the end is near

Pregnancy is winding down. It's 40 weeks long and I'm at week 37. eeekkkk. Weeks 34-37 have been eventful. I guess? Regardless, I will recap....

Week 34 begins...Roberto goes to Seattle for business.

As you may be aware Seattle to Dallas is far. You also may be aware it's not exactly suggested to leave your 8 month old pregnant wife home alone in this "delicate state". There just wasn't a choice in the matter, he had to go and I had to stay. He made plans to come home Easter weekend and the two week stretch of praying I didn't go into labor while he was gone began. Honestly, God was so good to me during this time. I never ever felt alone or lonely or worried or scared. This is all 100% due to good, good friends. They were always checking in, always making me know I could call them at any time, always asking me to do things, always THERE. I'm too hormonal and it makes me want to cry. Instead of being a wreck during these 2 weeks, I actually found myself having fun? ha. I missed Robert a lot, but I enjoyed the surplus time with the girls. Let's be real, I'm going to have no life for a while after the baby comes...got to get in some "normal" things in with the girls while I can. Manicures, walks, movies, dinners...it's the little things that really made a huge difference those 2 weeks.  

The weekend of week 35 brought an extra special treat. Sarah, Jenny and Lindsey planned a staycation at the Omni downtown together. They didn't let me help pay and I'm still upset about it. ha.  Have you ever staycationed? I highly recommend it. I felt out of town and far away and it was needed and so so wonderful. Why is sitting by the pool with the girls the best thing ever? The Omni and the Omni pool definitely delivered. The views were great, the people watching was great. It was a perfect 24 hours. On top of that, Sarah gifted me a massage at the Omni spa. Incredible. Spa time/relaxation time...nothing better for a pregnant gal.

no big deal. just in the spa.

oh hey Dallas. view from our room.

the screen says "Sarah Smith" #fancy

vacay feet pic

beached whale sunning

a book for baby boy signed by the girls. love it so much. and cups from Swoozies purchased by Debbie, oh i mean Jenny. ;)

How did I not get a group pic of us? Jenny and Linds, you're not being featured on the today's blog. I know you're upset.

So, week 36 obviously started out with a refreshing state of mind due to the staycation. Then, surprise, Robert came home a couple days early! Yay! Daddy's home!! haha. That's weird to say, but kind of fun. Also, week 36 began my weekly doctor's appointments. I came in this week a little worried because my feet looked like this.

*for mature audiences only.

why am i sharing this? the girls really got a kick out of the extreme swollen state of my feet. glad to provide chuckles when i can.

Robert told me my feet looked like his grandmothers. NOT a compliment.

The swollen feet thing is common in the last month of pregnancy and I knew that I had been on my feet a lot more than usual the past 3 or 4 days and that was likely the cause. I wasn't too worried about the doctor's prognosis, I thought she might not think it was a big deal at all. But, I guess it was something to address because she (my doctor) advised me to go buy medical compression socks.

trust me, you don't know how it is to feel unattractive until you wear compression knee highs.

They're like super tight spanx for your feet. They are really depressing, but they work great and keep the swelling at bay. I'm currently on day 5 of compression sock wearing. I'm sure I have fully disgusted all of you with these. Happy Friday! Compression socks!

I can't believe this adventure called pregnancy will be coming to an end so soon. Still, I feel so far away from having an actual baby. Yet, I'm not? Maybe it'll hit me in the delivery room.

Oh and I can't mention weeks 34-37 without bringing up the nursery progress. Thanks to Jenny, Lindsey and Ana, I have somewhat of a nursery put together!! Robert has helped too. I really couldn't have done it without them. Too. Overwhelmed.

The untrained eye can't see how much they did. Linds got the slipcover on that chair. I had tried 3 times and lost the battle. It was like some sort of mathmatical puzzel I couldn't solve. She also put the bedding on the crib. Jenny organized the drawers and got our changing table looking like a changing table. Ana has provided intensive interior design guidance and continues to, plus she gifted us with the longhorn. Nursery Mondays with Ana is a good time, we should have a show! Robert has had to hang all this stuff up...longhorn, curtains. It sounds like I've done nothing. ha. I think I have helped in some capacity, I don't know what right now? ha. It's still not done, but we are getting there. One step at a time.   

That about wraps it up for now...I'm going to act like a baby and head out.  #birthjoke #ha ppppfffffffftttttttt (sadly, one of the guys at work really told that joke this week...ugggg, okay a little funny...but uggg)

too much

There has been just too much on my heart and mind to get out a post lately. But, my husband has inspired me this morning to crank some posts out, so I'm going to try to keep ppppffffftttttt alive.

You know what else is too much- my little sister is 21 today!! The big 2-1. I just can't believe it. I feel a little like a parent since I have seen much of her growing up. I was 7 and 1/2 when she was born. I remember all her phases in life. I remember her learning words. She called an ice cream sandwich - comish mockish. She loved those comish mockishes. She called me - geckees. Alexis is a little tough, so Geckees it was. I watched Barney with her. I babysat her. I missed her so much when I went to college. I was so proud of her throughout her middle school and high school years. She made better grades then me, was a better dancer, had a much better head on her shoulders and a much better fashion sense early on and was and still is an all around badass person. In college she became a Kappa and I've loved sharing that "bond". I'll never forget when she went through rush and she was so shocked how great and cool the Kappa girls were. (ummm, obvi she thought i was HUGE nerd, but shockingly I was on point when it came to getting her to try the sorority thing. ha) I could go on and on...I beam with pride on the daily due to her. No one can make me laugh like her and she's the only person I can truly boss around without feeling bad and that's fun sometimes. ;)

I love having a little sister so much. I am so glad God blessed our family with Augusta 21 years ago at 8:45 a.m. :)

her current fb prof pic. watch out world here she comes. well, watch out bars, here she comes. she's already told the world what's up. ;)

showered

Being on the receiving end of a shower is a surreal experience for me. People you love bringing you gifts, celebrating something about your life and spending time together in one place is like this huge bubble of joy. Change (even good change) is sometimes hard and showers seem to be this way of bringing happiness and reassurance that everything will be okay and remind you that LOTS of people have walked this road before and that you are supported. Is that corny?? Is it just me that feels that way? I felt so renewed and replenished and supported after these baby showers were over. My cup was runnething right over.

My friends threw Robert, the baby and me a couples shower in Dallas and Robert's mom's friends threw us a ladies brunch shower in Houston. This summer, if all goes as planned, we will have a Sip and See in Carlsbad. (I know you were all DYING to know my baby shower schedule? ha)

I can't rave enough about what a great job the hostesses did for the Dallas shower. It was the perfect party, the decorations, the set-up...everything was awesome and most importantly lots of fun. Also, my parents and Robert's parents came in for the shower in Dallas from New Mexico and Houston making it an extra special time.

My mom took over 100 pics on her iphone at Dallas shower. Yes, one hundred. The best part about this is,  she was making people get together in pictures that didn't know each other. She would be great a fraternity mixer Party Pics person..."get in there, everyone!!" (Party Pics. Sigh. The painful online photos of yourself at social events before Facebook.)  I still haven't seen the pics on her phone and I really can't wait. Jamie took some great pics too and I'm so thankful. I actually went old school and ordered prints of those that I'm going to send them to my parents, Robert's parents and make an album for the baby's room. #memories

I thought I'd share some mobile uploads that my sister and mi amigos took at our shower in Dallas. I forgot my phone in the car during my Houston shower and only took like 2 pics at the end. Boo. Thankfully Robert's mom's friends got some real pics, so I will have some eventually.

Anyway, I'll share a little Dallas shower recap...not full recap in the least because there are a lot of pics that aren't included and a lot people not represented...but here we go....

Here's the invite for the Dallas shower. I loved it. Loved the Spanglish. Loved the bright blue and green. Loved the pinata. Loved that it said "Senorita Norton". If you know Senorita Norton, you know how funny this is. Most of all I love every hostess name on it because I love each of those girls so dearly. One of my favorite bloggers designed it. Click here to check out her blog and creations. 

Now onto shower pics....

Mom and sister. How gorg are they?

Oh this is pre-shower!! Lindsay Hartley, me and sister. 

Soooo, let me just share with you what one of my best friends, Adrienne Leigh Jones Kleckner did.... This might blow your mind. It blew mine :). She insisted on paying for me to get my hair and make-up done on the day of the baby shower. This is just so I would look and feel great at my baby shower. I fought her on this, but she really wanted to do this for me and insisted. I finally gave in and accepted her gracious gift. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to not have to "get ready" the day of my shower and actually feel pretty. I don't think I've really "felt pretty" in a looooooongggggg time. This was an amazing gift she gave me. I'm not crazy about being the center of attention, which you are at your own shower, so at least I got to feel good and confident after getting pampered by others. It was like therapy. This is what Adrienne set up for me - I got my hair "blown out" and "did" at Lure Salon, which was fantastic and then Lindsay Hartley did my make up at L. Bartlett in the West Village. If you ever need your make up done for ANYTHING, please call Lindsay Hartley. She was the sweetest and she was SO GOOD. (and she went to OU...Boomer!) I kid you not I loved my make-up and hair more for my baby shower than I did for my wedding?? haha. That sounds crazy, but I did! I dragged my mom and sister to watch me get all done up. I mean - full out diva...who am I? I told Adrienne, I really did feel like Beyonce. I mean, who gets their hair and make-up done for a baby shower??? haha. Luckily, my sister got to squeeze in some shopping in the West Village, so she didn't have to sit there and stare at me the whole time. ;)

sis and me. kind of sporting coordinating colors. such a good aunt already. giving up a precious college weekend to shower her nephew

sister and Sarah. Sarah might as well be a sister though :) (note me chugging Coca-Cola in the back ground #attractive) 

Lauren's little bro, Drew, surrogate little bro to me, I've known him my whole life, and sis hanging on the patio. Drew just got into UNM med school by the way. SO SO proud of him!!!! (and how handsome is he?? hehe)

Bob, me and Bella the pug

OMG - BELLA. I must share what my hostesses pulled off. I still cannot believe this.

So, remember when I posted about the Valentines pug gram? Well, Robert tried to get me one for Valentines, but the reservations were already full and it didn't happen. I totally understood, but I was sad, I just wanted to support the pugs! And I wanted to see a pug and hold a pug :), I love pugs. haha. My friends knew this desire and secretly contacted the DFW Pug Rescue to bring a PUG GRAM TO THE BABY SHOWER!!!! They also made a donation to the pug rescue on our behalf. Best gift ever. Two very gracious ladies from the DFW Pug Rescue came with the rescue pug, Bella. I will never forget this. I thought I saw a little dog in the front area of the house and said, "is there a pug in this house?" and there was. There was a PUG in the HOUSE at my baby shower.....omg...I will never recover from that surprise :) My gosh, I want a pug so bad. But first comes baby and then comes pug...someday...someday.... I would love for my pug son Doug, who lives with his grandparents to come live with us, but as I've mentioned, he has a bit of a bladder control issue anddddddd Robert says he can't come live with us at this time. Boo. 

Seeing Bella definitely fulfilled my pug void for the time being. What a sweet little girl she is! p.s. My mom offered to adopt her and she had already been adopted. Yay rescue pugs finding homes, makes me so happy :)

Daddy, Mom and sister. Obsessed with them. 

I know there were a couple girls at the shower that didn't make this pic :(! But, this was most of them. I love them so much. Thank you so much for coming!!! 

A gift from one of Robert's good friends. I'm sure a lot of you have seen this forward. It's been made into a book (obvi). It's hilarious. My mom was reading it at breakfast on Sunday and was laughing so hard.

sister, Mary, me and Jamie. Mary came in from OKC and Jamie from Tulsa. #bffs

this was post-shower at Swig/The Gin Mill. yes, I kind of "went out"...I mean I probably won't see the inside of a bar or club for years after el bebe arrives, so might as well get it in, right?  JZ makes this pic. He wasn't exactly supposed to be in it, but really captures the "we are best friends taking a girl picture!!!" face and it's one of my fave pics of the night for sure. 

Also taken post-shower. This might be the closest I show of a belly pic/maternity pic...enjoy! haha. The baby has a sombrero on and I'm massive! Hi, cute husband Robert in the background! 

Bella and me. She's not freaked out at all here. 

Tiny sombrero makes an appearance again. This is David Lackey aka Dallas's Renaissance man. If you don't know him and Nick Robertson, you're not really living.  They purchased Baby Scarff a sleep sack from Party Barn Kids, the card said "sleep well young Scarff" ahhhahahha. 

Post-shower once more. This ended up on FB and I commented that Sarah and Cox's faces both accurately describes how I felt about having a baby. Sarah is channeling confused/scared/wtf is going on...while Cox is channeling joy/excitement/happiness. 

The End. If I could re-live this night again, I would. Who knew pregnant girls could have so much fun? ;)

hello there

Blogging has been on pause for over a week. No blogging was done about The Bachelor Final Rose ceremony OR After the Final Rose. ppppppffffffffttttttttt. Sorry, if any of you out there care. Neil, I know you are especially upset about the lack of Bachelor posting :).  I have no excuses expect I've been tired and moody. Doesn't being pregnant sound FUN? ha. I've also been cleaning and organizing my boss's desk, he has documents from 2009 on it, so that's been super fun too andddd I've been writing lots of thank you notes for baby showers. So, I guess I do have some excuses. Not very good ones mind you, but there they are.

Hopefully, I can get back into the swing of blogging a bit before I have a baby. #duedateApril29. ahhhh. Mostly I hope to blog for therapeutic reasons. Hop on board and read along if you dare or if you are extremely bored.

I hope everyone had a good St. Paddy's. Roberto and I spent St. Paddy's at Baylor Medical Center attending a "Prepared Child Birth" Class. I was apprehensive about going, but my doctor kept strongly suggesting it and I want her to like me, so I signed us up. I'm really glad we did it. I've read and I am reading books about pregnancy/birth/babies, but something about actually being in a class setting and hearing confirmation from someone with years and years of experience in this stuff about what REALLY happens, helped to give Robert and I a little peace of mind.

Our instructor was great. She is a doula. You can click the link to see what that is. (I didn't know until I saw a Rachel Zoe Project episode and they go to a doula. See- you can learn things from Bravo.) Anyway, she is a doula and has been a nurse at Baylor since '97. Also, she has FIVE kids. Meaning she's done this whole childbirth thing 5 times. Wow. She said there is always a curve ball concerning someone's birth story, just something you completely do not expect- it could be a big or small thing. She thought for her 5th birth, she had it down, but there was a curve ball. Omg. Curve ball with Baby #5?? Good grief. Give me morphine.

Speaking of, she did give me a little perspective on the whole "drugs during labor" bit. I have always been very PRO drugs. I know myself and have assumed that I will need them to cope, but, she gave the analogy that "you wouldn't take an advil BEFORE you had a headache" Meaning you don't need to walk into the hospital and hook up to the epidural before you really know you're going to need it. You could be through the worst part and it's possible you won't even want the drugs??  So, I guess I'm just going to be open to seeing what my body does and how I feel. I don't think I'm going to have a natural birth by any means, but I'm a little less scared of experiencing pain. Plus, one of my besties had a baby boy 2 weeks ago and almost went all the way with out drugs. She didn't mean to at all, but it just happened. She's amazing :). So that and this class has reminded me that our bodies where made to do this. Saying that, I have fainted when I have had to give blood and I shake and my teeth chatter when I have to have a dental procedure. (yes, it's weird. they bring in blankets and crank up the laughing gas to calm me down.) So, no matter how much I psych myself up, I know when it comes down to it,  my track record has shown that I tend to physically shut down in some way, so I will be happy to take these drugs to get through this in a healthy manner. The drugs exist for a reason. Plus, I might as well continue to support the pharmaceutical companies that have gotten me through the last years, right? ;)

I also liked that our "prepared child birth" instructor mentioned she had an English bulldog AND a chihuahua. Yay dogs.

We took a tour of the labor and delivery unit, the labor room and the post partum room (where we will be right after).We found out we will have an iPod dock in our labor room. After class, Robert  made me a chill/low tempo playlist and a pumping-up/high tempo playlist. I might have to share these - they are great mixes. The high tempo play list is 3 hours long. Let's hope I don't need "pumping up" for that long.

At the end of the class, the birth videos were played. I swore that I would never watch these videos. I had been instructed by several who have seen them to NOT to watch them. But, by the end of the class Robert and I oddly found that we wanted to watch the birth videos? When in Rome? They were short and probably filmed in the late 80's or early 90's, so definitely dated and cheesy. There was a c-section one and a normal birth one. The c-section one was...hmmm..maybe graphic is the right word? I don't know, it was not pretty. I think I imagined c-sections to be like "oh there's a little incision and here's the baby!" It was a little more "discovery channel health show" than that. But, obviously, I'm not someone that deals with medical things well, so any surgery is not going to be fun for me to watch. And in the end, the baby and mama were fine and that is really all that matters.

The normal/vaginal birth video came next. I had a couple ups and downs with watching this one. The poor girl in the video was a teen mom. It made me so sad that she was this young and going through this. But, you know sometimes when something makes you sad, it makes you want to laugh?? Well, I was that person LAUGHING during this poor teenager's labor. (Lauren, just go back to middle school youth group and us laughing during the prayer circle and not being able to stop. It was like that:.) I'm sure the other couple's were thinking...who is that immature girl LAUGHING? I don't know what was funny. She had this odd entourage of people with her, Robert leaned over and whispered, "the neighborhood gang?"  The neighborhood gang was with her at the hospital when she was walking through the halls trying to get her labor progressing. I couldn't look at the video and I couldn't look at Robert.....I could not. stop. laughing. It was painful. I somehow pulled it together enough to watch the rest of the video like an adult. The teen girl's mom gets to the hospital to help her and be her coach. That was good, but, uggg, it was harder and harder to watch as it went on. She was just in such pain! I definitely was not laughing anymore at this point. Then, right before she has the baby, the dad (obviously a teen too) comes and holds her hand and that was kind of funny because it was like "well, oh there's the dad?" but I didn't laugh. Thank you God. The baby comes and everyone is so happy and I found myself crying. I was so relieved for this teenager that is was over and of course, it was just so neat to see this little baby...you could feel the joy. Several other girls were crying too, so that made me feel better/less dumb. Anyway, that video was a real emotional roller coaster for me. Whew. I blame hormones for everything lately...so I'll just blame them for that  too.

Okay, afternoon tiredness is setting in......I better go and work on holding my eyes open....

the picture

I found this via Pinterest a couple weeks ago and people are repinning it like crazy. I think it strikes a cord and I thought I'd share.

(I also need to write about something other than The Bachelor. Shout out to Neal Ferrari, who I didn't even know read my blog  :) )

This does screw us up for so long. This picture in our heads of how life is supposed to be.

In high school we are "supposed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other". Or at least I thought I was. My parents were high school sweethearts. In movies everyone has a boyfriend. Where was my boyfriend? I enjoyed and loved high school, but I remember wondering why I didn't have this boyfriend that fit in the "picture of how my life was supposed to be" and I let it make me insecure. Lame, I know. ( and, yes, I did date a little. but, i didn't have that major high school boyfriend.)

In college we are "supposed to be having the time of our lives". If we fall on hard times we feel cheated. Some of my darkest days were in college and it didn't seem right because that was NOT how life was "supposed to be" at any time, but especially this time. What was wrong with me? (a lot, but there's not a post long enough for that. ha.)

As we get older, the stakes seem higher. We are supposed to have a great job and be on our feet financially. We are supposed to be married. This is the picture we had of our lives, right? Hello, we are almost 30 here? When things aren't happening the way we picture, we spend time and energy wondering why. Time and energy that is taken away from enjoying all that we have, but longing for the "picture". Stressing about the "picture". Trying to figure out how to get this "picture". But you know what happens...when we get that job or we find that special someone and get married, "the picture of how it's supposed to be" doesn't stop haunting us. We have a picture of how the great job should be, pay, look like. We have a picture in our head of the way a married couple is supposed to be and how a married life should look like and we feel jaded when it's not what we thought.

And you know what doesn't help....Facebook. You know what I mean. Look who is engaged, traveling, has a new house, baby...the list goes on. When you are in a bad place, it can take you to an even worse place really quickly.

I don't think Facebook is the problem though. The problem is that damn picture in our minds. We feel entitled to have this fake life we've made up?  

But, you know what I've realized. That our real lives, how things actually are right now, will always be so much better then this picture we have.

For me, I've looked back and you realized how God works and how our lives unfold the way they are meant to. So, I didn't have a boyfriend in high school because my heart wasn't ready for that. and I went through that hard time in college because God was shaping me and teaching me to need him. That nothing else could satisfy what He could fill in me. 

When I look back, I'm not sad that I didn't have the picture perfect past. I am thankful.

So, I encourage you, if you're like me and still somehow struggle with this picture of how life is supposed to be, LET IT GO. Just let it go.

Chances are the picture we have of what we think our lives should be is a tiny smidgen of the joy God actually wants for you. And this, friends, is exciting.

1 Corinthians 2:9

But, as it is written, "What no eye seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him" -

Bachelor Ben - Episode 9 - Fantasy Suite time in Switzerland!!

ABC played Ben's voice-over twice of him saying how "majestic and magical" Switzerland is. I'd like to fault him for repeating, but I know he wasn't in charge of that. And he's got a point, Switzerland is super gorgeous. I loved seeing all the scenery. It made all 3 dates a little more bearable for me.

First up, here's comes Nikki. And they put them in a helicopter AGAIN. Nikki has now been in a helicopter with Ben twice. Yawn. Holding hands and looking about the window talking about how great this is ensues. Granted the views were pretty wow. They land on a mountain top to picnic. Nikki chats a lot and Ben just squints and nods. One of my friends tweeted, "Ben you are so boring." Seriously, say something. Bring anything to the table, Ben. Hell, talk about wine? Whatever you've got! Finally there's some talk about how similar Ben and Nikki's dad's are. I find this hard to believe, but I don't "know" either of their dad's so I'm trying hard not to judge. pppppfffffftttttt. That's funny, all I'm doing in judging. I'll be honest- the whole dad comparison is some sad effort to make them feel some deep bond. It's not working for me. I don't think it's working for them. But Nikki is so freaking sweet, I would like this to work out for her. Go ahead and push the Dad thing, Nikki.

I hope the helicopter pilot packed a sack lunch because he had to sit there and wait for Ben and Nikki while they picnic and then he takes them to yet another mountain top. Was one really not enough?? This one is pretty small and is making me sort of nervous. No one better take a step backward. How long did they stay on that thing. Nikki goes into the whole analogy about how being in a relationship is just like standing atop of this tiny mountain. Sigh. Rolling my eyes.

Ben keeps saying how he can't stop smiling and this is one of the best days he's ever had and tries to say this is because of Nikki. PLEASE. Ben is on a fully paid for vacation in one of the world's most beautiful destinations. He is riding helicopters and day drinking. This day would be fun and smiley with Condoleezza Rice and definitely way more intellectually stimulating.

It's night time!!! Romantic dinner time!! They are in some sort of cabin. They talk about the dad thing again. Nikki tells him to tell her if she's being "too much". He says she's already "dropped the l-bomb, so she is fine". Nervous laughter. And then it hits me. They don't even know each other and she has told him she loves him and is asking him how many kids he wants. Are they even comfortable around each other? Uggg. This is weird and they are about to spend the night with each other. And duh, Nikki is not a virgin, (#divorced) sooooooo yeah. Of course, she chose to forego her individual room. She chose to forego all sanity. Hopefully they managed to have a real conversation somewhere in there. Oh and there's a tub in the fantasy suite. This is like a honeymoon. I'm uncomfortable. Cut to commercial...hurry.

Next, it's Lindzi's turn!!

sidenote: her name is Lindzi Cox. which is so weird because my best friends name is Lindsey Cox. How many are there?

Okay, so, I was tweeting during The Bachelor (yes, I am that person) and I couldn't even comment on this stupid rappelling activity they were doing. Remember what happened in Belieze when they had to jump out of the helicopter into the barrier reef?? Yes, yes, me too. Lindzi doesn't like heights. This is not even going to be climatic to see her "push through her fears", she's already done that. And then they kissed...blah blah. It's all happening again. Once more...yawn.

Ben comments how Lindzi is such a good sport, oh right, like she has a choice.

It really didn't look that scary once they were in those harness things and just had to let themselves down. But they really allow themselves a big pat on the back for getting through this. You adrenaline junkies, you! 

Ben keeps on throwing out that "he loves Lindzi!" Ummm, okay? Like "love as a friend" or "love love"?? He is just spitting it out like no big deal. He was definitely not saying that on Nikki's date/the best day of his life.

Dinner time, followed by hot tub time. Lindzi is really opening up. It's hard for her. She's said that on every single one on one. We completely get it. But, is she really opening up? How is she being open? By making out in the hot tub...I guess that proves it! The fantasy suite card is handed over and she is sure to state that "she wouldn't usually do this sort of thing"....

That's what all girls say before they agree to go home with a guy. It just is. Nice girls say that, slutty girls say that. That is what you say. So, Lindzi tried to look sweet and innocent, but she failed. We women see right through her!

Then she's wearing no pants...for "never doing this" the girl sure does have some MOVEZZZ in the bedroom.

"she's got legs, she knows how to use them!!"-zz top

Brace yourself, it's time for Courtney's date. 

They greet each other. Courtney's jacket is kind of cute, but I refuse to admit it. They get on a train. Why are trains supposed to be romantic. THEY'RE NOT. They are sterile and depressing and you get robbed on them. Yes, this has happened to me. Sorry for that trip down memory lane.

So, they are just being "normal" and getting stuff for a picnic. This is so normal! Robert and I do this every weekend. We actually drive thru Taco Cabana and eat it in front of the TV, but whatever.  Ben tells Courtney of the fun game he and his sister made up when they were little, "Hey, Cow!" Well, I want to play!! Did Ben grow up on a farm??! Courtney loses "Hey Cow". Another reason she sucks. Ben and her start to have a "come to Jesus" talk about how Courtney didn't get along with the other girls. Ben says he noticed times where she would "twist the knife" with the other girls and it would make it harder on him. So, he noticed that she is an evil witch, but he is just NOW bringing it up. I don't understand this at all. They don't want to ruin the moment on the countryside, so Ben says they can talk about it later. Later? Umm, when?! Talk about it now! 

you are still mean. even in the Alps. 

Courtney is bothering me that she is trying to be nice and remorseful. She is taking some blame for not getting along with the girls and saying she could have tried harder. Well, that might be the understatement of the century. I think she is getting nervy because she is realizing that this was filmed. And probably even more nervy because of karma. You reap what you sew, sister, and ye did not sew seeds of love. Her crying doesn't even make me feel for her. She's crying because she is afraid that she's been busted, not because she feels bad. It would NOT be fair if she actually found love, but the world is NOT a fair place, so this has a huge possibility of happening. ppppfffffffttttttttttt. 

It's dinnertime. And they dine and it's time to talk about "Courtney's issues with the women". Ben says he needs someone who will support him. Wait, what's the correlation there? They fumble through working it out. Ben just accepts the terrible BS Courtney gives him. Well, shoot, of course, he does, they need to dissolve this conflict before fantasy suite time! Court is all about it. They've already been naked together, this fantasy suite is like baby games! 

*I can't not mention the sneak peak of Emily Maynard as the next Bachelorette.* 

After she broke up with Brad, it was hard for her, but her life got back to normal. I guess, now she is ready to eff it all back up again and put herself through this. She is a cute, sweet gal. I would think that she would not have a tough time entering the dating world. Plus, she's only 25. I mean, just go sit at your local Starbucks and see what happens before you agree to do this TV dating/proposal thing. Maybe she just wants to go on lots of helicopter rides? Her daughter is super cute. I wonder if her daughter is thinking, "seriously, Mom?...again? I pretended I liked flying a kite with Brad, but how much more can I take?"

Emily flies to L.A. to shop and get some advice from Ali and Ashley, the two previous Bachelorettes. (Ali and Roberto broke up! Get her out of here!) Ali tells Emily to just be herself and "she is the Bachelorette for a reason". Yes, there is a divine reason that the universe has placed her as being the next Bachelorette. I wish Terrence Malick would have touched on that in "Tree of Life". 

They all put on the shortest tightest dresses possible and go to see Titanic in 3-D. (Well, Ali's isn't that tight, I suppose.) 

So, yes, Titanic it's a love story, but geeezzz, hasn't Emily been in enough tragedy in her life, don't make her sit through Jack drowning. 

And scene. p.s. Sadly, yes I want to watch her season. 

Back to Ben....and looks who came to Switzerland.......Kacie B.!!!!

(it showed it was her on the Jimmy Kimmel commercial. Robert and i caught that. no surprise for us. we were fully prepared. Ben was not and had to clutch his heart.)

Kacie B.'s hair seriously looked the best it did all season. Maybe she just wanted everyone to see how cute her hair can be, maybe she doesn't even care about closure from Ben? Nope, nope. She's shaking, she can't even form words to say to Ben. She's nervous, all those feelings swirling around. She should have just CALLED. No need to cross the Atlantic for this. She doesn't understand why Ben let her go. Hmm, has she blocked out the memory of your hometown date??!! Ben wants NO part in that scene going down in Tennessee. 

I know deep down she is wishing, hoping and praying he will tell her to come back. Poor little lamb. It's not going to happen. It's OVER, Kacie B. Frowny face.

This is hard for her to hear Ben's words of rejection. Again. But while she's here she might as well just be honest. Yes, you might as well. You didn't squeeze into those size 24 jeans for nothing. Kacie says that, Courtney is in this to win it...and Courtney actually said (GASP) "there are other fish in the sea".

That might have been the only smart and sane thing Courtney has said all season. There ARE other fish in the sea, Kacie B. repeat this to yourself over and over. 

Ben is totally thrown into a tailspin at this Courtney news. Just when they got things resolved. Now this?!? He needs time to gather himself, Kacie B. needs to go. She collapses in the hotel hallway after leaving that emotional confrontation. Does she not have a room she can lay down in? I guess not because she seems to be leaving the premises. Can she not be on the hotel grounds anymore?  See you at the Women Tell All Kacie B.!! 

Ben is still totally distraught. But, never fear, because Chris Harrison is here! Chris can tell Ben looks conflicted. I wonder how? His hair, which is getting worse by the episode? Ben needs some calming balm or maybe a HAIR CUT would be awesome. Frizzy hair=upset Ben. 

Ben tells Chris, Kacie B. came back. Something tells me Chris already knows that. Call me crazy. Ben put all his doubts about Courtney to rest and slept with her, then here comes Kacie B. with all these true statements to eff everything up. Now, Ben doesn't know what to do!! Ben finally declares that he's just going to go for what he feels in the moment. GREAT idea! Don't give this any REAL thought! Chris is supportive and is probably reminding himself he gets paid for this. He leaves Ben alone to stare at the pictures of the 3 remaining ladies. 

Rose ceremony time....Lindzi gets a rose. Three cheers for horses!! Nay!!  

It seemed like 3 hours passed by before Ben handed out the final rose. and Courtney gets it!!! Yep, Courtney...this is happening everyone!! Courtney is still #winning. Barf.

I tweeted that Nikki's hair was too curly and she was wearing a toga. I stick to that, but then I felt bad when she was sent home. No need to kick a girl when she's down. Nikki tells Ben she just wants him to be happy through her tears. In the limo she says she feels foolish, "I feel in love with him!" Yes, yes you did. But, look on the bright side, you got a free trip to Switzerland???

Next week...The Women Tell All......YES!!! I'm guessing it's going to be a big "I hate Courtney session" but, we'll see....

once more...continued...still meeting the parents

Hometown Numero Tres: Nikki in Texas

I love how they filmed this at the Stockyards in Fort Worth. It looks like Lonesome Dove. People love to think that this is what Texas really looks like. When I interned in New York and people found out that I lived in Texas they would ask me if people rode horses to work. They were kind of joking, but kind of for real. I broke it to them gently that there are cars, running water and civilization in Texas AND New Mexico. It was especially hard for them to swallow the New Mexico bit, but I assured them it was true. Anyway, prime time national broadcasts of Nikki and Ben in Texas in what looks like an old western town are not helping this stereotype. Nikki and Ben buying cowboy boots and cowboy hats does not help this stereotype either. People in Texas do not walk about pretending to be cowboys and cowgirls. I sort of wish we did sometimes, but unless you're trying to look cute for the rodeo, it's considered kind of weird.

So like I said they buy boots and hats. Now, we Texans (and New Mexicans) know that the good boots and hats are expensive. This is not a normal thing to do on a date, unless you are on a date with a real sugar daddy or sugar mama. I was wondering if these boots and hats were on loan or if ABC paid for them? Or if Ben really wanted them for himself and paid for them? It really doesn't matter and I don't know why I care or even allow myself to wonder this. They tromp around town in the hats and boots. They go to a bar. Nikki changes into a all sequin NYE top. What was wrong with the normal top she had on earlier? I guess it didn't fit this rhinestone cowboy theme they were going for?

Yee-haw!! This is fun!! Finally Nikki and Ben sit down in a scenic area to talk about her divorce for the 50th time and how weird it's going to be going to meet a girl's parents that have been divorced. Luckily, Ben is fresh of Kacie B.'s parents. Nikki doesn't even know how lucky she is! I mean her dad could be Tony Soprano and Ben would be relieved after the beating he got in Tennessee. Still, it's the unknown. Are Nikki's parents going to be super protective? How does this whole drill go when the girl has already been married?

They arrive at the house and Nikki's parents are divorced. I immediately feel like this is going to be FINE!! They are going to think potential hubby #2 is no big deal! Welcome to the family, Ben! I've never been relieved that anyone's parents are divorced before, but since Nikki's are, I think they will be more accepting of this whole thing.

Ben keeps saying how much he loves Texas. Which is great, but it's almost like when someone keeps saying something so much and with such gusto, you stop believing them or stop caring? One of the two.

Nikki and her mom head upstairs for a girl chat sesh. Nikki is like "Mom, I am falling in love with him." and Nikki's mom approves! She already likes him! That was quick! I wonder if she watched him on the show during Ashley's season or if she just needed that 5 minutes with him to totally approve of her daughter falling in love with this guy that's dating 3 other chicks. Nikki and her dad talk.  Nikki is a daddy's girl. Nikki's dad feels like he gave her hand away in marriage too quickly last time and that he's not going to do that this time. He should have questioned and "known" about her ex-husband and that it wouldn't have worked out. No one can see into the future, Nikki's dad, it's okay! The man is tearing up! Why are they just talking about this now is my question?? This man needs to talk! Oh well, better late than never.

So, after that, I think maybe Nikki's dad is going to sit down with Ben and ask him some scathing questions, but before I know it he's giving a toast basically welcoming him into the family. Even Nikki's little bro likes him! My gosh, this went so much better than Kacie B.'s hometown, you would have thought Kacie was fresh off a divorce? Nikki's family totally approves. They are about to box up her things and ship them to Sonoma!

Omg, I almost forgot, before Ben leaves, Nikki pulls Ben into that room upstairs where she and her mom got down to business and she just flat out tells Ben, "I'm in love with you." Ballsy! Someone had a lot of wine?! But, I think she was really feeling it and had to get it out there. Hey, you've got to live everyday like it's your last, right? Way to LIVE, Nikki! See you at the rose ceremony!

Nothing and I mean nothing could have prepared me for...

Hometown Date Numero Cuatro: Courtney in Arizona

cacti make me feel at home too

I've read that Ben went to ASU and I bet he felt very comfortable in this dessert like setting. The way Courtney acts you'd think she grew up in an orphanage or some really abusive home, but I'm seeing no signs of this so far. Courtney's parents kind of remind me of Elle Wood's parents in Legally Blonde. You remember Elle's dad..."Oh sweetheart, you don't need to go to law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things." Love that movie. Anyway, something about Courtney's dad's argyle sweater vest and Courtney's mom super face lifted face took me back to Elle's parents. (Elle. Like we are friends?) (Like she is a real person?)

They sit down to a meal. Everyone's enjoying their white wine. Courtney's sister asks something like if she's falling in love or if she's fallen??  Let's not get too technical here. Courtney's sister and Courtney sneak away in the pueblo to talk. Courtney says her sister knows her better than anyone. I just feel sorry for her sister. She is obligated to love her despite her being a black widow spider. It's a sister code thing. Courtney's dad tells Ben that "marriage is the biggest gamble of your life. and asks if he's ready to take that gamble??"

Robert and I agreed that marriage shouldn't feel like a gamble, but should feel more like a "sure thing". I guess Courtney's dad made a good gamble. He and the Mrs. are still together. Beginners luck?

Courtney and her mom talk. Courtney tells her mom that she looks pretty. Well, did you think your mom was just going to throw on sweats? It's pretty clear to me that Court's mom could be fresh off her third face lift. She's definitely a regular at the local Scottsdale plastic surgery clinic. My Granny (my hero) got a face lift and a tummy tuck. I'm not judging Court's mom. But, I think she could be a little young to go under the knife. My Granny was like 70 when she did it. *sidenote: for future reference...she said she would get five face lifts again before she got a tummy tuck. tummy tucks hurt.* Courtney's mom tells Courtney that she looks happy. Courtney says she is happy. That's weird because she cried and bitched during the entire last episode. Oh and she also treats everyone like ass. If this how Courtney is "happy", then I'm really scared for what "mad, sad or scared." would look like.

They leave her house and now they are going on their date that Courtney planned. This is crazy...they usually do the date thing pre-parents house, not post. Court is a smooth operator. She is going leave a lasting impression.

Little did I know how lasting it would be.

So they are eating again. Having a picnic. Are they even hungry? didn't they just eat? Court tells Ben this is where she did her first photo shoot. How nostalgic. She also says there are weddings here and that she has always seen herself getting married her. She also keeps using the word RUSTIC. If she said it one more time I was going to freak out. Does she even know what that means? Just because something is outdoors does not make it "rustic".

And look over there...there just happens to be a wedding set up! I think I know where this is heading, but I'm thinking...no no, it surely can't be this is planned.... This is just a coincidence and Courtney didn't set this all up. They head on over there. My worst fear is realized. Courtney planned this thing. #dread #shock She pulls out a bow tie for Ben to wear. She pulls out journals for them to write vows. THIS IS SO WEIRD. Why is this happening??!! AHHHH THERE'S A "PREACHER"!! They read each other their vows!! Courtney says she is love. I was also informed later that some of Courtney's vows were taken from the Sex and the City movie. Of course they were. She loves cliches and generic phrases. It's all she speaks it. I can't believe how uncomfortable this is all getting. Yet, all the while, Ben thinks it's great! He loves it!

You know I thought Court's dress looked sort of bridal. All part of her MASTER plan.

After this whole faux wedding thing, she is definitely getting a rose.

almost married. no you are actually not. 

Rose ceremony time!!! This is not going to be fun.

I really didn't have a feel for who would be going home. I was thinking probably Nikki or Kacie B. Andddd it's Kacie B.!! I was still surprised even though I was pretty sure that there was no recovering from that hometown. Kacie and Ben sit down and talk on a bench. She is crying. :(

She gets in the limo and the crying begins to become hysteria  "What the ____ happened??! What the ______ happened??", Kacie B. bawls. Her conservative non-drinking parents will LOVE that. F%$# coming out of their little daughter's mouth.

I'll tell you what the eff happened Kacie B., your mom and dad freaked out Ben and the rest of America.

Really though, I think she's better off. The way Ben and Cout are together are really starting to make me nervy and Kacie does not want to loose to Courtney. Evil should not triumph over good as it is during this season of The Bachelor.

Next week.........they're going to SWITZERLAND!!! I was waiting for Courtney to exclaim that she'd been there in the last 6 months, but she didn't say a peep! Shocking, she loves to be a buzzkill!

Until then....

.....continued...let's meet the parents

Hometown Numero Uno: Lindzi in Florida

Is anyone surprised what there are LOTS of in this hometown date? No. Me either, not surprised at all. Of course a hometown date with Lindzi=Horses. So many horses. Lindzi rides up on a horse. They ride a horse carriage thing to her house. They have a horse carriage race with her parents. HORSES!! #horseseverywhere Lindzi says horses have been a part of her life before she was born. What does that even mean? I suppose my unborn child will be able to say that "easy mac was a part of his life before he was born". pppfffftttt. Ben admits he's not too familiar with horses. (Yes, Ben, we remember your riding skills in Park City.) So after they fiddle with the horse, they sit down to have a picnic and to talk.

Lindzi tells Ben about her last serious relationship and...drummmmmrolllll.... they lived together. Well, Ben had no idea! Maybe he was like me and hoping and praying this isn't the guy who broke up with her via text message. She never clarified that, but that's the only other relationship she's talked about? She tells him how heartbroken it left her. Breaking up is hard to do. :( Ben is so glad she's letting her walls down and now understands why she has walls up. Is this is remodeling show? All this talk of walls! Ha. That was not funny. Lindzi says "vulnerable" is a BIG word for her. It is for anyone really. It can be 3 or 4 syllables depending on how you say it. Ha. And again, not funny.

They ride on to meet the parents. These parents are genius. They don't have the cameras come inside their house, they just chill outside the whole time. I mean, Lindzi's mom didn't even have to vacuum! Everything is going swell with them. They tell them about all the places they've been. Ben and Lindzi tell her parents that they went on their first date in San Francisco. Well, isn't that a coincidence, Lindzi's parents got married in San Francisco! Ben and Lindzi tell them they had a private concert in the city hall there. Well, that's were Lindzi's parents got married...at the city hall! Lindzi acts like this is completely NEW news to her. I'm so bewildered. Did she not know where her parents got married? I mean, that's just one of those things you know about your parents, right? Call me old fashioned....

Ben talks with Lindzi's mom asks her if she thinks Lindz is ready for a serious relationship after the dramatic heartbreak of the last one.She thinks she is. Great news! Ben talks with Lindzi's dad, Harry, (I like Harry), he asks Harry if he were to propose what he would say. Harry is all about it! Lindzi is their only daughter and whole family. #awwww. I mean, besides the horses, that is.

Things go great at Lindzi's. Success for Hometown #1. Lindzi is definitely still in this to win it.

Hometown Date Numero Dos: Kacie B. in Tennessee

Ben shows up at a high school football stadium. (Stratford High Schoool Home of the Spartans...I have to mention that because that was Robert's high school's name and mascot...shout out!) And what is going on here?? There's a marching band!! And is that Kacie B. twirling her baton in the middle of it?? To my horror, it was. What on earth is she doing??

oh dear. Michelle Obama needs to take her weight loss program to Clarksville, Tennessee. Bless the white flag girls heart. 

That was just painful and weird. I mean, okay, okay it was sort of cute. But mostly, I just wanted to say, "let it go, Kacie B. the twirling days are over." The activity we did in high school does not say that much about us now and it's time to move on. And really is there nothing cooler to do in your hometown? 

Ben and Kacie pow-wow in the stands at the football stadium. Kacie tells Ben this stadium was named after her granddad and about the strong love her grandma and granddad shared. She uses this as evidence that she has had great examples of strong love in her life and that's what she wants. Ben has to cork a bottle of wine at this point. I wonder how many bottles of wine have been drunk on this season so far? I wonder if they are using only wines from Ben's winery?? Hmm. Kacie B. starts talking about her family. Ben starts to squirm uncomfortably. Kacie B.'s dad doesn't drink. This concept is pretty foreign to ol' Ben. He says "his business is booze", he is not sure how this is going to go. Yeah, forecast does not look so sunny, I'd say.

They arrive at casa de Kacie B. Did Ben seriously bring them a bottle of wine??? I mean, these people don't drink. Ben must have heard this, but not really "heard" it. 

Sort of like me telling my dad that I'm a vegetarian. He just doesn't hear it.

my sister: Dad, Alexis doesn't eat meat.

my dad: Okay. Does she want a t-bone or a rib-eye? 

Everyone sits down to dinner. Kacie B.'s mom said they have REALLY missed Kacie. They are a close family. Read between the lines Ben, you are effing up this tight knit family. Kacie and her sis talk. How cute is her sis! They discuss how her dad doesn't take risks. Well, he's a dad, Kacie B., he can't really run off and join the circus. 

Ben and Kacie's dad talk. It could have gone worse, but I'm not sure how. It's so serious. Kacie B.'s dad tells Ben how serious marriage is. I just frown looking at Kacie B.'s dad, I'm not sure if this man has any joy in his heart :(. Then Ben talks to Kacie B.'s mom. It's equally terrible. She lets Ben know that she does not approve of this whole "living together thing" that other couples that have been on the Bachelor do. She's watched the show and she knows how this drill goes. Well, okay, then! Nice to meet you too! That was fun! 

I think this whole meeting might have been the dealbreaker for Kacie B. and it's really a shame because I felt like they had the most chemistry from the start. But, it's safe to say no one wants to join this family after last night's episode. 

while taking a sigh of relief that this was over, I wonder what Ben thought of the all green canvas they had displayed? Modern art at casa de Kacie B.

Will post the rest of the recap asap... sorry for the inconsistent posting schedule. There are no rules on ppppffffftttttt. 

Episodes 7&8 or more commonly referred to as Belize and Hometowns

Journey, if you will, back to a simpler time....before the families were involved....before Emily and Rachel went home...before life became complicated....journey back to the third world country of.....Belize

If I recall correctly, Ben really likes designer wife beaters in this episode. It's not okay. A wife beater alone is pretty gross, but something about a wife beater with textured stripes and a small pocket is even sadder. They all arrive...yadda yadda yadda...no one can believe it's the week leading up to hometowns. The girls arrive at their suite thing and Chris Harrison shows up to brief them on the upcoming week. (All I can think is how Chris Harrison has the best job ever. Dude is just chilling in Belize all week and all he has to do in exchange is give a 5 minute explanation about date cards. I mean, if the girls haven't caught onto this concept yet, heaven seriously help them.)

Nikki is already crying? Courtney is make threats and hostile comments. This is going to be a long one isn't it?

First one on one goes to.....Lindzi! (horse girl and first impression rose winner.)

And just what are they doing, well riding a helicopter of course!! Does this show own their own helicopters? They should think about investing in that. Chris Harrison could take it to "work" when they're not using it for dates. So, we see aerial footage of Belize. Gorgeous! Ben comments on how Lindzi is being so easy going...how does she do it?! Laid back city is where Lindzi lives. Doesn't Ben know that everyone is easy- going on vacation. Seriously, everyone. I'm family members with high strung individuals that can manage to be laid back on vacation. I digress...

Ben springs it on her that they have to jump from the helicopter into the ocean in the middle of a barrier reef. Isn't that a fun surprise?! NO. Couldn't Ben have shared that with her before the joy ride began? That might have been polite. Lindzi is scared of heights, which I'm beginning to think is a requirement to be a contestant on this show, and she is not sure about this whole jumping off bit. But, somewhere deep inside she finds the strength to jump. That or she just realizes that she has no choice since this is going on TV. They jump...the falling in love metaphor ensues. "If they can do this together, they can do anything."

I really can't figure out how I came to the decision that Robert is the right guy for me without jumping out of a helicopter with him. Mind boggling.

Onto the nighttime portion of the date. Ben is looking for Lindzi to open up. Lindzi wants to open up but she's scared. She's also doing this weird thing with her head and neck. That cannot be the natural way she holds her head. There has to be effort there. Maybe if she could just relax and not worry about holding her head that way, she could concentrate on telling Ben how she feels. Finally it comes, Lindzi tells Ben she wants him to meet her family. Wait, is that all she had to say?  My gosh, child, get a therapist, that is not hard to choke out, especially if you want that effing rose. I tell strangers that I want them to meet my parents. Maybe I need a therapist. Well, I already have one...nevermind!

Then Ben tells Lindzi they are going to write "their fairytale" and put it in a bottle...message is a bottle. Fairytale?! I'd hardly call the series of strained convos that they've endured a fairytale. ppppfffftttttt. I'm sending out an SOS and this is PAINFUL. Please stop writing this. They even draw a picture on the other side of the paper. They roll it up and put it in one of those huge magnum wine bottles that you can get at the grocery for $8. We see a shot of the bottle floating in the ocean. I'm guessing that it will be picked up in the next 8 hours and thrown away, it didn't seem to be floating anywhere. This is not one of those cool things where someone will find that bottle in 50 years and wonder about the couple that wrote it and how madly in love they were. You know, what romantic comedies are made of. This is NOT one of those things. And Ben and Lindzi are NOT madly in love. They maybe lukewarm like each other. Maybe. Sidenote: Lindzi wears too much make-up and needs to die her hair dark. Yes, I said it.

Meanwhile...back in the suite. Emily is going on the next one on one. Courtney cries about it. This is so hard for her. Concentration camp hard. Help this woman. pppppfffffffttttttttt.

And here we go with Emily!

You know, I started to like her on this date. She and Ben had a fun time together. Just roaming through the village. They bike...they play basketball. So active right now! She said she felt like she was on vacation with her boyfriend. Well, great, that's the point of this thing, right? They spontaneously come upon a lobster fisherman and decide to fish for lobsters to eat that night for dinner!

SO spontaneous! If that wasn't planned, I will eat my shoe.

So they lobster fish, which sort of looked cool, but sort of freaked me out. I think I prefer New England lobsters. Those looked a little mutated or something? Oh well...when in Rome...

We all know Ben and Emily have had their ups and downs. (ha. I sound like they've been in this tumultuous a year relationship....) but this day is an UP...it just can't be going any better. They are really focusing on "their" relationship and the word Courtney doesn't come up....oh but then it does! But, it seems to be fine, they are having fun. Ben tells Emily that she's smart. Does he just feel obligated to say that because she is getting her PhD in something? Has he seen any real evidence that she is smart? Idk. But, I thought Ben was feeling Emily and that she'd definitely get a rose and we'd be headed to her hometown.

But, I'm wrong about nearly everything. So, yeah, we all know Emily goes home sans Ben. She told people.com in an interview last week that she was glad and she really didn't know the real Ben. YES, EXACTLY. This is a television show. Maybe there is hope for this doctor to be. Maybe she'll try match.com again and not be matched with her brother? We'll see you at the Women Tell All, Emily.

And then we learn, Courtney gets the next one on one. Well, thank the Lawd! She was maybe NOT going to accept the rose if she didn't get a one on one. Gasp!

This, along with Courtney's other off-handed comments, causes the women to begin openly hating her. It's about time. Emily has been caring this torch alone and they all know she's awful. Call a spaid, a spaid, ladies. Or whatever that saying is. Kacie B. even starts cussing...F bombs! Also, it must be pointed out that I called Courtney "The Black Widow Spider" in a previous post and Kacie B. calls her that in this episode. I feel so validated as a blogger now. ha. jk. I don't really see that ever happening.

Anywayyyyy....Courtney's one on one. She is talking about how the spark is gone with Ben. She's not sure if she can get it back. She tells Ben she's not one to unload her feelings, but she needs to get this out. Why is Ben not running?? Why is Ben not sending her home right now?? But, Courtney's reverse psychology is working like a charm. Ben loves it. He loves it and he loves this Mayan temple they are climbing up. Courtney says with each step she felt all the drama and the stress melting away and by the top...the spark was back with Ben! Just like that! I wonder how many divorces could be resolved through this same exercise?

Ben says he feels close to his Dad at the top of the temple and all Courtney says is, "Awww" in this whiny voice. Seriously? Say something else. ANYTHING else. That is a pretty intimate thing for him to tell her, right?! But, Ben is great with Courtney's response, proving to people everywhere that  looks are everything.

And it's dinner time....more red flags for Ben that he chooses to blatantly ignore. Courtney brings up the other women in the house and says they don't get along and calls them boring. Ouch. Ben asks if she has friends back home and she said something like, "Yes, a lot! Well a lot of guy friends." Meaning, no, she has no friends. Ben tells the confessional later that he doesn't want to be with someone that other people don't get along with. Well, Ben it's happening right before your eyes. Right this second. You are with someone that no body likes. Mother Teresa wouldn't even like Courtney.

Group date time! Nikki, Kacie B. and Rachel. All 3 girls are getting serious about this rose. A rose means Ben is going to meet your family. Ahhhh! But, even with that stress they are extremely relieved that Courtney isn't on the date. Woooo....let's drink and be on a boat!

And what are they doing...snorkeling with the sharks! WHY...really why are they doing this? Unless you are an underwater photographer for National Geographic I don't really see the point. Rachel has a shark phobia. So Ben is giving her lots of extra attention. I wish they would have played the Jaws music. This whole "Rachel needs attention thing" annoys the hell out of Kacie B. Ben is basically with Rachel the whole time, but really, it's not like there is major bonding going on here. a. It's Rachel b. they are snorkeling, there is little talking involved. Everyone is over the snorkeling in about 20 minutes because really that's about the snorkeling threshold. You poke your head underwater, think "wow! look at that! hmm neat!" and then you're ready to get back on the boat.

Pool time and cocktails! Ben and Rachel talk. I can't remember about what. Obviously, there is nothing there. Ben and Kacie B. talk...Kacie tells Ben she's falling in LOVE with him. Whoa there! Nikki tells Ben she wants to take him home and reminds us that the last time she took a guy home she married him. Yes, Nikki, you're divorced, we all remember. Kacie B. gets the rose for being so "open". I'm sure the other girls are thinking, "Well, you sneaky bitch, Kacie B.! What did you say?" Then the convo between Ben and the ladies takes a turn from awkward to serious when the girls semi-warn Ben that Courtney might not be there for the right reasons. I think he drones out those words so that they sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown. Ben is already under Courtney's evil spell, it's too late to save him.

Rose ceremony. Everyone is tense except for Courtney. I think maybe she got some marijuana from one of the maids or something. She is so strange.  She is having a love affair with her pina colada. Okay?? Here comes Chris...anddddd there's not cocktail party. Well, shoot, no last ditch efforts a la Jamie to get Ben to pick them. Nope not this time. Ben knows what he wants to do. It begins. He pulls Courtney over to "talk". The other girls think this might be it! Ben has seen the light and Courtney is going home!! But, Nikki brings us all back to reality and says she thinks there is a 50/50 chance. Maybe Nikki does get men more than we think? That failed marriage thing is coming in handy! Because deep down we all know Ben is not sending Courtney, the model, home. He asks Courtney about her intentions...she tells him some generic answer and we all know that's all he needs. Courtney gets the rose. Rachel goes home. Emily goes home. They both didn't make too big of a scene. Clearly, this gentleman does not prefer blondes.

Emily did have some awesome facial expressions. Way to go out with a bang, I say. 

and now to my favorite episode of the season....HOMETOWNS!!! I'll just post this lengthy post now though, just to break it up...