Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Bachelorette Season Seven: Shield My Eyes, I Can't Watch....

I'll just go ahead and say what we are all thinking....

Ha. Just kidding. KIDDING. Everyone calm down. I think the women of America would form a united front and boycott ABC if this was even to be rumored. It's not rumored. I made it up, like most of the stuff I write on this blog. ha. 

I think THIS is really what we are all thinking....from my sister's facebook status last night:

I HOPE BENTLEY DIES ALONE. #thebachelorette

Now, I've never wished that on anyone. I'm guessing my sister hasn't either. What is it about Bentley's snarky ways that forces us to put him in the same tier of "people we hate" such as, Hitler? 

Is it the way he kept bringing up Emily?

Emily is not the Bachelorette. Let it go. 

Is it the way he told the camera one thing and then told Ashley something completely different?? (Which would be called lying.) Is it because he used his DAUGHTER as an excuse to leave??? (Seriously? How low can you get?)  Or is it how he knew Ashley was in love with him, but he said that she is the type of girl that he would "hook up with every once and a while" but never really date?? And I can’t even bring up the "dot dot dot" line without feeling nauseous…..

The answer is D. all of the above. We hate him for all those reasons. We hate him because he embodies that terrible guy that we've all met. You know the one. The one you met your freshmen year of college, everyone thinks he's cute and he knows it. You are introduced to him and you know he will never remember your name. He makes you feel like you are invisible and that looks ARE the only thing that matters with just one glance. He's the guy that makes you loose faith in all guys. Bentley is that guy - except he's even worse. 

What caused me to want to shield my eyes was the way that poor Ashley fell for him. She sincerely liked this guy and it just hurt me to watch her pour her heart out about him.

I could barely watch the whole escapade of when he went to tell her good-bye. I mean, it felt like hours and hours. This emotional break up and they had just spent time together on group dates? Let’s be thankful there was no one-on-one.  

I wanted to scream, "Ashley, lock it up!" and "Bentley, just be the jerk that you are!!!!" How much easier would it have been on her if he would have been the total ass that he is in real life?? It would have been a hell of a lot easier on her. Instead of heartbreak there would have been a little anger in there. A little anger goes a long way for a woman. It's the difference between listening to Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette. Ashley could have used a little anger.

Instead she was sobbing in her bed debating whether or not "this whole thing is going to work for her." And she's just now pondering this post Bentley-gate?? What about the other seasons of this show?  The track record with all the break-ups and broken relationships didn’t make her question “this whole thing”? Did she not watch the Jake and Vienna break-up special? 


Bentley finally departs after more lying, maliciously leading her on and falsely comforting her. We see a devastated Ashley as the rain falls outside her scenic L.A. mansion. And scene.

Now that we've covered Bentley's massacre of Ashley's emotions...let's rewind.

I didn't see Ben C.'s date. We didn't record the first 15 minutes. I know there was a flash mob and dancing involved and I know he gets a rose. Party on, Ben.
Next up, we have the group date at the comedy club. The guys are going to roast Ashley. Great idea! Girls LOVE it when guys they barely know make fun of them on a deep personal level. Ashley claims she loves idea, she tells them to go after her. Hmm. I don’t think she really thought that one through.

Luckily for her, the guys don't take this too seriously because they don't want to insult this girl that they are trying to impress. They want a rose. Well, all the guys have that mentality, that is, except for William. William thinks he's Seinfeld and he's getting his big break on Johnny Carson. He is taking this roast seriously. This is William’s chance to be a stand up comedian. He is going to make this a TRUE roast. If William’s goal is to be in comedy, he’s on the wrong show, but who am I to judge? 

William's big break. 

The guys start roasting. Ryan M. was pretty horrific to watch. Then someone brings up Ashley's small chest and that begins to be a common theme of the roast. 80% of the guys tell a joke about her boobs. Which isn’t really that funny, but okay? Then, we get some playful insults towards the other guys. Most were thrown at the masked man, Jeff, who anti-climatically revealed his face before the date. Ashley’s reaction to the reveal of Jeff’s face - “He’s older than I thought.” Like I said, anti-climatic.

Finally, William steps up to bat. He goes right into how he thought it would be Chantal or Emily as The Bachelorette and they just got her (Ashley) as the Bachelorette. Whoopsieee. William has struck a nerve. Ashley is visibly upset. Plus, he's not even funny. Is that all the ammo he’s got?? I was expecting something more with all this hype he built up??

Ashley cries after the roast is over. Bentley sees this as an opportunity to show how fake and sick he is by acting like he cares. It makes her feel better and she gets the strength to go to the cocktail party. There, she tells the guys why she was upset and William wants to commit suicide he feels so bad.

They go to talk alone and he tells her that the only thing for her to do is to send him home because he doesn't deserve to be here now. He also says that she should go to talk to one of the other guys to make herself feel better. Must he be so extreme?? He just needs to apologize. This isn't the end of the universe. It's not like he was calling her an ugly duckling (clearing my throat - Bentely) Will leaves the cocktail party and we see him running down a busy L.A. street and crying in the confessional. Is Will's journey on The Bachelorette over?? It's too dramatic...I have to shield my eyes.

Ashley goes on and talks to the other guys. Jeff, the masked rider, goes into how he adopted a three-legged dog. I really don't know how he can be any more awkward. Ryan M. is a rock star and says the sweetest stuff to Ashley making her feel better after William stomped all over her self-esteem. They share a kiss. It's pretty cute. Really pushing for Ryan to make it to the end J.  

Ashley decides to get it all out there and confront Bentley about the texts she got warning her about him. Bentley is vague and lies. Surprise, surprise again, Bentley is a bad person.

Ryan M. gets the rose. Yay.

stay focused, man. you can do this. 

Now jumping to Ashley's date with J.P. which is postpartum depression Bentley-gate. 

J.P. assures Ashley that he is there for the right reasons. They smooch. They get pajamas. This is just like real life! J.P. loves this! He says he would rather be doing this than doing something cool like riding in a helicopter. Ppppfffftttttt. Ashley says J.P. is a better kisser than Bentley. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Bentley.

J.P. gets the rose. And scene.

Now, it’s time for the rose ceremony. We find Ashley in the creepy room with all the candles and pictures of the guys. She’s still mourning Bentley. The tears are flowing as she turns over his picture. Chris Harrison shows up and finally talks some sense into her. Finally. I see a glimmer of hope that Ashley might realize that Bentley is in fact, “just not that into her”. Chris Harrison is phenomenal by the way.  

Ashley can't deal with the cocktail party - she's still on the emotional roller coaster from Bentley-gate and she decides to go straight to the rose ceremony. The guys are freaked out, especially William and Jeff, the masked rider.

She ends up saying good-bye to Jeff and Chris D. from Chicago.

I think Jeff just accomplished weirding everyone out and continues to do so post rose ceremony when he puts his mask in the fire and watches it burn. Okay? As for Chris, well, I can't remember anything he said, but he claims he didn’t get much of a chance. I don’t know what to say Chris except, be aggressive. B-E aggressive. This isn’t normal life, it’s the Bachelorette, where guys like Bentley succeed.

Anywayyyy, see you, boys at The Men Tell All!

Let's not forget the elephant in the room – hello - William gets a rose!!!! Which displays the lesson of the day.......forgive those that wish you were Emily Maynard. 

The End. 

Who's ready for Thailand next week????? I AM!!   

p.s. Interesting rumors about Bentley – he’ll make another appearance on the show. (That’s true from people.com) And also, that he owns a trampoline business. Really?? Is that what he’s trying to promote. This is really getting more pathetic by the minute….

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