this?!? He needs time to gather himself, Kacie B. needs to go. She collapses in the hotel hallway after leaving that emotional confrontation. Does she not have a room she can lay down in? I guess not because she seems to be leaving the premises. Can she not be on the hotel grounds anymore?  See you at the Women Tell All Kacie B.!! 

Ben is still totally distraught. But, never fear, because Chris Harrison is here! Chris can tell Ben looks conflicted. I wonder how? His hair, which is getting worse by the episode? Ben needs some calming balm or maybe a HAIR CUT would be awesome. Frizzy hair=upset Ben. 

Ben tells Chris, Kacie B. came back. Something tells me Chris already knows that. Call me crazy. Ben put all his doubts about Courtney to rest and slept with her, then here comes Kacie B. with all these true statements to eff everything up. Now, Ben doesn't know what to do!! Ben finally declares that he's just going to go for what he feels in the moment. GREAT idea! Don't give this any REAL thought! Chris is supportive and is probably reminding himself he gets paid for this. He leaves Ben alone to stare at the pictures of the 3 remaining ladies. 

Rose ceremony time....Lindzi gets a rose. Three cheers for horses!! Nay!!  

It seemed like 3 hours passed by before Ben handed out the final rose. and Courtney gets it!!! Yep, Courtney...this is happening everyone!! Courtney is still #winning. Barf.

I tweeted that Nikki's hair was too curly and she was wearing a toga. I stick to that, but then I felt bad when she was sent home. No need to kick a girl when she's down. Nikki tells Ben she just wants him to be happy through her tears. In the limo she says she feels foolish, "I feel in love with him!" Yes, yes you did. But, look on the bright side, you got a free trip to Switzerland???

Next week...The Women Tell All......YES!!! I'm guessing it's going to be a big "I hate Courtney session" but, we'll see....


Neil Ferrari said...

Can we get some non bachelorette posts?

alexis scarff said...

Neil, this comment really made my day. hahaha. i will try to post about something other than the Bachelor. i can't imagine what would be more important, but i'll try to come up with something.

also, i miss you!! sarah and the girls threw me the best baby shower ever at your house :)

Neil Ferrari said...

What I can't understand is how your posts are so long based on ONE tv show.

Liz said...

Why am I reading every word you write about the bachelor when I've yet to see an episode since trista and Ryan? Ha! I can't stop.

alexis scarff said...

Neil, I don't understand it either. It's truly bewildering.

haha, Liz!! Trista and Ryan...those were the good old days!! Hope you're feeling good :)

Anonymous said...

Question- Where is Courtney's jacket from?? I'm obsessed with it! I'd really appreciate any info on it!

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