Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Bachelorette Season Seven: It's the Eye of the Tiger, it's the Thrill of the Concussion!

This episode was kind of uneventful, but don't worry, I can get pretty wordy, so I'll somehow find a way to make a full recap out of it.

Welcome to the glorious city of Chiang Mai!! The boys pull up at some sort of palace to stay at! Fancy. That should make this experience a little bit better (oh wait, never mind, they are going to make them fight each other later).

Guess what time it is???!! One on one date time with Ben F., the wine maker!!!

Now, what is up with Ashley's 80s-esque business outfit? I mean, it's cute, but I felt like she was ready for a day of work at an advertising agency, not a day of strolling around the Thai market place?? (Which by the way is exactly like "real life".) Oh well, who cares about her pencil skirt and shell, if she's happy, I'm happy!! I haven't heard the name Bentley yet, so that's a plus!! I do keep hearing her talk about the getting a "fresh start" thing. How many fresh starts does one need??

the internet is a sick place. humiliated i found this photo. 

Let's get back to real life and Ben F., the elephant painter/winemaker. There was some chemistry last week, what is going to happen now?? They see street food! They paint umbrellas!! She tries on a robe!! A day of tourism at it's best. Ben F. says he has the best job in the world. Good call, entice her with the life on the vineyard!!

business casual in Thailand

Before I knew it they were sitting in front of some sacred temple thing where they are not allowed to kiss. What would happen if they did kiss?? Would they have been caned?? That would have been a buzzkill. I'm guessing it was more of a superstitious thing. Ashley pretended that there was sexual tension between her and Ben F. She claimed that she "really wanted to kiss him!!" Was it that OR was she just trying to squint her eyes and imagine Bentley?? I don't know...I don't know...

Thankfully, it's time for the a dinner date in the middle of lots of candles!! There IS kissing allowed there!! Ashley does the thing where she pretends that she set the whole dinner up. When Ben F. walks in and is like, "Wow...this is great.", she's like, "I know, isn't it awesome." Like she worked all day on it. ppppfffffttttt.

Ashley wants to pick grapes on Ben F.'s vineyard. They have migrant workers for that. I don't think that requires dental school either, but hey, whatever you want to do!! I went to college and I really want to be yoga instructor, so I feel you sister!! Pick those grapes!!

Ben F. confesses out of nowhere that he was emotionally closed off about a year ago, but now he's not.

Okay??? Maybe he should have kept that inside?? But he didn't. So honest of him. So deep. Ashley digs it. They kissssssss.

the tension is broken

Now, it's time for the group date!! 

I'd never heard of this famous sport called Muay Thai boxing. And I'm still confused how it's different from normal boxing, but I'm a girl soooo, yeah. 

Anyway, that's what they are doing for the day...Muay Thai boxing. Did anyone catch that they were training for THREE hours. Bless their hearts. It looked more intense than Cross Fit. So, Cross Fit for 3 hours, all while trying to be macho in front of Ashley in spandex. 

Was it Lucas or Ryan P. that "spandex was made for people like Ashley". Was that a compliment?? I don't know, but it made me feel weird. 

So, they had to do this three hour training deal with these intense Thai trainers yelling at them and THEN...surprise!!! They had to fight each other!! They unveil this like the guys are supposed to be excited?? Who wants to be hit in the face? Who wants to look like a little girl if they lose? It's all stressing me out. They rush to get the boxing outfits. Ames is so nice that he lets the other guys grab all the colors of boxing outfits before himself. He is left with the pink one. I personally heart guys in pink. I also heart Ames. Ames has made it clear that he is not a fighter. That would be because he is SMART. But, he's going to give it all he has anyway. I mean, what else is he going to do?

eeehhhhhhhh

The fights start up. J.P. beats Mickey. I don't remember who else beats who. Ryan P. and Ames fight. Ryan P. clocks Ames in the head a couple times. Ryan P. wins. Ames steps out of the ring looking dazed. He probably had a small seizure that was edited out. Finally Ashley goes and gets the staff and in a scene was wasn't that dramatic, but was trying desperately to be, they haul Ames off in an ambulance mini van thing. 

Well, this is going all wrong!! Shoot!! When things go wrong it always makes me miss Bentley...anyone else??

Cocktail party time. Ames is missing. He's still not back?? My gosh, what is wrong with him?? Where is he?? Did they have to preform open heart surgery?? Ashley is trying to talk to the others, but she can't really focus. Finally, Ames comes back looking all spiffy!!! He's okay. Phew. He did say that he was having trouble talking around Ashley more than usual?? How much brain trauma did he suffer??

i hope he remembers all that stuff he learned at Harvard

Lucas teaches Ashley how to swing a golf club. I think Ashley is digging Lucas...Lucas is in this to win this!! Oh, I'm praying for a hometown visit to Lucas's city of Odessa!!! Do you think Ashley has seen Varsity Blues?? She better get to KNOW Permian Basin if she wants to hang with Lucas. Lucas says she thinks her type is Bentley. Salt in the wound Lucas, let's not bring up Bentley. 

Blake and Ashley have a convo about "where they are going". Ashley is happy with "where they are". Where are they?? They are both dentists!! Blake needs reassurance. Blake gets the rose. The others want it!! This is getting serious...real feelings are happening!!  

It's time for the two on one date with William and Ben C. William is the cell phone salesman, Ben C. is the passionate lawyer. Obvi, she likes neither of these guys. She tells them at the beginning of the date..."let's just see how this goes..." READ ---- "I'm thinking about Bentley and I don't really care about this date."

William takes it upon himself to be a big fat tattletale and tell Ashley that Ben C. said something about online dating when he got back home. William declares not all of the guys are completely in this. William, YOU IDIOT. Ashley's insecurities flare up like a mating iguana and in 4.5 seconds she is confronting Ben C. about his alleged "online dating remarks". Ben C. is totally caught off guard. He is here for the right reasons, damn it!!! See ya at The Men Tell All, Ben C., I'm sure you are going to want to Muay Thai Box William's face off. 

William thinks he is in the clear. He is feeling comfortable and good!!!

This brings to a parable about over confidence. I wish William would have known this parable. I've shared it with you before and I'll share it again....

One day, Mary and I were picking up lunch for the office at State and Allen. We saw a guy about our age in scrubs and Mary said, “he’s kind of cute.” Well, I thought I would take this opportunity to introduce myself to him and tell him to email Mary and hand him Mary’s business card. He did email Mary. This was fine, a good move I thought. He then called her that night and asked her to do something. A little zealous, but okay. She couldn’t do anything at that particular time. He then proceeded to keep emailing and sent her a picture. And that was the fall of Sam Eaton. Too much, man, just too much. Rule one if you want to get in the door with Mary: Be cool. Sam couldn’t be cool. He couldn’t hold it in….wayyyy too over confident. I blame myself really, we probably inflated his ego approaching him the way we did. I saw Sam about a year later at State and Allen again sporting the scrubs. Weird. Anyway, lesson learned, over confidence and being wayyy too comfortable at the beginning is frankly a turn off. 

Willam totally over confident and wayyyyyy too comfortable after Ben C. left and what happened. That fool was sent HOME!! Ashley was looking for the spark that was on the first date, but she couldn't find it (because she was thinking about Bentley mostly). William is sad. He calls himself a jackass. 

It's okay, Will, we all have to learn the hard way. I bet you're going to sell so many iPhone 4gs when you get home. 

The rose ceremony is here. Finally. I can't handle another second of this episode. And where's Bentley, I thought Bentley was holed up in some hotel room?? What is going on?? Satan...where art thou???

She talks to the guys, but is clearly not into it. Ryan P. and her have their normal ditty. Constantine isn't sure he's ready to propose. (Thank you for being normal.) She and J.P. talk about real life. 

It's time to talk to her life coach Chris Harrison. She's teary eyed, we know where this is headed....to Bentely and the DOT DOT DOT. Chris Harrison has got to be wondering how Ashley made it this far in life. Ashley doesn't feel honest, she has got to have closure so she can really give these guys a chance. I don't think she wants closure. I think she wants Bentley to come back and propose. She is seriously delusional, but that's okay. I issues too, so I'm not judging. Harrison says he'll make the Bentley connection happen. She's relieved. 

(Here's my question...couldn't have they just gotten that d-bag on the phone?? Why fly him all the way to Hong Kong??)

Anywayyyy....long story SHORT, she sends home the personal trainer. Good bye Nick!! He wasn't ready to go. Frowny face :(. I wouldn't want to leave the never ending frat party either, Nick.

How about the scenes for next week???? The boys are NOT happy about the surprise Bentley pop-in!!! Why are they even there if she's having secret rendezvous with Bentley??? Yeah, I'd be p.o.ed too. Do you think someone will leave??? This is going to be the most dramatic episode yet. I'll be there. 

7 comments:

Robert said...

There's no kicking in boxing.

Cherri "Bing" Hight said...

I have to DVR this show and watch it later in the week whenever I have the opportunity. This episode in particular left me chomping at the bit for a ppppfffffttttttt recap! I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could see what you had to say.
I laughed my head off as usual.

Thanks for being the best part of the show! <3

alexis scarff said...

Cherri!! You really don't know how much you made my day!!!! Thank you for reading and most importantly for letting me know that there was laughing involved...if I made one person smile-- mission accomplished!! :) I promise to try to get these recaps out faster just for you!!

Cherri "Bing" Hight said...

Aww! haha! Awesome. No rush though! I'm lucky if I've gotten to watch an episode by the time you already have the next one out!
Seriously...I watched the first 3 right in a row in the middle of the night on Saturday, and between each one I stopped to read your blog. =)

My favorite line from this one in particular;
"I hope he remembers all that stuff he learned at Harvard".....hahahaha. Not a highly significant comment to some, perhaps, but your humor...I get it.

alexis scarff said...

i don't think you understand how amazing it is that you get my humor, Cherri!! I feel like sometimes I'm laughing all by myself!!

Cherri "Bing" Hight said...

Oh no, listen...you have no idea. I stole the following quote from the recap a couple weeks ago and used it as a facebook status. (Don't worry..I gave Ppppffffftttttt props for it) =)

"...if he would have been the total ass that he is in real life, it would have been a hell of a lot easier on her. Instead of heartbreak there would have been a little anger in there. A little anger goes a long way for a woman. It's the difference between listening to Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette."

My man hating girlfriends and I LOVE your humor.

alexis scarff said...

STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!! you can use a ppppfffttt quote as a status and not give it props!! I love it :)