Bachelor, Season: Ben Episodes 4 and 5

Park City and Episode 4 seem so far away right now and I am going to struggle to remember, but I'll try to hit some high points. 

Of all the seasons of this show that I've watched, Episode 4 was totally the Bachelor gone Western. They were really trying to push this whole outdoorsy, "Ben is a cowboy" theme. Why must Ben be a cowboy? The wine thing is working for him, we don't need to put him on a horse. But they do and it is painful. I had to close my eyes. Back to that later. 

Ben kicks off this episode with a one on one with Rachel. 

I call Rachel, "Heather Graham" or Rachel, but in my head it's always Heather Graham. Ben and Rachel's date proved that Ben's expectations in women are pretty low. Ben and Rachel have more silent pauses and uncomfortable conversations than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humpries on the season finale of "Kim and Kourtney Take New York". Yet, Ben insists that she really opened up and hit it off. Okay?? I think you just want to date a Heather Graham look-alike. Please. We've all seen Boogie Nights. Ben is most likely having fantasies of roller-girl when he asks Rachel to accept this rose. 

Now, onto the group date! Horseback riding and fly fishing...Ben is SO outdoorsy. Ben LOVES the outdoors, everyone. 

The internet is a wondrous thing.  Here he comes ladies!

Someone out there captured Ben's struggle with the horse in the picture above.#helphimsomeone Still the girls thought he looked "just like prince charming". They need some perspective, but it's not going to happen. And good for Ben for just being willing to look sort of clumsy on the horse. He doesn't take himself to seriously, I like that about him. 

After a beautiful horse back ride, it's time to fly fish! It actually does look kind of fun, I've always wanted to wear those overall things and see what this is all about. Well, not always, but since the last couple of years when I see the pics of couples on Facebook fly fishing. I think, "hmm, that's cute. Maybe I should do that someday. Just for the pictures alone."

Anyway, back to the girls. I think this is the episode where Kasi B. is crying every 2 minutes in the confessional. She is claiming this is so much harder than she thought. Again - perspective is needed. Someone needs to remind her that she wasn't just diagnosed with HPV, she is just on a reality TV show. This is not "hard". Ben does make a point to spend time with Kasi during the fishing. This is good because she really needs to be reminded of their "connection" to continue breathing.

Courtney is being weird. Surprise surprise. I think she keeps on saying like how catching a fish is like catching a man. And she KNOWS how to catch a man. Well, let's hope so, Courtney. I mean, for Petes sake, you're a model. I mean all you really have to do to get a man's attention is just stand there. She finds a way to get Ben to come fish with her away from the other girls. Lindzi (first impression rose winner and horse chick) is really demanding that this is HER date because she loves the outdoors and is trying to fish with Ben and Courtney. Uggg. Courtney is annoying, but Lindzi is managing to be more annoying. We get it, Lindz, you LOVE the outdoors. You LOVE horses. By some sheer miracle Courtney manages to catch a fish. She really feels validated by this and that this means she is WAY better than the other girls. I don't really think it means anything besides pure dumb luck, but that's just me. 

So, the group date moves forward to the evening for cocktails and hot tubbing/swimming/spa-ing. Nikki (divorced dental hygienist from Texas) and Ben have a conversation and Nikki expresses her deep gratitude that Ben has chosen her to go on group dates and how much fun she has had. They chat a little more..."blah blah blah". Then Samantha interrupts to talk to Ben and as if it was scripted she expresses her deep anger that Ben has only asked her on group dates and she is NOT happy about it. She couldn't have made herself look worse. What was she even saying? You can't force someone to want to get to know you. I think she's coming to terms with realizing that she is not that interesting and the producers don't care if she goes on a one on one with Ben. Ben is not feeling her and decides to send her home that moment. She is crying. He insists on walking her back to the hotel and out to the car. It's all horrific to watch. Samantha says that she "really liked him". No she didn't. She'll be fine after a couple appletinis. 

Good-byes are hard. 

The girls are all shocked at how REAL this is getting. Anyone could go home at any moment. Ahhhhh!! Oh yeah and Courtney gets the group date rose because she whines to Ben in her robe and Ben wants to make her feel better about how hard this all is on her. Brother. 

Now we go to Ben's one on one date with Jennifer, the accountant from Oklahoma. The date starts out with them tromping through the woods through all of these "No Trespassing" signs. ABC, you are so funny how you try to trick us!! Yeah, right like they'd just be parading on someone else's property with a camera crew. ppppfffffffttttttt. Anyway, they get to some sort of crater that they are going to repel down. If you can believe it, neither Ben nor Courtney have ever repelled down a crater. What?! You're kidding right? Repelling craters is like running a 5k, everyone has done it at least once. HA. Jennifer is nervous, but just does it. I think it's really more brave of her to wear a yellow bikini on national tv, than to repel down a crater. You never really know how yellow is going to look against certain skin tones. So they swim in the bottom of the crater which reminded me of the movie 127 hours. There is a similar swim scene. I blogged about 127 hours here. (Everyone be thankful for both of your arms.) 

I think after this they had some sort of drinks in a cabin or a picnic setting. This conversation between the two of them stuck out to me. Ben asks Jennifer if her days are really structured and if she'd be okay with not really having a schedule. Hmm. Jennifer is an accountant, so yeah, I'm guessing her days are pretty structured and why does that matter? So, if Jennifer ends up being "the one" does she have to forgo her life of accounting and commit to a bohemian existence in the vineyards, picking grapes and drinking wine all day? And who in their right mind, no matter their zeal for accounting, would not want sign up for that lifestyle?! Jennifer insists that she doesn't have to have a schedule and Ben seems happy about her answer. She gets the rose. And as if this night could get ANY better and more magical...how does it all end?? A Clay Walker performance!! Ben set this all up for Jennifer! ABC had nothing to do with setting that up. Wow, how thoughtful of Ben!! He must really have some connections to people in Nashville. 

just like a normal date

It's rose ceremony time. Emily is starting to really hate Courtney to the point where she wants to talk to Ben about how wicked she is. She thinks that Courtney is one person around Ben and another around the girls. I think Courtney is just awful around everyone, but Ben thinks she's hot, so feels okay about overlooking it. Emily talks to Ben about it and comes off looking like a catty, shallow girl and Ben totally takes up for Courtney. Emily comes back and is telling a couple of the girl's about this exchange and about how terrible Courtney is and how she blew it with Ben. Casey S. happens to be in the mix in this discussion and disagrees with Emily and says Courtney is her "best friend" in the house. Whaaaaa?? Poor Casey S. is friends with the evil one? And thinks she's nice? Really? And Hi, Casey S., didn't really notice you til now and you are very cute! I like your style! (really, great clothes and jewelry) Casey S.'s mother must not have told her "you are the company that you keep" since she is "best friends" with Voldemort. 

emily, ben and courtney. Emily vs. Courtney has begun

So, like any good "best friend" Casey S. goes and tells Courtney that Emily is talking bad about her to Ben. Courtney goes pretty psycho and notches up her bitchiness a couple levels. I didn't know that was possible. She even goes out of her way to tell Emily that she is "winning". Now, I used "#winning" in an earlier post to be funny/dumb. "Winning" is so 2011. I don't know if you follow Charlie Sheen on twitter, Courtney, but he is no longer on drugs. He's clean now.  No adult needs to use "winning"  in a serious context. Emily thinks she might have messed everything up with Ben. And Courtney's hazing isn't helping. She could be right. Will Emily get a rose???? Oh the suspense! And she does. Monica, the dental consultant, goes home. She cries. It's a cruel world.

After Monica departs, Ben announces to the remaining girls that they are "going to Puerto Rico!!" There's lots of screaming!! Woooooooohooooooo!! The Courtney says, "I was there two months ago." and Ben says, "well you're going back". Again screaming!!! Wooohooooooo!!!"

I'll just go ahead and post this riveting recap of Episode 4. Episode 5...coming soon. Stay tuned. Skinny dipping is involved. 

Reminiscing...

I was going to title this blog post, "Papaw", but Papaw didn't really draw much attention to himself and a blog post might be too much for him. :) Last week, my Papaw passed away. A blessing in many ways because his body was wearing out and the life he was living on this earth was not really living. He was in a nursing home and sick and it was time for him to pass. I feel joy knowing that right now he is whole and healed in heaven. But, upon his passing last week, my initial feeling wasn't joy. It was sadness. It was regret. Selfish regret because the last chance I had to go visit Papaw I didn't take. I was home for Thanksgiving last year and my mom and sister went to visit him and I didn't go. I was feeling a little off due to pregnancy and I didn't want to subject myself to the sights and sounds of the nursing home. I wish I would have visited one last time. I wish I could take that back, but I can't, and I didn't see him. Tears roll down my face as I type this.

My mom told me once that "would could and should" are bad words. And they are. I can't beat myself up about what I wish I would have done. I didn't do it. Life went on and now Papaw is gone. And it's okay that I didn't see him, even though it makes me sad.

His service was last Saturday at the church I grew up in. It's the church my parents got married in, the church where my other grandfather's (Papaw was technically a step-grandpa) funerals were, where my Granny's funeral was and where my best friend got married. So many pivotal moments within those walls. So many beautiful moments, so many sad moments, so many memories. I love being in that church, even though it hurts a little. It hurts to remember what it was like when Granny and Papaw were there with me, but I love being there and just remembering. Getting older is hard and losing people might be the hardest part about it.

Papaw's service was traditional. Methodist hymns were sung and we were reminded of God's promise of eternal life through believing in His Son, Christ. The gospel. And if you think about it, what it boils down to, sounds completely insane and ludicrous, until you feel it and you know it's true and real. And you do feel it and in your life you will have a chance to feel it especially if you're searching. Seek and you will find God. You will. God's word reaches everyone somehow.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. 


(also, mentioned at Bible study last week that a large number of people googled that verse thanks to Tim Tebow. pretty amazing.)

The pastor also asked us to take a moment of silent prayer and remember a way that Papaw showed you God and the goodness of life through who he was. It was easy to think of the way that Papaw did that for me. Papaw was constant and there like God is for us. Papaw was always there with Granny. I mentioned he was my step-grandfather, but, I was around him lots more than my real grandfathers. I guess Papaw did have a one-up on them since we lived in the same town, whereas my other grandfathers lived elsewhere. Still he was just there. And being there means a lot. Not leaving. Not bailing out, but being there with your family. It shows that you care. I want to be like Papaw in the lives of my family and friends. I want to be there. Also, Papaw, served the church and being a part of the church was important to him. He was active in his church for 50 years. It is important to be in a church and around believers. In a modern world where religion has become something negative, I was reminded how much good there is about being "religious".

Since Papaw was a member of the church, he always knew my Granny who was also an active member. Both of them went through divorces. Divorces reek of hurt and pain and brokenness and I don't know first hand, but I'm sure they went through that. That was just the beginning of their story because they found each other, and they made a new family and a beautiful marriage out of something that was broken. That's what God does, he can transform the broken into beautiful. I was so in awe of God's work after Papaw's funeral and so thankful that He brought Papaw in Granny's life so that I could know him.

We looked at lots of old pictures last weekend, which is one of my favorite things. Looking back through Granny and Papaw's travels and celebrations, all those little moments. Life is full of such goodness. Even in the hardest, longest days. Enjoy those little moments.

me and Papaw having a little moment :)

Forever Young

I don't know what it is, it could be being pregnant and it could be just being 28, but I'm experiencing a resurgence of fondness for memories of my youth. I've always have a fondness for these memories, but I as grow a little older, the fondness seems to deepen and though I don't want to go back, I do treasure every second of carefree stupidness I was lucky enough to experience. Even things as simple as listening to music with my friends on the drive home from cheerleading practice seems precious. It's those little things that I remember and smile about. There's just nothing like being young. At 28, yes, I'm still youngish, but young I am not and that's okay because once and a while some gem will come on the radio and I can turn it up and still feel like I'm cruising streets of Carlsbad with my best friends and that is a good feeling :)

Songs of my high school. 98-01 baby....



Shimmer. Classic.



The Freshmen. What does it mean? Who cares? It's awesome.



How's it Gonna Be? Deep



Adia. All Sarah McLachlan. YES. Me and my besties even went to Lilth Fair.

There's many more, but these always get me. Oh high school. Oh life. Oh time.

Bachelor: Season Ben.....Recap on Episodes 1-3

Same, Same but Diff, and just Diff

So far a lot of the same stuff that happens every season started right off the bat. Awkward painful introductions that made you want to poke yourself in the eye, bad dresses and unstable girls with the emotional issues were rampant on Episode 1. We had the token single mom, the law student, the personal trainer, the 34 year old cocktail waitress, the administrative assistant (my fave right now), the model and an odd British chick. The stage is getting set for all of these personalities to collide and everyone to get surprised at how "serious and real" this all is. 

By Episode 2, I really can't stop rolling my eyes at the SAME stuff that happens every season begins to unfold. Granted, I'm rolling my eyes, but they are still glued to the television as if my life depends on this show. 

For example...some of the same biz...the sweet girl gets the first date card. Here we have Kacie B. I like to think of her as "The Frontrunner". 

Sure, she's just an administrative assistant from Tennessee, but I'm telling you, the girls got game. She was already telling Ben that she wanted to show him the south. The first date and you're ready to bring him home? Subtle. Smooth. Cute. Getting under his skin, but not overkill. Plus, some genius at ABC put together a slideshow of childhood pictures of the two of them that they watched at a movie theater. Those slide shows are the kind of thing you play at your rehearsal dinner. I felt like I was at their rehearsal dinner. Kacie, will you accept this rose? Duh, she's moving on with her bataan in hand. And I checked her bio on abc.com. Chick has 3 tattoos. I think this admin has a wild side. 

More of the same happens once more, when the girls start proving to the world that a majority of we women are, in fact, evil....examples A. Blakely on the left from Cougar Town and B. Courtney on the right from Hades. I just like to call Blakely "Boobs Mcgee" and Courtney "The Black Widow Spider" 

They both scare me.

Blakely's boobs scare me. Blakely's profession scares me. Blakely's aggressive nature scares me. Something is not all there with Blakely. The light is on and no one is home. Ben is thinking with his penis and gives Blakely the rose on the group date in Episode 2. #goodcall The other girls do a great job at hiding their fury. pppppffffffftttt. #yeahright

So Courtney...it scares me that people that Courtney exist. Why so mean, Court? Yes, you are really pretty in this effortless 1970's way, but you are really ruining it with all of your evil comments and black heart. You will fool Ben for a while, but eventually your cover will be blown. By Episode 3 Court's personality really begins to shine. Please tell me that you guys caught when she said "See ya" to Shawntel after she didn't get the rose. I mean, the most crushing moment of Shawntel's life and Court throws salt in the wound. Brutal. She is also pretty blunt about how dumb she thinks the other girls are. But, Robert and I both laughed at the "See ya" to Shawntel. AHHH. hahaha. I mean, total mean girl move. Regina George would be proud. (This show really brings out the worst in me. Who am I pointing fingers at someone with a black heart where I'm clearly loving Court's evilness for my own entertainment value?) Anyway, Court is the mean one that all the girls hate and will tattle-tell to Ben about eventually as the previews portray for Episode 4. Blakely is a close second for the one that everyone else hates. It happens every season. Some girls just cannot play nicely together. 

More of the same....unnecessary crying. 

Everyone say hello to Jennifer from Oklahoma. Ben has dubbed her the best kisser in the house. Brown Chicken Brown Cow. I call her "Trying Too Hard". Her smile in that picture is even trying too hard. In Episode 2, Jennifer had a breakdown after she saw Ben kissing Blakely after he kissed her on the group date. This is when I get confused. You signed up for this. One guy...dating multiple women. This is the premise of the show. But apparently, no one is prepared for all of these "real" feelings and the flowing alcohol helps the tears come easily. She has a mini-breakdown, embarrassing, but run of the mill and almost expected. Jennifer has hung out with Ben once and maybe talked to him for 10 whole minutes, but that's all it took and the girl is attached. 

Onward to more of the same same same......we have the "bonding with heights" date

Ben goes on a one-on-one with Emily to kick off Episode 3. Emily is getting her PhD in something I can't remember. She rapped to Ben on the first episode. It made me cringe. Anyway, for the date's activity they have to climb the Bay Bridge. Big shocker...Emily is scared of heights. 

BUT, of course, she conquers her fear and goes into the relationship metaphor of how getting over your fear of heights is just like getting over your fear of commitment. "You just have to take the chance and you can experience something really beautiful" or something like that. She and Ben both express how since they accomplished this together they can now really get through anything. Robert pointed the contestants of Double Dare didn't think were ready for a lifetime commitment just because they got through the physical challenge together. Yes, Ben and Emily did an extreme activity and no one died, but in no way does this mean they are meant to be. Sigh. But they are all hyped up on adrenaline and talking about how honest and genuine the other one is, so it's just better to let them soak up their moment. A highlight for me is when Emily came clean with Ben about being on match.com and then how it matched her up with her brother. Hmmm. I might call that rock bottom. But, pretty funny. Their date ends in fireworks. Sparks flying. A rose is given. Same same same. Anyone remember the Jake and Vienna bungee jumping? And what heights related activity did Brad Womack's season do?? I think it was he and Michelle Money climbing a building? (WHY do I remember this stuff is the real question here.)

Also, in the same category, we have Lindzi's (spelling realllllllyyy bothers me) one-on-one in Episode 3. I can't put my finger on it, but something about every Lindzi says seems really forced. She declared a cheers to "laughing at ourselves and being stronger because of it". I appreciate that gusto, but it felt like she was a life coach not just a girl on a date. And then they did the thing where it's a big surprise and a singer no one has ever heard of performs for only the two of them. This years performer is Matt Nathanson. I'm sure millions of women ranging from 25-60 downloaded him today. I think that's what people in the music industry call selling out, but I say kudos to him. We're all just trying to make an honest dollar. Lindzi keeps saying how magical it all is. Oh magic. Who doesn't love magic? Lindzi gets a rose. She also got the first impression rose. #winning She rode in on a horse to meet Ben on Episode 1, it's too dumb to go into, but technically would be in the different section. You like horses, Lindzi, we get it. 

Okay, now it's time to get into the "same but diff" category. Pretty much the same, oh but wait, it's a little different.

First up in the "same but diff" category we have Jenna, the blogger from NYC. Really, is she a blogger? I read a lot of blogs, but I'm not sure anyone that writes them can be deemed as an official blogger, except The Pioneer Woman. Jenna do you have a book deal from your blog? No? Okay, then you're probably not a blogger. If I'm wrong, well good for her. I haven't heard of her famous blog, but who am I? Just a pregnant admin in Dallas. 

So, basically, Jenna is the same because like many before her she can't handle the emotions and nerves that come with reality TV dating and comes across super crazy, but different because she was so unstable that I was sincerely worried about her mental health. She was a total hot mess. I wanted to get this girl a therapist, a valium and xanax but the end of the first episode, maybe a couple shots of vodka would have helped too. I've seen some hot messes in real life and on this show, hell, I've been a hot mess myself, but she took it to another level and topped them all.

Seriously, I wish I could have been able to go into the bathroom and tell her to pull herself together. This is the BACHELOR this is not real life. Ben sent her home after Episode 2, thank the Lawd. One more episode and she would have been on suicide watch. I did read a little interview that people.com had with her and she said now, she is able to laugh about the whole thing and said she would have sent herself home too. Sounds like she's doing good, but I know there were some dark days when she arrived back in NYC to blog. Glad she pulled through. After the rain comes the rainbow is what I always say. 

Next in "same but diff" category we have a group date that involves bikinis in Episode 3. Same because they do this every season, but different because they are snow skiing? In the middle of San Fran? I don't get it. Did ABC just set this up? Has this happened before in San Francisco? How many times did they get to go down that hill? Did they have to climb back up in their bikinis? Why are they even wearing bikinis? So many questions. So little answers. I enjoyed the clips of the citizens reactions to how weird this is. What was the director saying? "Cut to the Asian man looking at the girls skiing!" 

It all felt like some sort of bewildering Roxy campaign....surfing and skiing combined? Bikinis and beanies? 

Now we can finish with the flat out different things that happened this season. Finally. Shouldn't this show be different every season? What am I talking about? I love the sameeeee drama.  

Let's talk Brittany. Brittany has been a real wild card since stepping on the scene. The girl brought her Grandmother to meet Ben. 

This caused everyone to question...is this really happening?? Yes. It was really happening. I love grandmas and I actually thought it was fun. I thought this would definitely get Ben's interest and it did. Plus, he tagged Brittany as "being into family"....bonus points. All was going well and fine until Episode 3, Brittany gets a one-on-one and isn't sure if she wants to go. Hmmm. Okay? 

As bewildering as the San Francisco skiing in bikinis was, even more bewildering was this. Brittany signed up for this show because it was Ben. She involved her grandma in this process. She had probably talked to Ben a total of two times and she was ready to throw in the towel and not even give it a chance? Did Ben repel her? Is she a lesbian? You can't even go on ONE date with him? She was crying and very upset about leaving, but I still didn't understand her reasons clearly. She didn't even bring up if she was worried about what her grandma would say? I would have been concerned about that. I think my grandma would have been like "WTF?".  I would definitely call this different. But, as one of the girls pointed out as she was leaving, "I really respect for for that." I guess I have to too. God's speed, Brittany. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. 

Oh oopps I almost forgot, I can't go into different and forget about the lesbian trist that happened during Episode 1. What on earth? Monica and Blakely were laying on that couch bed thing petting each other for what seemed like a long time. What if secret lesbians went on this show to meet other girls?? HA.

So odd. 

Lesbian antics were no where to be found in Episode 2 or 3...I guess the connection fizzled? I wonder if this will be covered in the "Women Tell All" episode. I need some closure. 

Last but not least for different, drumroll please.......Shawntel comes BACK!! What is going on here?? Whatisgoingon? We see this chick driving and talking on the phone to Chris Harrison. Pretty soon we realize it is Shawntel and she wants a rose. WHAT?! Apparently, she had met Ben and thought there was something between the two of them and she's wants a chance to be in this. She wants a rose. Whoa. Whoa. Never has a former contestant come back. You get one chance at this and then it's time to move on. During Brad's season, I thought Shawntel was normal. Sure she ran a morgue, but she seemed pretty cool. The Shawntel that I thought I knew would never make this desperate, last-ditch attempt to date Ben. I mean, let it go, sister. Granted, Brad is a like a manikin so maybe she felt jipped and wanted a real boy (Pinocchio reference). But she didn't let it go and here she comes and I don't say this lightly, it made the other girls LIVID and it made Ben so confused that he had to cancel the cocktail party and just go straight to the rose ceremony. This was definitely a different rose ceremony if I've ever seen one. 

The law student went out of her way to go into the confessional and say that Shawntel had bigger thighs than her. Ha. Girls are psycho. I guess Ben didn't care for either of their thighs because both the law student and Shawntel didn't get a rose. Actually Ben didn't give out the final rose. Ouch. The law student fainted...eat something! And the girl who I was calling "The Tranny" started crying during the handing out of the roses and didn't get one either. (Really..."The Tranny"??? I told you. This brings out the worst in me.) Courtney went into a speech about how she would accept the rose but she wasn't happy. Great idea. Guys love when you nag them about things they can't control. Shawntel cried and was pretty upset about how dumb she felt. Omg, Shawntel, just go to the Bachelor/Bachelorette Alumni reunion things...I'm sure you'll meet Mr. Right soon. 

Thus concludes my analysis. Can't wait for next week. Signing off....

soooo

remember how I said I was going to blog about the Bachelor, well, I haven't typed one word on the topic. I feel like blogging about this season is slipping further and further away, BUT, my boss is o.o.t. next week which means ample free time at work and this could lead to a massive post on this season so far. Somehow I think the creatures of earth will survive whatever I decide to do about this predicament. I don't even know what kind of "problems" this could be categorized under?? White people problems? First world problems? Blogging problems? Lame problems??

Ben is the Bachelor. Ben is a wine maker. Ben has a dog named Scotch. 

It's Friday the 13th, it's also my parents 33rd anniversary...what a day kids, what a day. 

That's all I've got....happy weekend!

rainbow sherbert

So i've been craving it. Last night I easily managed to eat almost a whole pint. Not like a tub, but a Ben and Jerry's sized pint. I still feel like a lard ass but I wanted to distinguish it for you to make myself feel a little better.

Anyway, Robert told me this joke

I mean, I laughed so hard. I think Robert was confused, I mean it is not that funny. 

Pregnancy has done this to me. Corny jokes really slay me. I think they are HILARIOUS. Probably even bad jokes. So any terrible, cheesey corny jokes you know, feel free to send them my way. Apparently, this is what my sense of humor is morphing into. 

New year, New you

ha. Not really. New year, same you. But, new year and we are supposed to be excited about that, sooooo yay! Hope a merry Christmas and happy new year was had by all. It's sad when the holidays are over. Sort of a relief in some ways to get "back to normal", but sort of like well what do I look forward to now?? I'll tell you what to look forward to........LIFE. Carpe Diem. Seize the day and grab this year by the horns. Live each day as if it was your last. You know all those motivational phrases that inspire you for 10 minutes and then you sink back into the daily trudge and your search for the meaning of life. Oh you don't? That's just me? :)

My new year began on the couch with Baby aka Robert. Baby and I made pasta and watched The Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. Great flick by the way. In the movie Emily Blunt is a professional dancer. Robert suggested maybe that's something I could be passionate about- a career in dance. Yes, I'm 28 and still searching for something to be passionate about. (You youngsters...clearing my throat...Gus...Ryan...do what you LOVE...please don't succumb to a life of administrative assisting as I have)

Emily Blunt dancing in the movie. Obvi, I could do that no prob. ppppppffffffffftttttt

I digress.

Anyway, there are many issues with Baby's suggestion. We won't even get into my body type or the fact that I wasn't that great of a dancer when I practiced for hours every day in high school. My leaps...below average. My double turns...eeekkkk. To prove this fact of my mediocrity, I didn't even make my sorority's U-Sing during my freshmen year of college. U-Sing is a thing where freshmen Greek people sing and dance in this performance for Parents weekend. I guess dancing since age 3 wasn't good enough for the sisters of Kappa Kappa Gamma or brothers of Lambda Chi Alpha. I'm over it I promise. Kind of. Jamie didn't make it either. So we both suck and I'm okay with that. hahaha. It really ended up working out fine because on Monday's when my roommate, Cox, would go to U-Sing practice and bond with all her new friends, I would hang out with Jill and Dewan and we would do weird things like walk around campus and go to Wal-Mart. I probably should have been studying business calc, that might have avoided my "D" in the subject. Yes, I had to re-take it. Die. Maybe that started the downward cycle to rock bottom with depression?

Whoa there. Again, I digress.

While I will not be pursuing a career in professional dance anytime soon, I do wonder what would it be like to know that you are in a profession that you love???

I found myself again approaching this subject while watching The Bachelor last night. (also, i will be doing recaps of each episode. coming later this week...stay tuned) Ben, The Bachelor, said to Kasi B. on their date that he has found what he wants to do in his life and where he wants to be. Wine making. In Sonoma. pppppffffffffffttttttttt. Sounds nice, doesn't it. I found myself saying, "Well, I want to be a wine maker!! I want to KNOW where I'm supposed to be and what I LOVE." I mean, I might as well stick with the professional dancer route. That's about as much reality as the wine maker statement has. Still, the knowing what you want to do part might be kind of nice.

But, I think of what I do know. I do know that I'm supposed to be here in this place and I LOVE Robert and the rest....well what really is the rest?? So, I don't get to live in wine country or prance around in a leotard. But, I can have full hope that to me life isn't necessarily about what you do per say, but rather, who you are. How deep. Ha. jk. What am I even talking about?

And then there is this other looming profession that coming up in my future. God willing...motherhood.

Have you ever seen this Bill Burr bit on motherhood?? It's funny. Kills me. "bending over at the waste putting dvds into dvd players" hehehehe. BUT, all you mothers please don't want to burn me at the stake because while I think it's funny, I do sort of want to punch him because I know that being a mother really is hard. I do. And I'd really like him to try being with a baby for 24 hours and see what he thinks about motherhood then. :)



Watch any of those other Bill Burr clips, really he is hilarious.

I'm not even sure what to feel about motherhood. I feel excited, scared, at peace and anxious. All sorts of feelings. I mostly know that I cannot do it and will have to completely rely on the love and power of Christ and God every single day. I'm also thankful I have my mom as a role model on this. She was so selfless. Always wanted my sister and I around her, wasn't afraid to be a mother and not a friend when she needed to be. I hope I can be 1/10 of a mother as she has been to me. Shout out, Mama Franni :)

And I have friends that are mommies now and are still normal people and not warped by "mommy land"...they will definitely be support and have already been support for me even if they don't know it. Watch me be the one that is warped by mommy land. I mean maybe I won't be able to be in social settings without talking about bottles and breast pumps. #help But who knows?? It is already consuming just with the baby in my tum. I mean the registering and never ending lists....the pregnancy books...the doctor's appointments. It does become your life. And while it's fun and exciting. It's a new life and your old life of just  looking out for #1 is o-v-e-r. Not that I used to just spend hours thinking about myself?? You know what I mean.....

But, I hope to not JUST think only on the baby and all things concerning it. It's a big world out there and there are lots of things to be aware of and know outside of yourself. That goes for anyone, not just a new mother.

Ummmm yeah....I'm pretty sure that I've swerved a little off topic, though I'm not even sure I had a topic to begin with? Soooooo, I'll just say that I wish everyone a year of renewal....a year of clarity....a year of new adventures and new obstacles and a year of GROWTH. We can only move forward...right?? Right.