I’m not sure if I have one? Figuratively speaking.
I found myself in two separate conversations last Saturday and Sunday that have left me wondering why I say things or rather, don’t say things. My problem seems to be the act of disagreeing. I don’t like to disagree with people to the point where I actually LIE.
Example One: I was talkingto a friend about a mutual real estate broker we both know. I happen to think this paticular real estate broker is one of the few, stand-up, ethical brokers out there. This isn’t the norm in the commercial real estate biz, it’s can be cut throat and mean – which is why I’m so good at it (not.). Anyway, this broker came up in the conversation and my friend was saying that the broker basically sucked and I found myself agreeing. Why did I just go along with that? I disagreed inside. I thought my friend was wrong, but instead of voicing this, I just agreed. It was easier, I guess? Easy way out instead of saying what you think. Am I still in middle school? I might as well be!
Example Two: We were at dinner at Pappasito’s last night with Robert’s grandma, aunt and uncle. The topic of flan came up. Robert’s uncle said, “I could eat 5 flans, I love flan.” Then, Robert’s aunt, point-blank asked me, “Do you like flan?” I reply, “Oh yeah, I love flan. I love all desserts.” I do NOT love flan. I hate flan. I HATE FLAN. Why couldn’t I have just said, “No flan just isn’t my thing.” I just agree/LIE.
(I'm just not a fan of you, flan, I'm sorry. Good grief, I'm apologizing to a picture of flan.)
I don’t think I always do this especially with my close friends, I’m not afraid to disagree, so therefore, don’t be afraid that I’m lying to you when you ask me if I like your new shirt/hair/boyfriend. It’s just in the heat of the moment when I want to just please someone instead of being myself that I find myself without a backbone. In retrospect; it kind of grosses me out. I wouldn’t want someone to agree with me, just to agree; therefore, I am going to be aware of my ailment and take steps to find my missing backbone.
pppffffffffttttttt. Wish me luck with this!