Friday, February 24, 2012

once more...continued...still meeting the parents

Hometown Numero Tres: Nikki in Texas

I love how they filmed this at the Stockyards in Fort Worth. It looks like Lonesome Dove. People love to think that this is what Texas really looks like. When I interned in New York and people found out that I lived in Texas they would ask me if people rode horses to work. They were kind of joking, but kind of for real. I broke it to them gently that there are cars, running water and civilization in Texas AND New Mexico. It was especially hard for them to swallow the New Mexico bit, but I assured them it was true. Anyway, prime time national broadcasts of Nikki and Ben in Texas in what looks like an old western town are not helping this stereotype. Nikki and Ben buying cowboy boots and cowboy hats does not help this stereotype either. People in Texas do not walk about pretending to be cowboys and cowgirls. I sort of wish we did sometimes, but unless you're trying to look cute for the rodeo, it's considered kind of weird.

So like I said they buy boots and hats. Now, we Texans (and New Mexicans) know that the good boots and hats are expensive. This is not a normal thing to do on a date, unless you are on a date with a real sugar daddy or sugar mama. I was wondering if these boots and hats were on loan or if ABC paid for them? Or if Ben really wanted them for himself and paid for them? It really doesn't matter and I don't know why I care or even allow myself to wonder this. They tromp around town in the hats and boots. They go to a bar. Nikki changes into a all sequin NYE top. What was wrong with the normal top she had on earlier? I guess it didn't fit this rhinestone cowboy theme they were going for?

Yee-haw!! This is fun!! Finally Nikki and Ben sit down in a scenic area to talk about her divorce for the 50th time and how weird it's going to be going to meet a girl's parents that have been divorced. Luckily, Ben is fresh of Kacie B.'s parents. Nikki doesn't even know how lucky she is! I mean her dad could be Tony Soprano and Ben would be relieved after the beating he got in Tennessee. Still, it's the unknown. Are Nikki's parents going to be super protective? How does this whole drill go when the girl has already been married?

They arrive at the house and Nikki's parents are divorced. I immediately feel like this is going to be FINE!! They are going to think potential hubby #2 is no big deal! Welcome to the family, Ben! I've never been relieved that anyone's parents are divorced before, but since Nikki's are, I think they will be more accepting of this whole thing.

Ben keeps saying how much he loves Texas. Which is great, but it's almost like when someone keeps saying something so much and with such gusto, you stop believing them or stop caring? One of the two.

Nikki and her mom head upstairs for a girl chat sesh. Nikki is like "Mom, I am falling in love with him." and Nikki's mom approves! She already likes him! That was quick! I wonder if she watched him on the show during Ashley's season or if she just needed that 5 minutes with him to totally approve of her daughter falling in love with this guy that's dating 3 other chicks. Nikki and her dad talk.  Nikki is a daddy's girl. Nikki's dad feels like he gave her hand away in marriage too quickly last time and that he's not going to do that this time. He should have questioned and "known" about her ex-husband and that it wouldn't have worked out. No one can see into the future, Nikki's dad, it's okay! The man is tearing up! Why are they just talking about this now is my question?? This man needs to talk! Oh well, better late than never.

So, after that, I think maybe Nikki's dad is going to sit down with Ben and ask him some scathing questions, but before I know it he's giving a toast basically welcoming him into the family. Even Nikki's little bro likes him! My gosh, this went so much better than Kacie B.'s hometown, you would have thought Kacie was fresh off a divorce? Nikki's family totally approves. They are about to box up her things and ship them to Sonoma!

Omg, I almost forgot, before Ben leaves, Nikki pulls Ben into that room upstairs where she and her mom got down to business and she just flat out tells Ben, "I'm in love with you." Ballsy! Someone had a lot of wine?! But, I think she was really feeling it and had to get it out there. Hey, you've got to live everyday like it's your last, right? Way to LIVE, Nikki! See you at the rose ceremony!

Nothing and I mean nothing could have prepared me for...

Hometown Date Numero Cuatro: Courtney in Arizona

cacti make me feel at home too

I've read that Ben went to ASU and I bet he felt very comfortable in this dessert like setting. The way Courtney acts you'd think she grew up in an orphanage or some really abusive home, but I'm seeing no signs of this so far. Courtney's parents kind of remind me of Elle Wood's parents in Legally Blonde. You remember Elle's dad..."Oh sweetheart, you don't need to go to law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things." Love that movie. Anyway, something about Courtney's dad's argyle sweater vest and Courtney's mom super face lifted face took me back to Elle's parents. (Elle. Like we are friends?) (Like she is a real person?)

They sit down to a meal. Everyone's enjoying their white wine. Courtney's sister asks something like if she's falling in love or if she's fallen??  Let's not get too technical here. Courtney's sister and Courtney sneak away in the pueblo to talk. Courtney says her sister knows her better than anyone. I just feel sorry for her sister. She is obligated to love her despite her being a black widow spider. It's a sister code thing. Courtney's dad tells Ben that "marriage is the biggest gamble of your life. and asks if he's ready to take that gamble??"

Robert and I agreed that marriage shouldn't feel like a gamble, but should feel more like a "sure thing". I guess Courtney's dad made a good gamble. He and the Mrs. are still together. Beginners luck?

Courtney and her mom talk. Courtney tells her mom that she looks pretty. Well, did you think your mom was just going to throw on sweats? It's pretty clear to me that Court's mom could be fresh off her third face lift. She's definitely a regular at the local Scottsdale plastic surgery clinic. My Granny (my hero) got a face lift and a tummy tuck. I'm not judging Court's mom. But, I think she could be a little young to go under the knife. My Granny was like 70 when she did it. *sidenote: for future reference...she said she would get five face lifts again before she got a tummy tuck. tummy tucks hurt.* Courtney's mom tells Courtney that she looks happy. Courtney says she is happy. That's weird because she cried and bitched during the entire last episode. Oh and she also treats everyone like ass. If this how Courtney is "happy", then I'm really scared for what "mad, sad or scared." would look like.

They leave her house and now they are going on their date that Courtney planned. This is crazy...they usually do the date thing pre-parents house, not post. Court is a smooth operator. She is going leave a lasting impression.

Little did I know how lasting it would be.

So they are eating again. Having a picnic. Are they even hungry? didn't they just eat? Court tells Ben this is where she did her first photo shoot. How nostalgic. She also says there are weddings here and that she has always seen herself getting married her. She also keeps using the word RUSTIC. If she said it one more time I was going to freak out. Does she even know what that means? Just because something is outdoors does not make it "rustic".

And look over there...there just happens to be a wedding set up! I think I know where this is heading, but I'm no, it surely can't be this is planned.... This is just a coincidence and Courtney didn't set this all up. They head on over there. My worst fear is realized. Courtney planned this thing. #dread #shock She pulls out a bow tie for Ben to wear. She pulls out journals for them to write vows. THIS IS SO WEIRD. Why is this happening??!! AHHHH THERE'S A "PREACHER"!! They read each other their vows!! Courtney says she is love. I was also informed later that some of Courtney's vows were taken from the Sex and the City movie. Of course they were. She loves cliches and generic phrases. It's all she speaks it. I can't believe how uncomfortable this is all getting. Yet, all the while, Ben thinks it's great! He loves it!

You know I thought Court's dress looked sort of bridal. All part of her MASTER plan.

After this whole faux wedding thing, she is definitely getting a rose.

almost married. no you are actually not. 

Rose ceremony time!!! This is not going to be fun.

I really didn't have a feel for who would be going home. I was thinking probably Nikki or Kacie B. Andddd it's Kacie B.!! I was still surprised even though I was pretty sure that there was no recovering from that hometown. Kacie and Ben sit down and talk on a bench. She is crying. :(

She gets in the limo and the crying begins to become hysteria  "What the ____ happened??! What the ______ happened??", Kacie B. bawls. Her conservative non-drinking parents will LOVE that. F%$# coming out of their little daughter's mouth.

I'll tell you what the eff happened Kacie B., your mom and dad freaked out Ben and the rest of America.

Really though, I think she's better off. The way Ben and Cout are together are really starting to make me nervy and Kacie does not want to loose to Courtney. Evil should not triumph over good as it is during this season of The Bachelor.

Next week.........they're going to SWITZERLAND!!! I was waiting for Courtney to exclaim that she'd been there in the last 6 months, but she didn't say a peep! Shocking, she loves to be a buzzkill!

Until then....

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