Friday, August 21, 2009

friday afternoon delirium

This is going to be a random post. I'm sort of tired, yet wired; therefore, delerious. The day started out being a low self esteem day, but now it's just one of those days where I can't stop laughing about the state of things. Mostly because Mary and I usually can't stop laughing about everything that happens at the office, thank God for her (and thank God for Sam....haha.)

Soooo..... I got my oil changed today and of course I got the call that I needed some sort of leak repaired or I would have major damage soon. The price for those repairs...$1200. I asked, can I still drive it for a while, the answer was yes and so that means the answer is no to the repairs. Why is it that it's impossible to just get an oil change? Something else is always wrong. I guess it probably is possible that your car is fine when it isn't 10 years old...whatever, I love my car and it's leaking parts.

Something else fun that's happened today is that Mary and I arrived at work at 7 a.m. so that we could leave at 3 p.m. YET, I'm still here and Mary didn't leave til 4:00. Why you may ask? Well, I'll tell you. While everyone else in corporate America gets up on Monday ready to hit it hard and gets to the office bright and early-- my boss, gets in Monday AND everyday between 10 and 11, eats lucnch, does whatever, usually leaves by 2 or 3...3 is pushing it. It's usually not 3. Yes, this makes my job easier being that I'm his assistant, but it's like I'm so used to this schedule that when it's altered, especially on a Friday when I've been counting his early departure, I am baffled by his sudden devotion to work at 3:30 on a Friday? I want to shout, "Leave! Please leave!!" Now, he's left and I'm sitting her blogging......4:37....ppppfffffttttttttt. Fridays....I'm burnt out this Friday and I can pinpoint what it is exactly that I'm burnt out of, but I just need some sort of rejuventation? A deep breath is all I'm going to get right now because I'm about to get on the road for the 5 hour joy ride to Lubbock, Texas. Little sister is moving into the dorms tomorrow! Oh to be young again.....

Small wedding update and vent. I can't seem to pick an invitation. Everything that I love is too expensive and everything that isn't too expensive I wrinkle my nose to. I love paper and stationary, but these are things that you can cut the price on. Why is cutting the price on things never fun? I sound spoiled. I am spoiled! I'm getting my dream wedding in Santa Fe to my dream lover (ha, painfully chesey), why do I insist on dream invitations too? Count your blessings, Alexis, count them...there are millions. I haven't picked out a cake yet either? Oh well, we'll get there, we'll get there.....I read on the Martha Stewart wedding blog today, that it's all about the details. Oh the details....if only I could figure out the big things first.

There are always decisions to make in everyone's life, whatever they are for you, small or big, may they enhance your life in some form or fashion. Okay, that's all the insight that I can muster in this state of mind.....

Time to hit the road, pray for my little sister as she approaches this fantastic time in live!!

Have a great weekend....xo

I just re-read this. How pointless...oh well....oh well. pppppfffffffttttt.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Mary's New Favorite Blog

How appropriate is it that I write a blog about nothing and nothing is what I post!!! ppppffffftttttt=nothing!!! It is but a pppffffttttt in the cyber community!! I've averaging one blog per month, that really shouldn't even be called a blog. Maybe a blo or even a bl. "Alexis writes a bl." (and yes, Friends fans, this was taken from when Phoebe says, I don't even have a pl...)

Anyway, Mary has already informed me that she has a "new favorite blog"...the writer of this blog is engaged and blogs about the cute ideas that she's doing for her wedding among other things. It's good, I've read it and I enjoyed it. http://spooniest.wordpress.com/ There it is...go ahead, make it your favorite blog too. I'll just be here writing my "bl". And you know, maybe one day I'll get there, get to the level of being like "the spooniest" and blogging about my wedding and the sweet little details of it. (I guess I better make it quick, I'm getting married in 115 days.) I really can't even process the little details because I feel like I'm making all of these decisions at lightning speed and as soon as I decide one another comes about and I have to focus on that. I barely remember what I'm deciding let alone have time to blog about it. (Probably the effect/beauty of a short engagement.) Plus, I don't want to broadcast everything because I want people to show up and not know what they're stepping into. So, while I love the "spooniest" type blogs by those fabulous creative people out there. I'll have to remind myself that the theme of my wedding is simple and the creative elements at my wedding will be the people....because that's what makes it special.

And like a wedding which is special and unique to the couple getting married, what makes a blog special is that it is unique to the person that writes it. Some one's passion, opinion or commentary is shared. So, while, it is true I am a changed, I'm an engaged girl, the blog will reflect that because it can't help that. I cannot solely blog about the wedding because I am not solely about a wedding. Though society really does breed you to be. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "This wedding is all about you. You're the bride." It's like a breeding farm for narcissism. What do I want? What do I need? I! I! Me! Me! There are even tv shows that document this, Bridezillas on WE (yikes). The reality is that society is partially right, a wedding has A LOT to do with the bride, but the thought of all this focus on yourself if enough to give anyone a heart attack. All that has happened to make this wedding possible is that that two people are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together and share this joy with people that they love. How does the simplicity of that turn into anxiety over bridesmaid dresses? I don't know, but it always does. I've really had to refocus several times in this process because I have literally forgotten that I get to marry the love of my life when I'm in tears about the guest list. Does the writer of the "spooniest" have this problem. I'm not sure...

In essence, I suppose what I'm saying is that I have a semi-urge to blog about wedding things and sometimes I might. I'm girly and I like this stuff when I'm not stressing out about it. Andddd this wedding business is a big part of my life right now, BUT it's not MY LIFE. Sooo, I will blog about whatever pops up in my mind, whether it be the center pieces at the reception, the financial crisis or who knows what else. But, I will keep trying to share my life with you, my thoughts...wedding or non-wedding related....

"All you need is love." - John Lennon and Paul McCartney (See you tonight at the Cowboys Stadium, Paul. I'M SEEING A BEATLE TONIGHT...that should take my mind off wedding stress!)



Monday, July 20, 2009

hi, everyone, hi!!!!

A whole lot has happened in the world in the past 31 days....the King of Pop has passed, John is minus Kate, Nick/Jessica both find themselves single AND dozens of moms have joined Facebook. These happenings will probably each get their own commentary and post if I can ever get back into the swing of this blogging business. When you begin to blog, even about nothing like myself, then suddenly turn off the blog switch, it's not easy to turn it back on. It's not like riding a bike or getting back on the horse; but more like jumping in a cold pool and swimming up to the top. It doesn't feel good a first, but by the time you come up to the top to take a breath, you're warm and you feel comfortable again. So here I am, treadding water in the pool, blogging, blogging because a whole lot has happened in my world in the past 31 days.....

On June 19, 2009, the man that I love and admire in a way I never thought possible asked me to marry him. In 146 days I'm going to have a new last name and a new husband. Never again will I be Alexis Neal. I will be "Robert and Alexis". I will be "Alexis Scarff". I will be "Mr. and Mrs. Robert Scarff". I couldn't be happier about this and I know this is going to sound a tad "Jerry Maguire" of me, but I couldn't feel more complete knowing that I'm going to be part of Robert, God-willing for the rest of my life. The more I learn about marriage are realize that it is the new creation of two people becoming one person, the more mystified and in awe I am of it. I'm really more in awe of my fiance. I. love. him. Thank you God, for Robert Scarff. and thank you God for Ghostland Observatory. and thank you God that we both liked Ghostland. and thank you God for Sarah who bought my ticket to Ghostland Observatory. I could go on, but just really thank you God....

I could also go on about the highs and lows of wedding planning, but now that I feel more in the flow of blogging you can hopefully ride those waves with me. The wedding waves......whew....they can be a wild ride. Good thing, I've got best person imaginable, (Robert, that's you!) riding them with me. See below for some wedding waves...


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

the table


How fascinating is it that each of us are made so completely different? I recognize this when I think about the spectrum of my friends. How they range from the most out going and boisterous to the very laid back and calm. When I think of all the intricate differences of people's personalities and spirits I can't help but think, how's there's no way there's not a God. How else could all of the amazing individuals I know exist and be who there are? This brings me back to my friends and how crazy I am about them. I could go on all day about each one, but I think their common thread is this-they all bring something to the table.

I've been hearing this phrase more and more lately. "They don't bring a lot to the table." or "He really brings a lot to the table." You know what it means, but I'll attempt to define: it's when you're out, you know...at a bar or at dinner with a group and everyone around you is in little conversations and somehow you get engaged in a conversation with someone that you haven't really talked to or gotten to know and all of the sudden you're nodding, your talking back at their comments, laughter might occur and a sense of satisfaction always follows. This person is interesting, sincere and educated on some topic that you're not and you walk away from that conversation thinking, "wow, he/she really brought a lot to the table".

I love when I'm surprised with someone bringing something on the table because the opposite of these "table" conversations is usually quite painful and causes me to use my fake laugh; which Mary says, distinctly sounds like this....huh huh huh--how ugly. I should take all steps to prevent my fake laugh ever being used outside the work place (where it is absolutely necessary to function)...

Of course, like every other thought I have, I come upon a moment of self-reflection and ask, "Do I bring something to the table?" I pray that I do and not the antithesis, but I can't really have a conversation with myself, so I guess I might truly never know. I know that with this thought in mind I will aim to bring something to conversations I'm involved in, whether with a stranger or my mom, I hope to "bring something to the table"- not by dazzling them with my interpersonal skills or with an witty joke or funny story, but just by listening, by being present and sincere- which I feel are the main factors when "bringing something to the table" and things that everyone is capable of attempting. You don't have to be the most interesting person in the world to "bring something to the table" all you have to be is yourself and just listen. Of course, I'm preaching to the choir here, because you, my friends all "bring something to the table"..... thank God or we wouldn't be friends because I'd have to use my unattractive fake laugh all the time.

"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." - Anne Morrow Lindberg


Monday, June 8, 2009

Daaa da da da daaaa da (graduation song)

About two weeks ago, Robert and I went home to see my little sister graduate high school. I had forgotten what a hopeful time of your life that is. Remember the stars in your eyes when you would think about college and the future?? I know I fantasized about my future friends, my new fun college life, my classes, the parties, the football games... I probably didn't get to much further beyond that, but, I think I assumed that college was the answer to life, all you had to do is have fun in college, figure out what you wanted to do with your life and everything else falls into place. pppppfffftttttt. Is that ever how it happens for anyone? Don't let me confuse you, I loved college and I wouldn't take a second of it back, but I think it was very romanticized in my eyes. I thought that I had already gone through the business of "finding myself" in high school, and now, I could be like, "Hello, world, here I am..." I didn't know that hard decisions and big mistakes would lie ahead, I know that sounds terribly naive, but let's face it, I WAS terribly naive. I shopped at Pac Sun for Pete's sake. I liked Roxy, I had like four Roxy dresses that I thought I would wear out in college. Why did I think the surfer girl thing was cool? I really couldn't tell you. And it's really neither here nor there, but I would say that my fashion choices were a reflection of my sheltered existence? There's me below. ha.



Anyway, during my sister's graduation ceremony, Robert and I literally laughed aloud several times during the speeches that were delivered, I think one of them referred to the class of 2009 as "adults". Okay, really, I'm 25 and I'm not sure if I'm an adult yet. Actually, I can confirm that I'm not. Sometimes I think I might be on the brink of adulthood, but then I realize how absolutely juvenile I am 80% of the time. Like the fact that the registration on my car has been expired since December and I can't make the 5 minute drive downtown to renew it or that I started a blog that has TEN followers (I love each of you!) and that I neglect it on a daily basis. I'm not a girl, not yet a woman, I don't know what I am, but presently, I don't feel too adultish.

I can't pinpoint exactly what else was particularly funny during the speeches, but it was just the whole theme of it all. How then students had accomplished SO much and how now they were ready for what life had to bring. Why can't someone be honest at times like this? I guess you just can't. You can't stand up there and say, "Guess what, it's only going to get harder and guess what you're not ready for any of it. Oh and also, you're going to mess up a lot and it's going to suck." No one ever says that, but it is the truth. Perhaps, at 18, the truth is a little too much and it's better to believe the fairy tale. Plus, there's no way that at that age, you could grasp the whole refining process of growing up. How relationships refine you, situations, good and bad and in the end you become who you're supposed to.

Since that weekend I've found myself wanting to overload my sister with information. I feel sort of like a parent because I want to protect her from all of my mistakes. I want to tell her what to do right and what to avoid that is wrong. Over and over in my head, I've written a letter to her even though I know it won't help, she'll have to go her own way and make her own mistakes and learn the hard way like everyone else, it doesn't stop me from wishing she could have a perfect, happy life in college and beyond. See below for the top ten points my letter would hit.....

10. HELP- Everyone needs it, never be afraid to ask for help.
9. DRUGS- Just please don't. Addiction runs rampant in our family.
8. FRIENDS- Surround yourself with people that bring you up, never down.
7. THINGS- There are nice to have, but don't bring fulfillment or happiness.
6. CLASS- Knowledge actually is power. Don't be afraid to be dorky.
5. ALCOHOL- Use moderation. Less is more. Trust me on this.
4. MOM- This is going to be annoying, but she's usually right.
3. MONEY- It really doesn't grow on trees. How miraculous???!!!
2. BOYS- Listen to your heart. Really listen, it won't steer you the wrong way.
1. DREAMS- Follow them, absolutely NOTHING is beyond your reach.

How chesey has this post been??? Pretty chesey!!!! GOOD LUCK CLASS OF 2009!!!!!!



"Education is a wonderful thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught." - Oscar Wilde

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Well, what a coincidence!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always thought my life mirrored Britney's....in high school she coming into her own...I was coming into my own. Then, she became really successful...I got into college. Then, she had a shot-gun wedding in Vegas...I asked a random to Kite and Key. Then, she dated Kevin Federline....I had a boyfriend that liked Linkin Park. Then, she had kids....I got Doug the Pug. Then, she had a mental breakdown...I began therapy. Then, she has a comeback...I start a blog. And now today on this very day, I was 30 minutes late to work, and check B. Spears last night, ya'll..........I'm telling you, the same wavelength, she and I, the same wavelength....




Spears' Vancouver concert halted for 30 minutes
2 hours ago

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (AP) — The new and improved Britney Spears apparently isn't a fan of cigarette smoke — or any other kind of smoke, for that matter — while she's performing.

The 27-year-old pop star left the stage for about 30 minutes during a concert in Vancouver on Wednesday night, apparently because of smoke in the audience.

According to The Vancouver Sun, Spears' concert was halted about 15 minutes into her performance, and an announcer told concertgoers to put out their cigarettes. Some audience members grew impatient while waiting for Spears and her troupe to return to the stage, the Sun reported.

After she returned and ended the show, Spears — who has been to rehab and is on the comeback trail after a long stretch of troubles — told the crowd, "Don't smoke weed."

Spears' publicist, Holly Shakoor, issued a statement apologizing to fans about the delay. The statement said "crew members above the stage became ill due to a ventilation issue."

Spears began her "Circus" tour of the United States, Canada and England on March 3 in New Orleans. Her father and attorneys are exploring the possibility of expanding the tour to include more shows in Europe and Australia.

"That's hot."

Yes, Paris Hilton, uttered these profound words and managed to make them popular, but I don't think she was talking about something that was literally hot, actually I'm quite sure of it. I, on the otherhand, am going to talk about something hot. Something really hot, something that some would put in the category of a type of torture, something called Bikram Yoga. It's a 90 minute yoga class that consists of 26 postures in a heated room of 105 degrees. How does that sound? Detoxifying and unbearable at the same time? That's what I assumed. I thought that it sounded like a challenge and a cool thing to try, but something that would never be "me" and something for only the really hardcore people out there. (see below for hardcore people, they're the husband and wife that own the Bikram Yoga Studio in Dallas.)



I heard of "hot yoga" when I moved to Dallas, Sarah was doing it and so I gave it a shot. One of her friends had lost 10 pounds by sticking to this activity three times a week. Loosing 10 pounds? Sounds good to me. It wasn't Bikram Yoga, it was at a studio called Sunstone. I went once and didn't really take to it and decided I was more of a run/lift weights kind of girl when it came to working out. Last summer, my wonderful friend, Annie, was into Bikram yoga and told me how much she was loving it; this motivated me to try this hot yoga again. When someone so passionately testifies about these positive changes in their life, it makes you take notice, you know?

My mother was in town on Labor Day and the Bikram studio was offering a free day of yoga, so my mom and I trotted on up to the yoga studio. I wore shorts and a t-shirt, my mom who refuses to wear shorts or t-shirts wore work-out capris and a long sleeved shirt. We walked into the smoldering yoga room and everyone else is practically in bathing suits. Then our instructor walked in and I began to get really scared. He is wearing a speedo and maybe weighs 90 pounds. I immeadiately knew that we were in trouble. The class started up and I am trying to relax and enjoy it, but it is hard. It's hard to adjust to the heat, it's hard to focus on what you're doing because you're so distracted by the heat, it's just hard.

And then there's my mom, she's in fairly good shape, but I think it was a tad more than just hard for her. By the end of the class my mom is not following instructions and doing her own thing and the instructor had to ask her to "stay with the class". Of course, my mom, took this personally and begins calling the instructor Mango. You know, the Chris Kattan character in the Saturday Night Live skit? (if not, see below) Anyway, my mom keeps whispering to me, "Manogo, needs to let us out of here." This is followed by Mango asking my mom not to talk. Mango and my mom are not getting along. I feel sorry for my mom, who is attempting yoga in what feels like the center of a volcano in her winter outfit, but I equally feel sorry for Mango who is just trying to help my mom get the most out of this 90 minute hell she is going through.



The class ended and my mom and I are just laying there, starfished on the floor unable to move. (When the class ends everyone is laying, we weren't the weird people laying down.) My eyes were closed and I turned my head to peek over at my mom, she looked dead. She slowly turned her head and looked at me and we died laughing. It was definitely out of delirium, but there are just no words to describe how you feel after that first class. Surprisingly, it's spectacular! I realize that sounds insane, but I felt physically and mentally better than I had felt in months. I had just worked my entire body. Inside and out, every muscle. It felt amazing. Yes, it was the hardest thing I had done since my high school track days, but I now saw why people loved this practice and PAID to do it everyday. Even with my mom's conflict with Mango, she felt the same way. She bought me a month of unlimited Bikram yoga, so that I could keep it up for a while and we leave the studio. We both felt so invigorated for the rest of the day, I was even a little sore. I love being sore, I know, it's weird, but I love it. I guess, maybe because you can tell something is actually working and your body is changing. Soreness makes me happy.

So, since this time, depending on my finances for the month, I have been doing Bikram yoga. I just finished a month of it and I won't be able to do it for while so I just wanted to soak in and also share what I learned during a class a couple weeks ago...

It was about half way through what is called the "standing series" and I was slowly making my way through the class. Sherry was teaching this paticular class. Sherri is probably in her 50's. She a very petite little yogi and I like her classes because you can tell she loves teaching them. She said something that I hopefully won't ever forget. She said, "You must remember the most important thing in yoga is to listen." I must have been feeling really cocky that day because I thought I knew what she was going to say. I thought she would say that the most important thing was a certain posture or drinking water or another multitude of things. I was so wrong, the most important thing is just to listen. Later on in the class, she repeated herself, "Remember the most important thing in this class is to listen and the second most important thing is to breathe." I've heard this since my first Bikram class, all the teachers say it, "find your breath", "remember to breathe"...so this wasn't too unexpected. But, I reflected on it throughout the rest of the class and it really helped me.

Just listen and breathe. The simplicity of that is almost way too much for me. I feel like those two things could make so many other things easier besides yoga. Worry, stress...it tends to sneak up one way or the other. Don't let it. Listen to others, listen to yourself, I think the wisdom that comes from that will quickly overcome our fears and anxieties. And breathing...such a small concept. How often, really though, do you just breathe? It's almost hard to do JUST breathe, but how necessary is it? Breathing is everything. Let yourself breathe, relax in the moment and just let whatever is going to happen, happen.

LISTEN AND BREATHE........LISTEN AND BREATHE........it feels nice, doesn't it?