Birthdays Abolished

Not in real life, just at my office. We used to have this ritual for every office birthday. The birthday boy or girl picks where they want to "order in" for lunch and what dessert they want and our boss treats the office to a lunchtime birthday celebration. Then we all sit in the conference room and eat our lunch and dessert and try to talk to each other, until we sing happy birthday and then it's safe to go back to work

I thought birthdays at the office were just painful for me, but now that they are abolished, I assume that I'm not alone. Everyone mutually agreed that we didn't want to deal with it anymore. And now, here we are, a no birthday celebrating office.

Birthdays were painful for me because I have to get everyone's order for lunch and go pick it up. My job is very multi-faceted. Waitress is one of the facets. It's sounds simple, but no, no, it was never simple. This is because my colleagues seemed to get confused that I'm not actually a waitress at the chosen restaurant and ask me questions about the menu. When I first began working, I would go to any length to answer their ridiculous questions about the menus. Eventually, I realized that they can deal with it. "I don't know what kind of bread they make that sandwich with. and I don't know if that comes with fries. I've never been there. I don't work there." Why do they think I know these things? They also begin acting like this is the LAST meal they will ever eat and that what they order for lunch is an extremely crucial decision. Just get the crispy chicken salad!!! It will be fine!!! Sigh. And then if I get back to the office with all the food and something is missing or wrong with an order. Oh the drama that ensues.........

Saying that, all that nonsense was usually worth it for two reasons: 1. we were celebrating someone's birthday, making them feel special (yes, i'm cheesey) and b. dessert. I'm a dessert person, so desserts really awakens that fat kid that lives inside of me and makes me very happy. So, since, birthdays at work meant dessert I could handle the rest of it. It was especially fun when the office was on this big Sprinkles kick and we would get Sprinkles for every birthday. That was a good time.

amazing. 

Tomorrow is someone's birthday at work and even though we are not supposed to acknowledge it, I will be making a dessert and bringing it to the office. I have to hold on to one birthday work tradition. I refuse to listen what anybody says, everyone wants something sweet on their birthday. I will be making my mom's famous dirt cake. She makes it every April for my sister's birthday. Neal family favorite! Also, I'm going to put it in a flower pot with a fake flower so it looks like real dirt. The birthday girl is a gardener, so it makes sense. Pictures and recipe posted tomorrow. Robert will ask me why I'm making this tonight and I will tell him that I have to support my beliefs. I believe in dessert. Birthday lunches can fade at the office, but dessert. Dessert will live on.

thoughts

This moment, I'm thankful that the week is winding down....it's almost here...can you feel it???

Freedom is almost here!!! Doesn't this picture just make you think of FREEDOM? They look awfully free.

Our weekend is wide open and free of any planned event. A weekend of freedom. But, with this freeness, I do plan to clean a lot, cook a little, read a little, yoga a little and relax a lot. I also plan to reflect and be thankful for friends, family and health and to pray specifically for people on my heart and mind. Sometimes we just need to stop being a busy bee and use our freedom to be still. Stillness is hard sometimes. Life is hard sometimes. When it gets too hard and there's nothing we can do, the only thing to do is be still and pray. Faith, time and the angels around us take care of the rest. My angels are have been my friends and family...over and over again.

All for now....and remember.... :) xo

Bachelorette Season Seven: Viva Las Vegas!

Hey, sick-o's (like me that care about the Bachelorette), how are we this week?? One less day in the office, I'll take it, right? Since, we are a bit delayed this week due to having Monday off, so is the re-cap...my apologies to those of you that have been refreshing this blog every 10 minutes praying for the highly acclaimed exclusive reviews here of The Bachelorette's antics on Monday evenings.

Okay, here it goes...

William gets the first date and it's a one on one??!! Lucky dog!! Cell phone salesman has GAME!!!! I see free text messaging in Ashley's future. Speaking of luck...off the two lovebirds go to Sin City!!! What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!! Unless you are on reality television that is.....

Ashley's clothes choice was interesting. Loved the leather jacket, confused about the short tight white dress. But, that all unfolds itself as we see what the their day consists of. Wedding cake tasting...ring shopping, so basically wedding planning?? White dress for the theme of the day. GREAT job, Bachelorette producers...guys LOVE that!! I wish I would have worn white on my first date with Robert, displaying to him how ready I was to be a BRIDE! Ashley knows what's going down here with her little white dress. And don't forget...they are in Vegas, they could just tie the knot right there. What is going ON here? A day of wedding planning leading up to the wedding. Oh boy...

As I hinted, I don't think the producers really thought this one all the way through. According to my survey it is safe to say that 98% of men want nothing to do with anything "wedding planning related". Yes, they want to buy the ring, maybe talk about the music at the reception and be sure that there is ample booze involved, but everything else is up to the woman.

Also, let's remember that they are on their first date. Let's chill on the wedding talk? Isn't there anything else to do in Vegas?? The M&M factory? That roller coaster?? Anything?? Cake tasting and ring shopping should make Big Willy Style break into hives. He clearly is unsure about what this date is about. While cake tasting, he says that the cakes, "seem like wedding cakes, but maybe Ashley is just hungry and wanted cake..." What did he tell himself when they were trying on rings? Ashely just wants to buy a new ring? Poor thing. He says, "I mean, I know it's a joke...." but he is pretty flushed. Seriously, though, did he seriously think they would get married and then the season would be over? No, I'm guessing not. A legally binding union is not going to take place between Ashley and William.

Which could explain why Will said "I do..." and Ashley said, "I...will...maybe later?" or something like that. Eeehhhh. Awkward. Then they share their first kiss during their faux wedding ceremony. 

Somewhere along this blissful day, Ashley claims that this is her best first date ever.

DOTH MY EARS DECEIVE ME?? 

Ashley's best first date WAS her carnival date with Brad Womack. I know this because they stated it over and over to each other throughout the date. "This is the best first date, I've ever had!" 

no more is this the reigning champ of first dates for Ashley H. r.i.p. 

Back to William and Ashley in Vegas. She says she knows that William is "fun" but, she's looking for someone who can be "serious" too. So, Ashley's mental bullet points of key personality traits in a man she wants to marry go as follows:

• fun
• serious

What does that even mean? What is serious and how serious does he need to get? Does he like need to read National Geographic and watch the History Channel? No, that's not really what it means. What it means is that William better buck up and share something tragic and difficult about his past. Voila! He delivers. William had a bad relationship with his father. :(. His father tragically died and now his watch is set to the time of his father's death reminding him to live life to it's fullest. :(. Ashley relates. Her dad is an alcoholic and has been in and out of her life. :(.  She immediately feels a bond. It is the daddy issues that binds them. Oh and they are sharing this with each other while sitting in the middle of the Bellagio fountains. Not to shabby. Props to the producers at ABC for coming up with that doozie.

btw, i've been to Vegas 3 times and never seen the fountains. 

William gets the rose. Score! 

Still wonder what wireless company he works for....AT&T, T-mobile, Verizon, Sprint?? 

Onward to date numero dos. It's a group date, hold on tight, this is sure to be a bumpy ride. 12 dudes board the private plane to Vegas. And what will they be doing there....dancing!! Ashley wants to show these boys that she can m-o-v-e.

get it gurrrl. 

The arrive and walk into a rehearsal of the dance crew the JabbaWockeez. They watch them perform, probably processing they are going to have to dance on prime time television when Ashley surprisingly pops up at the end of the performance. Just like magic! She then tells the guys to split into groups two groups and make up a short dance routine. The winning group gets to stay in Vegas and preform with the JabbaWockeez. Party! The losers get to go back to the mansion and play beer pong. 

The groups name themselves the "The Best Men" and the "No Rhythm Nation". The Best Men only incorporate Ashley in a little bit of their performance, during which they mimic a wedding ceremony and the No Rhythm Nation incorporates Ashley in their entire routine which is supposed to be a dance interpretation of a rose ceremony. Both groups get an A for effort, but the JabbaWockeez decide that the "No Rhythm Nation" takes the prize. Or did they? It was probably the producers making sure that Bentley hung around so he could get America really riled up with his awfulness. 

there's the Vegas group date on stage channeling New Kids on the Block

So, the 6 boys of No Rhythm Nation and Ashley perform in front of thousands with the JabbaWockeez and are feeling pretty good about themselves and then retire to cocktails on the rooftop, while the men take turns wooing Ashley. One of them declares, "we were a team today, but now it's everyman for himself." Here comes the testosterone. 

Blake the dentist pulls Ashley aside and she shares her concern with him that they might have too much in common. Two type A personalities might be too much for one relationship? Is that a country song? She tells Blake, "I am a perfectionist." Well, Ash, that will make guys DYING to marry you. Blake says, "they will be twice as perfect together." Awww. 

While talking to Blake, she gets pulled away by West. She says she really wants to get to know West and she is glad that he pulled her away. I'm thinking, Are you sure you want to get to know him? Because, if so, shit is about to get real. West and Ashley go sit on the stage and West tells her about how he had a wife that passed away. :(. While I do think West's story is very sad and he did need to share it, it did seem a little much for the Mandalay Bay in Vegas. I think Ashley used the word heavy. Definitely heavy. But, of course, Ashley is touched glad that West opened up and told her that. Let down those walls, West. 

Then - duh duh DUH- Bentley pulls Ashley away. He's told the camera that: a. she's not his type, but has a nice but and legs b. he's not in this for the long run, c. the competition part is what makes fun and finally d. it would be fun if she would tickle his pickle. But ABC bleeped out the word pickle. So, obviously he's terrible and inevitably, Ashley's crazy about him. 

They are laying on some type of couch thing and I feel like she is making herself keep a distance because she wants to pounce him. He mutters like 3 words about his daughter and all of the sudden she is begging him to stay if he has any feelings at all. She also somehow assumes that Bentley is being like she was on The Bachelor? That's weird, I didn't pick up on that. The pleading proceeds. "Please, please, please..." She said please like 8 times. I was thinking, GIRL, you have got to PLEASE stop. He is playing you like a $2 banjo. (I got that phrase of the West Wing. Thank you Aaron Sorkin) Bentley is very pleased with his conquer telling the cameras something like, "this is too easy..." Bentley, you are so effing cool, I can't even tell you. Doesn't feel good to be so bad? Soon, you might join the ranks of Jason Mesnik, Brad Womack, Wes the country singer (last name...idk right now ppffftt) and be America's most hated man because of your actions on this show if you keep this up! You are effing rad!!! 

ashley saying please, please, PLEASE....

The date ends and Bentley gets the rose proving all women are gullible and stupid and we move on. Yes, West probably should have got the rose after his revelation of his wife dying, but no, Ashley says, she is giving the rose to "someone who gave up a lot to be here." ppppfffffttttt. Ashley gave Bentley the rose because he's cuter, sorry, West, try again later. Bentley is ready to play blackjack now. Stay classy, Bentley.

jp to the left/mickey to right

Next up J.P. and Mickey flip a coin to see who will go on the next one on one date. A one on one, leaving that to the fate of a coin?! This is crazy!!! Mickey wins and off to Vegas he goes. Lo siento, J.P. 

Mickey and Ashley continue the theme and keep flipping a coin through their entire date. I kind of like that because it is a theme and I love a theme. NST! Never Stop Themeing!! (inside joke-sorry) Anyway, Mickey and Ashley have a grand old time wine tasting, talking about how his mom passed away :( and then a surprise performance from Colbie Caillat!! I know 2 of her songs if I hear them on the radio or in a grocery store, but I wouldn't have known who that was on the stage in a million years. Robert had never even heard of her. The look on Mickey's face said that Colbie Calliat was his favorite artist or that he thought she was someone else.

Colbie Calliat??!!!

Ashley is definitely feeling Mickey, (she likes Mama's boys) but to keep with the theme she suggests they flip a coin to see if she's going to give him a rose or not. What?! Mickey doesn't like these odds. She was going to give him the rose either way. Phew! Mickey the chef in the clear, put that rose on his lapel. And scene.

It's time for the rose ceremony and you know what that means- scorned Bachelors that didn't get anytime with Ashley and gloating Bachelors that already have roses. These two wrongs do not make a right.

J.P. goes in for the kill right away and parlays the whole coin toss bit into snagging kiss with Ashley. Those New Yorkers are smooth. William gets more time with Ashley causing West to make a snide remark. 

Then the masked man, Jeff, the entrepreneur, steps in. They have this secret creepy meeting in the stairwell. Oh but it's not a secret because the cameras are rolling. He tells her that he had a brain hemorrhage and his wife found him having a seizure on the bathroom floor and since then his life hasn't been the same. :(

Now, here's where I'm going to STOP and say these guys have got to calm down with the sad stories. How am I going to make fun and judge them?? It's making it a real struggle. I was ready to come out guns blazing with Jeff the masked rider, but now I feel like a real jerk if I were to post pictures of Zorro or The Phantom of the Opera and compare them to Jeff. You can't make fun of the guy that had a brain hemorrhage. Not to mention, William's dad passing away, West's wife tragically dying and Mickey's mom passing away. I know that death is part of life and this stuff happens but, GEES, boys, I'm about to wear black on Monday nights and just get ready to be in mourning. (That's not extreme at all.)

Anyway, Jeff, goes on to tell Ashley that he and his wife split up after his hemorrhage due to "untruthfulness"...whatever that means...and then he says he is ready to take off his mask. She confirms that she would love that. As he begins to lift the mask off his face for the first time, Matt steps into the stairwell and asks to speak to Ashley. Great timing, Matt. Jeff might kill you in your sleep now. The mask has got to be feeling a little uncomfortable at this point. But, Ashely steps away with Matt and Jeff fears he won't get a rose, since, well, she hasn't even seen his face. 

Matt and Ashley have an unmemorable convo and then Bentley steals her away. He carries her over to the fireplace declares that he is sick of talking and they kiss. Bentley tells the camera later that it was kind boring. Ashley tells the camera later that her gut tells her to trust him. This is sure to end well!!

Ashley says good-bye to Matt, Ryan M. and Stephen. Matt is the one who called his mom with Ashley. Ashley tells Matt to tell his mom, Gail that she said hello. Eeehhhhh. The family is already involved...awkward. But, Matt makes it better and hilariously calls his mom and leaves a message that Ashley isn't in love with him and that she needs to pick him up at the airport in 5 hours. ha. Ryan M. and Stephen leave with dignity. God's speed boys.

I personally missed Tim at the party....

umm, excuse me, Tim, you're on a TV show right now....would you like to wake up??

Tim confirmed to people.com this week that "the next morning was a giant fog". I believe that's called a hangover? He also said this sort of thing never happens to him, but maybe in the future he'll stick to club soda on first dates. Good call, T-money. Life's a dance you learn as you go....Sometimes you lead, sometimes you're on The Bachelorette.

On that note, I'll end. Can't wait for Bentley's dramatic departure next week....

grammar, spelling and punctuation - important

Dedicated to Sarah, who will not let me get away with a grammar mistake even in a casual email. 

And also, to Julia, who googles grammar rules and is a real life writer.

love you both, you inspire me to be better :)

Top 10 Blog Lists

I really don't need to follow another blog, yet I always seem to be finding new ones that I get hooked on. Yet, if you ask yourself- what do we really need?  You'll find that there's not really much that we need. We live in a culture of want. Our wants feel like our needs. Like, I need a trim. But, do I really need a trim?? Exactly. This topic is for another time and another post, but speaking of things that I don't need, but was so excited to come across today is a Top 10 Lists for blogs. Heaven knows the last think I need in my life is more blogs. Do I want to read more blogs? Yes! I feel I almost need to! Oh the vicious cycle!

How convenient that someone has more time to waste online than me and has compiled Top Ten Blog Lists for me to look at. Check it out here. 

They list: Top Ten Blogs to Learn Something New (i need to learn, right?!), Top Ten Blogs for Foodies (i need to eat? oh that really is a need!! boom!!), Top Ten Blogs for Pop Culture (i need to know how many carats Kim Kardashian's engagement right is! oh wait, no i don't, but yet i do? there might be a tough argument to need pop culture at any level. unless guilty pleasure is a need?? ppffffttttt)

All I really know is the top ten reasons that my afternoon has the possibility of flying by could very well have to do with these Top Ten Lists. We will see if they deliver. Happy reading if you choose to join me on this slippery slope of obsessive blog reading :)

Bachelorette Season Seven: Ashley H. in the house!

So, I don't know if you were around, but Robert and I tag-teamed blogging about the last season of the Bachelorette - Ali's season. Robert's posts were sort of legendary, intelligent and hilarious. Tragically, he made me delete them when I told my mom about my blog because they contained the "F" word? (Franni wouldn't have cared, but Robert has a rep to protect with his in-laws, so I reluctantly took down the priceless material. It still exists in my email archives...don't worry.) I wish he would come back and blog with me on this season because his posts and perspective really struck a chord and tickled the funny bones of some wives that have husbands that watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette with them. Alas, for now, you'll just have me. Maybe, I can have him hop on board for a guest post down the road?? I'll need your help on this so please comment if you want Robert to come back ;). It takes a village, people.

Alright, let's get down to business - Ashley H. is the chosen Bachelorette!! We know her from the last season of The Bachelor with Brad Womack (BW) - I'll drop the H just call her Ashley from now on.....Soooooooo, Ashely...here we goooooooo!

In BW's season, she looked like this:

After she found out she was going to become the next Bachelorette, ABC gave her a makeover and now she looks like this:

Extensions, change of color...it looks good. It scared me a little on "The Women Tell All" at the end of BW's season...

whoa there, not prepared for new Ashley....

But, now, I realize that her original look of the blond highlights and layers are very Friends circa1998, so I'm glad we've moved forward. Out with the old, onto finding love on reality TV!!!

What we know about Ashley from last season are mostly good things peppered with some red flags. 

Good things: 

-dental school

-cute

-smart

-comfortable posing with shells on her boobs for Sports Illustrated

-felt apprehensive about her feelings for BW

-claims she felt insecure (how could you NOT be..the guy you're trying to have feelings for is having romantic wine dates with Emily. duh.)

Red Flags:

-claimed her first date with BW was the best first date ever

-said she ultimately feel in love with BW after she went home

How, I repeat, HOW does anyone fall in love with BW...I mean, he's nice enough, but my gosh, the man is a simpleton. I don't think he said a sentence when more than 3 words the whole season. A couple times, I wished that I could knock on his head like a door and say...."hello, is anyone in there??" Anway, going into Ashley's season, I have respect for Ashley, but this pesky "falling for BW" factor has me worried. Does she really have any standards whatsoever?

As the episode begins, we see Ashley going about her life in Philadelphia. She goes back to dental school, we see her running. I think every single Bachelor and Bachelorette is a runner. I can't remember ONE that hasn't had the running scene. Then, I start having Tenley flashbacks!! OMG - who knew that Ashley was a DANCER??!!! Get it GURL!

Then we get serious and she rolls her suitcase into her bachelorette pad in L.A., she's wearing a midriff top. Ash, you're out of the dance studio now, time to put on a whole shirt!! She walks outside...voice over on how she is sure she is ready to find love this time. andddd SCENE

And here come the boyyyyzzzzz

Here we have Ames, but I'd like to nickname him "Painful". Painful has 2 degrees from Columbia and another from Harvard. Okay, yeah, he's smart. And yeah, I'd love to have more education under my belt. And yeah, I'd tell everyone if I had a Masters from UT Dallas, let alone a doctorate from Harvard, but let's be real here, Ames. No one wants to hear it. Save that for your Wedding Announcement in the Times. And I don't care how smart he is, he was wearing ill fitting pants and his blazer seemed a little off too?? The gay guy that helped you at Bergdorf's lead you astray my man. Still, Ashley, looks past this and boom, Painful Ames goes on to see another episode....He gave her a ticket to ballet...ppppfftttt. We get it Ames, your cultured and intellectual.

Next up, we've got Anthony from New Jersey aka token Italian guy. He's a fourth generation butcher. He seems like a pretty genuine guy. Robert and I kept calling him Silvio Jr. Any Sopranos fans out there??

Maybe Anthony would have got a rose if he wasn't giving Ashley the creepy sex eyes all night. Please, Anthony, please be more of a cliche Italian guy.

When I was in high school, I went to France with the French Club, four of my best friends were on the trip too. When were were at the Eiffel Tower we started talking to a group of Italian guys. One particular took a liking to my friend, Annie. He said, and I quote, "Your eyes....they are like two stars sparkling in the sky." Later, we all got a lecture from Mrs. LeClaire, the French teacher on the trip, about how Italian guys are "different" and have "expectations" from American women and that we needed to be careful who we talked to. 

These Eiffel Tower memories were surfacing when I saw the way Anthony was eyeing Ashely. I know that the "Your eyes...." line was about to come tumbling out of his mouth at any moment. He didn't get a rose and as he was leaving he confessed that he had been single for 7 years. Frowny face. Can some nice Italian girl from Jersey go take Anthony out on a date?? 

Here we have Ben C. Ben C. is romantic. Ben C. speaks French. Ben C. has declared that he is passionate. Robert said that he wishes he would have proclaimed to me that he is passionate when we meant at Ghostland. Ben C. gets a rose.

And onto Ben F. Ben F. is a winemaker. This series loveeeeesssss them some winemakers. (i.e. Andrew Firestore and Jesse from Jillian's season and The Bachelor Pad) Ben F. brought her some wine for his introduction. Smooth. Women love wine. Women love men who bring them wine. Ben F. gets a rose.

Here we have Bentley. Oh Bentley, Bentley, Bentley. How can he really be so horrid already? Did ABC hire him? I mean when they are showing previews he is stating that he doesn't care about Ashely, but he'd feel differently if it was Emily. No YOU DIIIN'T say that!!! Bentley's not even entertaining, he's just gross. Plus, he has a daughter named Cozy. Did he think he was getting a cat or hiring a stripper when his ex-wife was giving birth? The name Cozy is not okay, unless it's a family name of someone VERY beloved. He's already pulling out the "I'm a dad. My daughter is everything to me." card. PPPFFFFTTTT. I don't believe you, Bentley. Ashely has already heard that you aren't here for the right reasons. Whatever. He gets a rose, got to keep him around to keep the drama, baby!

Here's Blake. I remember nothing about Blake except he's a dentist too. A dentist ending up with a dentist....you know we all like that. He gets a rose. 

Next up, Chris D. Sports Marketing Coordinator from Illinois. Yeah, couldn't tell you one thing that happened with him last night, but the kid gets a rose (I think?). REAL memorable guy, obvi. ha. Sorry, Chris D. 

Chris M. here. Okay, Chris M. is from Canada. I have really high expectations of guys on this show from Canada. My favorite contestant of all time (Robert's too), Craig M. is from Canada. And the most d-baggiest guy, Justin "Rated R" is from Canada. All I got from Chris M. last night is a THICK Canadian accent. Was he doing that on purpose? I mean, my boss is from Canada. I know Canadians and this guy took the Canadian accent to a place that I've never heard. I think he gets a rose too...hope to hear more out of him soon. 

Meet Constantine. Yep, that's one you don't here every day. He's Greek - shocker! He's the one that tied the pink floss around her finger. Oh brother. He gets a rose. I remember her saying, "Constantine" and I was like, "There's a Constantine on this show?!"

This is Frank. My mind draws a complete blank, except that he did say something dumb and Robert and I judged him. I think he got a rose.

This is Jeff. And this is when shit starts to get weird. Jeff wore a mask all night. Claiming that our society merely focuses on the outside of a person and it's what is on the inside that counts. "Umm, excuse me Jeff, you're on The Bachelorette, Season 7. Maybe you should have chosen a different forum to share your dissertation on the problems of society." The masked man, Jeff, gets a rose. All the other guys are totally creeped out. 

Omg, this is Jon. The E-Commerce Executive. I asked Robert what that meant and he said he probably has a website. I have a website! (You're reading it) So, my new job title is E-Commerce Executive :). Back to Jon, Jon did NOT get a rose. I thought he had a killer tie and shirt on, but it was not enough to woo Ashley. Jon had a massive breakdown when he was cut. Tears involved. Poor, poor Jon. Apparently he and his family watched Ashley on BW's season and were already quite attached. Never mind the whole "never spending any real time with her" thing. Jon was heartbroken. Stay strong brother, you are only 26.

J.P. from New York! J.P. claimed that the New York dating scene was growing monotonous. What does that mean? You've slept with everyone there? J.P. seems charming and natural. He tells Ashley that his nickname at work is Cupcake, she admits to him that she wants her future husband to call her Cupcake. Does this mean they are destined? I like to eat cupcakes, do you think that I AM Ashley's soul mate??  J.P. gets a rose.

This is Lucas. Lucas spoke twice and both times he said the word Texas. We get it, man! You are from Texas! Lucas gets a rose. 

Here we have Matt. I was about to type that I remember absolutely nothing about you, but then it came to me.........you're the one that called your Mom with Ashley. Ballsy! Matt gets a rose. 

Michael from Rhode Island. He threw the guitar in the pool, I think??? I think he got a rose? Sorry for the doubts of accuracy. You're not reading the Wall Street Journal, bear with me. 

This is Mickey. He's a chef. He must be reallllll confident because upon arrival he went right in for a french kiss. He got denied there, but he gets a rose. 

Nick the personal trainer. Do you think he'll end up training all the guys in the house?? "5 more reps!! You can do it!! Push yourself!!!" Nick gets a rose, but won't last too long, I feel like he's 19?? He's really 26. Same thing. Okay, not really, but you get it.....

Here's Roobbbbbbbbb!!! Take a good look, because Rob doesn't get a rose. See ya, Rob.

Here we have Ryan. I don't remember Ryan at all. I think he got a rose??? I'M LYING!! Wait, Ryan is the guy that made her take pictures with him??? Then asks her if she'll take a picture of him with Chris Harrison inside. Clearly, 100% in this for love, not to meet Chris Harrison. 

Drumroll!!! Here's Ryan P. - FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE WINNER!!! He seems like the world's nicest guy. He runs a solar energy company. He's just looking for the right girl to bring some "sunshine" to his life. I kill myself!

Here's Stephen. I don't know if you can kind of tell, but he's a hairstylist. He commented on Ashley's new hair color when he met her. That really gets a girl in the mood for romance....let's talk hair color!!! Stephen gets a rose.

This would be Tim. I have two word for Tim - Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm hoping that he is a member now after watching himself last night. Tim, by trade is a liquor distributor and he likes to distribute liquor to himself in large quantities. When he met Ashley, I thought he had a speech impediment. I saw the King's Speech. and I thought "I know what's going on here, Tim has a stutter!" Looking back, I just think Tim was already drunk. He's too drunk to even speak to Ashley and eventually falls asleep at the party. Timmy, come on now! How much did you have?? Since Ashely didn't want to start out a relationship checking Tim into the Betty Ford, she passed on giving him a rose. It's a tough lesson. We've all drank too much and been there. Of course, most of us aren't 35. Step 1: Admitting you have a problem.....

Here, we've got West. No, I didn't misspell that like I normally do. It's West as in opposite of East. He gave Ashely a compass that was stuck on West. Well, wasn't that clever! West is the Emily Maynard of the season, meaning he has the past that makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry for hours. West lost his wife of 7 years because she had a seizure in the bath. Bless his heart. West gets a rose. 

Shoot! I almost forgot William. William the cell phone salesman! I wonder if he works for Sprint, AT&T or Verizon??? I wonder if he'll upgrade Ashely's long distance plan to get ahead of the game?? William gets a rose. Those cell phone salesmen know how to close a deal.

That's all for now folks....I know this is shaping up to be "the most dramatic season ever"!!!!

p.s. I heart Chris Harrison