Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Bachelor, Season: Ben Episodes 4 and 5

Park City and Episode 4 seem so far away right now and I am going to struggle to remember, but I'll try to hit some high points. 

Of all the seasons of this show that I've watched, Episode 4 was totally the Bachelor gone Western. They were really trying to push this whole outdoorsy, "Ben is a cowboy" theme. Why must Ben be a cowboy? The wine thing is working for him, we don't need to put him on a horse. But they do and it is painful. I had to close my eyes. Back to that later. 

Ben kicks off this episode with a one on one with Rachel. 

I call Rachel, "Heather Graham" or Rachel, but in my head it's always Heather Graham. Ben and Rachel's date proved that Ben's expectations in women are pretty low. Ben and Rachel have more silent pauses and uncomfortable conversations than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humpries on the season finale of "Kim and Kourtney Take New York". Yet, Ben insists that she really opened up and hit it off. Okay?? I think you just want to date a Heather Graham look-alike. Please. We've all seen Boogie Nights. Ben is most likely having fantasies of roller-girl when he asks Rachel to accept this rose. 

Now, onto the group date! Horseback riding and fly fishing...Ben is SO outdoorsy. Ben LOVES the outdoors, everyone. 

The internet is a wondrous thing.  Here he comes ladies!

Someone out there captured Ben's struggle with the horse in the picture above.#helphimsomeone Still the girls thought he looked "just like prince charming". They need some perspective, but it's not going to happen. And good for Ben for just being willing to look sort of clumsy on the horse. He doesn't take himself to seriously, I like that about him. 

After a beautiful horse back ride, it's time to fly fish! It actually does look kind of fun, I've always wanted to wear those overall things and see what this is all about. Well, not always, but since the last couple of years when I see the pics of couples on Facebook fly fishing. I think, "hmm, that's cute. Maybe I should do that someday. Just for the pictures alone."

Anyway, back to the girls. I think this is the episode where Kasi B. is crying every 2 minutes in the confessional. She is claiming this is so much harder than she thought. Again - perspective is needed. Someone needs to remind her that she wasn't just diagnosed with HPV, she is just on a reality TV show. This is not "hard". Ben does make a point to spend time with Kasi during the fishing. This is good because she really needs to be reminded of their "connection" to continue breathing.

Courtney is being weird. Surprise surprise. I think she keeps on saying like how catching a fish is like catching a man. And she KNOWS how to catch a man. Well, let's hope so, Courtney. I mean, for Petes sake, you're a model. I mean all you really have to do to get a man's attention is just stand there. She finds a way to get Ben to come fish with her away from the other girls. Lindzi (first impression rose winner and horse chick) is really demanding that this is HER date because she loves the outdoors and is trying to fish with Ben and Courtney. Uggg. Courtney is annoying, but Lindzi is managing to be more annoying. We get it, Lindz, you LOVE the outdoors. You LOVE horses. By some sheer miracle Courtney manages to catch a fish. She really feels validated by this and that this means she is WAY better than the other girls. I don't really think it means anything besides pure dumb luck, but that's just me. 

So, the group date moves forward to the evening for cocktails and hot tubbing/swimming/spa-ing. Nikki (divorced dental hygienist from Texas) and Ben have a conversation and Nikki expresses her deep gratitude that Ben has chosen her to go on group dates and how much fun she has had. They chat a little more..."blah blah blah". Then Samantha interrupts to talk to Ben and as if it was scripted she expresses her deep anger that Ben has only asked her on group dates and she is NOT happy about it. She couldn't have made herself look worse. What was she even saying? You can't force someone to want to get to know you. I think she's coming to terms with realizing that she is not that interesting and the producers don't care if she goes on a one on one with Ben. Ben is not feeling her and decides to send her home that moment. She is crying. He insists on walking her back to the hotel and out to the car. It's all horrific to watch. Samantha says that she "really liked him". No she didn't. She'll be fine after a couple appletinis. 

Good-byes are hard. 

The girls are all shocked at how REAL this is getting. Anyone could go home at any moment. Ahhhhh!! Oh yeah and Courtney gets the group date rose because she whines to Ben in her robe and Ben wants to make her feel better about how hard this all is on her. Brother. 

Now we go to Ben's one on one date with Jennifer, the accountant from Oklahoma. The date starts out with them tromping through the woods through all of these "No Trespassing" signs. ABC, you are so funny how you try to trick us!! Yeah, right like they'd just be parading on someone else's property with a camera crew. ppppfffffffttttttt. Anyway, they get to some sort of crater that they are going to repel down. If you can believe it, neither Ben nor Courtney have ever repelled down a crater. What?! You're kidding right? Repelling craters is like running a 5k, everyone has done it at least once. HA. Jennifer is nervous, but just does it. I think it's really more brave of her to wear a yellow bikini on national tv, than to repel down a crater. You never really know how yellow is going to look against certain skin tones. So they swim in the bottom of the crater which reminded me of the movie 127 hours. There is a similar swim scene. I blogged about 127 hours here. (Everyone be thankful for both of your arms.) 

I think after this they had some sort of drinks in a cabin or a picnic setting. This conversation between the two of them stuck out to me. Ben asks Jennifer if her days are really structured and if she'd be okay with not really having a schedule. Hmm. Jennifer is an accountant, so yeah, I'm guessing her days are pretty structured and why does that matter? So, if Jennifer ends up being "the one" does she have to forgo her life of accounting and commit to a bohemian existence in the vineyards, picking grapes and drinking wine all day? And who in their right mind, no matter their zeal for accounting, would not want sign up for that lifestyle?! Jennifer insists that she doesn't have to have a schedule and Ben seems happy about her answer. She gets the rose. And as if this night could get ANY better and more magical...how does it all end?? A Clay Walker performance!! Ben set this all up for Jennifer! ABC had nothing to do with setting that up. Wow, how thoughtful of Ben!! He must really have some connections to people in Nashville. 

just like a normal date

It's rose ceremony time. Emily is starting to really hate Courtney to the point where she wants to talk to Ben about how wicked she is. She thinks that Courtney is one person around Ben and another around the girls. I think Courtney is just awful around everyone, but Ben thinks she's hot, so feels okay about overlooking it. Emily talks to Ben about it and comes off looking like a catty, shallow girl and Ben totally takes up for Courtney. Emily comes back and is telling a couple of the girl's about this exchange and about how terrible Courtney is and how she blew it with Ben. Casey S. happens to be in the mix in this discussion and disagrees with Emily and says Courtney is her "best friend" in the house. Whaaaaa?? Poor Casey S. is friends with the evil one? And thinks she's nice? Really? And Hi, Casey S., didn't really notice you til now and you are very cute! I like your style! (really, great clothes and jewelry) Casey S.'s mother must not have told her "you are the company that you keep" since she is "best friends" with Voldemort. 

emily, ben and courtney. Emily vs. Courtney has begun

So, like any good "best friend" Casey S. goes and tells Courtney that Emily is talking bad about her to Ben. Courtney goes pretty psycho and notches up her bitchiness a couple levels. I didn't know that was possible. She even goes out of her way to tell Emily that she is "winning". Now, I used "#winning" in an earlier post to be funny/dumb. "Winning" is so 2011. I don't know if you follow Charlie Sheen on twitter, Courtney, but he is no longer on drugs. He's clean now.  No adult needs to use "winning"  in a serious context. Emily thinks she might have messed everything up with Ben. And Courtney's hazing isn't helping. She could be right. Will Emily get a rose???? Oh the suspense! And she does. Monica, the dental consultant, goes home. She cries. It's a cruel world.

After Monica departs, Ben announces to the remaining girls that they are "going to Puerto Rico!!" There's lots of screaming!! Woooooooohooooooo!! The Courtney says, "I was there two months ago." and Ben says, "well you're going back". Again screaming!!! Wooohooooooo!!!"

I'll just go ahead and post this riveting recap of Episode 4. Episode 5...coming soon. Stay tuned. Skinny dipping is involved. 


Robert said...

What color bikini goes well with an Oklahoma City tan and fake red hair?

alexis scarff said...

I'm going to have to agree with Jamie and say definitely green. But, I think you can never go wrong with navy either. I just wouldn't have chosen yellow to be on TV. But that's just me. And I'm pretty lame. :)