My new year began on the couch with Baby aka Robert. Baby and I made pasta and watched The Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. Great flick by the way. In the movie Emily Blunt is a professional dancer. Robert suggested maybe that's something I could be passionate about- a career in dance. Yes, I'm 28 and still searching for something to be passionate about. (You youngsters...clearing my throat...Gus...Ryan...do what you LOVE...please don't succumb to a life of administrative assisting as I have)
Emily Blunt dancing in the movie. Obvi, I could do that no prob. ppppppffffffffftttttt
Anyway, there are many issues with Baby's suggestion. We won't even get into my body type or the fact that I wasn't that great of a dancer when I practiced for hours every day in high school. My leaps...below average. My double turns...eeekkkk. To prove this fact of my mediocrity, I didn't even make my sorority's U-Sing during my freshmen year of college. U-Sing is a thing where freshmen Greek people sing and dance in this performance for Parents weekend. I guess dancing since age 3 wasn't good enough for the sisters of Kappa Kappa Gamma or brothers of Lambda Chi Alpha. I'm over it I promise.
Whoa there. Again, I digress.
While I will not be pursuing a career in professional dance anytime soon, I do wonder what would it be like to know that you are in a profession that you love???
I found myself again approaching this subject while watching The Bachelor last night. (also, i will be doing recaps of each episode. coming later this week...stay tuned) Ben, The Bachelor, said to Kasi B. on their date that he has found what he wants to do in his life and where he wants to be. Wine making. In Sonoma. pppppffffffffffttttttttt. Sounds nice, doesn't it. I found myself saying, "Well, I want to be a wine maker!! I want to KNOW where I'm supposed to be and what I LOVE." I mean, I might as well stick with the professional dancer route. That's about as much reality as the wine maker statement has. Still, the knowing what you want to do part might be kind of nice.
But, I think of what I do know. I do know that I'm supposed to be here in this place and I LOVE Robert and the rest....well what really is the rest?? So, I don't get to live in wine country or prance around in a leotard. But, I can have full hope that to me life isn't necessarily about what you do per say, but rather, who you are. How deep. Ha. jk. What am I even talking about?
And then there is this other looming profession that coming up in my future. God willing...motherhood.
Have you ever seen this Bill Burr bit on motherhood?? It's funny. Kills me. "bending over at the waste putting dvds into dvd players" hehehehe. BUT, all you mothers please don't want to burn me at the stake because while I think it's funny, I do sort of want to punch him because I know that being a mother really is hard. I do. And I'd really like him to try being with a baby for 24 hours and see what he thinks about motherhood then. :)
Watch any of those other Bill Burr clips, really he is hilarious.
I'm not even sure what to feel about motherhood. I feel excited, scared, at peace and anxious. All sorts of feelings. I mostly know that I cannot do it and will have to completely rely on the love and power of Christ and God every single day. I'm also thankful I have my mom as a role model on this. She was so selfless. Always wanted my sister and I around her, wasn't afraid to be a mother and not a friend when she needed to be. I hope I can be 1/10 of a mother as she has been to me. Shout out, Mama Franni :)
And I have friends that are mommies now and are still normal people and not warped by "mommy land"...they will definitely be support and have already been support for me even if they don't know it. Watch me be the one that is warped by mommy land. I mean maybe I won't be able to be in social settings without talking about bottles and breast pumps. #help But who knows?? It is already consuming just with the baby in my tum. I mean the registering and never ending lists....the pregnancy books...the doctor's appointments. It does become your life. And while it's fun and exciting. It's a new life and your old life of just looking out for #1 is o-v-e-r. Not that I used to just spend hours thinking about myself?? You know what I mean.....
But, I hope to not JUST think only on the baby and all things concerning it. It's a big world out there and there are lots of things to be aware of and know outside of yourself. That goes for anyone, not just a new mother.
Ummmm yeah....I'm pretty sure that I've swerved a little off topic, though I'm not even sure I had a topic to begin with? Soooooo, I'll just say that I wish everyone a year of renewal....a year of clarity....a year of new adventures and new obstacles and a year of GROWTH. We can only move forward...right?? Right.