Glad I'm blogging so that I can communicate with my husband.
Okay, so the past two nights I've woken up sweating in the wee morning hours. Say 3ish.
*By the way, This whole "sweating in my sleep bit" has just been happening since sleeping with Robert aka marriage. I wake up in the mornings sometimes and I am drenched. Like pj's are completely wet and sheets need to be changed. TMI. Probably. I just don't get it? Is is the body warmth from another person in the bed? I'm pretty cold natured, like always want extra blankets so I truly don't get what is it causing this superfluous sweating? I dislike feeling that I just got out of a pool when I wake up. It does not help this whole "feminine and delicate" wife image I try to live up to when I wake up feeling like a sweaty fat man.*
Anyway, I'm pretty sure the night before last I woke up in the middle of the night because I realized that the Christmas cards that I ordered from Snapfish are going to have a fuzzy picture of Robert and I on them.
That's for a whole other post entitled, "I'm stupid." or maybe entitled "Please pay attention to Snapfish when they print on your picture- WARNING this picture has low resolution". I conferenced with Jamie about this and I called Snapfish and got a full refund - I'll be sure to let you know how they turn out with they arrive. Oh yes, I called Snapfish and they were already sent out. Oh yes, I ordered low resolution Christmas cards. This is so humiliating, I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this. In my defense I've never done this before and also in my defense when I "previewed" the Christmas card it wasn't blurry. ppppffffftttttt.
So last night, I woke up again. This time it was because I heard multiple car alarms going off. Baby, did you hear those? I heard at least 3. I immediately assert that there is a car thief ravaging the cars in our neighborhood. Then I talk myself into thinking that I can hear the thief himself on foot going from car to car. Literally, I think I hear someone running. I assume that he won't try to rob the jalopy (my '99 Lexus SUV) mostly because Lexus's are like fortresses. I've locked my keys in mine enough to know. But, I decided that he was probably robbing Gary (our '10 Camry). (And yes, we bought a Camry the year that they STOPPED being America's most reliable vehicle and STARTED killing people.) I still laid in bed half asleep and didn't do anything to stop this robbery of Gary.
Then I thought of Antoine Dodson. What is wrong with me?? Why do I think of this individual so much?? It's because I was thinking to myself, "Obviously we've got a car thief in Lakewood...." and he starts out his infamous interview with, "Obviously we've got a rapist in Lincoln Park...." Earlier yesterday evening I was having one of those, "I'm upset and crying for no reason moments" - To cheer me up, Robert put on the Antoine Dodson youtube of his interview, not the song. The interview. And it's gets me every time. Cheered me right up. Some girls need flowers. Some girls need Antoine Dodson.
After I got Antoine out of my head in my sleepy blurry daze, I thought about the car thief and his rationale for robbing and thought, "It's the holidays. People are getting desperate." You know that cliche evaluation of all robberies during this season.
In retrospect: first of all, the alleged thief isn't robbing cars on November 11th to buy toys for his children to put under the tree. So I don't know why I jump to the conclusion that this is a "holiday robbery".
Secondly, in context of the desperate holiday robbery, I feel like I'm almost at that level.
Let me explain, as I stated it's only November 11th now and my head is constantly filled with "What am I going to get this or that family member for Christmas??" and now it's doubled because I want to try to fill the "perfect daughter-in-law" shoes and get my in-laws perfect gifts. I'm feeling this new edge of desperation. I need to wrap their gifts! Do I get them stocking stuffers?? I'm taking away their only son for Christmas. I need to compensate with presents!!
I really want to get my mother and father in law something great because they do so much for Robert and I. BUT, BUT - they're so hard to buy for. Does Boney need another tie? No. What do I get Teri? The woman with immaculate taste? More bubble bath? I bought her some decor I thought she might like when we were in our honeymoon in Hawaii. She put it on her shelf when I was there, but the next time I visited it was gone. I'm assuming she gave it to Good Will. My point: they're hard to shop for. And things I want to get them we probably can't afford.
It leaves me feeling like I don't have enough. Financially and mentally. And it leaves me sad that THIS is the feeling that the holiday season stirs up in me every year.
Don't get me wrong. I love love love giving presents and getting them isn't shabby either. But every single year I over do it with presents and stretch myself to the limit financially; therefore, mentally I'm so spent I don't even remember why I'm giving these presents in the fist place.
I mean it's not even Thanksgiving and I'm fighting it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perspective. I need a shifting of it. Honestly, a daily prayer for me has got to be that I remember several things that I forget every five minutes.
1. everything material is fleeting. it's not what matters at the end of the day.
2. people don't care about what you give them for Christmas. really, all they care about is the thought.
3. Christmas is celebrated all over the world because of the BIRTH OF CHRIST. Christ came to the world to save us, God gave Him to us and because of that the world will never ever be the same.
I've got to keep reminding myself of these things and because of that, I might be blogging about it. Just a warning.
Love to my friends and wish you the most wonderful blessed holiday season possible.
Thanksgiving is almost here :). Gobble Gobble.