Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Bachelorette Season Seven: A new low??

I've hesitated writing about Monday's episode because honestly, it made me sad. Seriously!! These adults who are seeking love and completeness in something that will never deliver is very sad and it is never more apparent in life than it is on this show. Even if Ashley finds her soul mate at the end, only the truth of Christ can give her what she is truly seeking. I know this to be true because, my friends, I have found my soul mate and love every moment with him and HIM, but if I sought completeness in only him we would both be miserable But, that, my friends, is another blog for another it's time for me to focus on Ashley and her backless tops. What is up with those?? Is that like a dress code requirement in Taiwan?? Girl couldn't get enough of them!! I won't judge because I went through a phase where I wore them. It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year of high school, I believe. The less fabric the better in that summer. I guess Ashley never went through that phase and is going through it now and taking us with her.

as if it wasn't hard enough for Ryan to say good-bye to her, he has to say good-bye to her braless??

Okay, time to go back to the beginning in Taiwan, "the jewel of Asia" or something like that?? It did look pretty beautiful, just like a jewel. And what better place is this for a fresh start?? No better place??!!! How many fresh starts does one need?? Many. Many fresh starts all over Asia according to Ashley. There are only 6 guys left...SIX!! This shit is getting real!! JP is even getting he in LOVE??!!

p.s. what's up with the Asian themed music, ABC?? This is not Memoirs of a Geisha....cheeng cheeng chang chong ch ch chong. They played the music, not me!

The first one on one goes to Constantine. I can't believe this guys still in it, honestly?? Nothing against him, but I would have never guessed he'd be in the final 6. Saying that, I'm usually wrong about...hmmm everything, so nevermind. Ashley is ready to sight see in her 5 inch heels and.....guess what else......her backless top!! Seriously though heels?? Is she afraid of flats?? Flats are cute!! Ask Tory Burch!! Anyway, so begins her day with Constantine. They get a choo choo train and Ashley says there's something about trains that is really romantic. ppppppfffffttttttt. There is nothing about trains romantic. NOTHING. I've been on them in Europe and the US and I'm here to say, trains are gross. They are only cool in black and white movies when people could smoke on them. Regardless of my opinion, C-man (just can't keep typing out CONSTANTINE) and Ash hold hands on the train ride and find this romantic.Good for them. They arrive at an enchanting little village and walk around. Hmmm. Didn't they do this on their last date?? This village is special though because they have a thing where they paint lanterns and make a wish!! This sounds like an activity you would do at a 3 year old's birthday party, but whatever. C-man is taking this activity seriously and Ash is digging it!! "How do you draw marriage?"-she asks while America cringes. How DO you draw marriage?? Lawd, help us all. 

The day winds down and they have dinner which means it's time for - you guessed it- serious talking. Hello!! Hometowns are next week!! She has to MAKE sure that there is a connection. C-man says that she will really get to know him around his family and that he isn't in love yet. She digs his realness and his "not trying too hard" and "just being him." They make out. Lanterns float. C-man wants to bring her home. 

and scene.

Too bad we didn't get any footage of the saucy train ride home. 

Ben F. aka Twin of C-man is the next to get a one on one. Ryan is freaking, still no one on one for him...only group dates...eeekkkkkk. I believe this is called foreshadowing. 

Anywayyyyyyzzz, Ben F. date time!! Ashley is wearing FLAT white converse...HUGE!! Did the producers make her since she was riding on a moped?? Who cares?! So they hop on the moped...who caught Ben's "Dumb and Dumber" reference??? He said something like "we're like Harry and Lloyd". Ding ding ding!! Bonus points from me!! I don't think Ashley noticed?? ppppfffffttttttt. She says she feels so safe with Ben. Do you really feel safe?? Is Ben an experienced moped rider?? 

just a couple of kids in love 

After a long day on the moped, it's dinner time. Of course, there are large glasses of white wine in front of them. Ashley sips on it and compares it to the white wine that Ben gave her on the first night. He agrees that it's similar, but you know the wine snob in him is like, "What is she talking about??!! My pinot grigio has way more hints of grapefruit in it!!" Ben says he can't wait for her to meet his family and something about the "L-bomb" as he calls it...aka love. He's falling for her........they make out. There are some feelings happening here!

And I didn't realize how many feelings until Ben doesn't come home that night. What??!! This isn't an overnight date??!! They are NOT supposed to "chose to forego their original rooms and stay in the fantasy suite"??!! They must have had a lot more of that wine.

JP is really upset about this revelation that Ben shacked up with Ash. THEY had a connection on their last night...what is going ON here??? I don't think JP understands the premise of the show. He continues to seethe about this. Lucas comments on JP's emotions and how he isn't excited to spend the group date with him today. Nobody likes to hang out with Oscar the Grouch or Eeyore. Snap out of it JP.

Onto the group date...which I will call the worst group date in HISTORY!!! 

I received these texts Monday night:

Sarah: are you watching the bachelorette?
me: cooking dinner! haven't started it yet!
Sarah: OMG just wait
me: OMG
Sarah: New low. I mean awful. Just wait til you get to the group date.

Hence; the title of the recap. New low. SERIOUSLY, these wedding pictures??!! There HAS GOT TO BE more to do in Taiwan than take fake wedding pictures. This is beyond painful!! It sounds like my worst nightmare. It definitely sounds like any guys worst nightmare. Robert didn't even want to do engagement pictures. The guys are obviously dreading this and they haven't even found out what they have to wear yet....


Poor poor Ames and Lucas. I think JP said Ames looked like an ostrich plus Elton John. That was funny, JP!! Lucas is wearing a traditional Tai get-up aka a dress and JP gets the tux....good think because he is already PMSing this week and I don't think we can take anymore!! The pictures commence and it gets more and more awkward.

i can scarcely look at that!

JP is feeling more and more crazed as he has to watch Ashley take these "romantic" pictures with Lucas and Ames. JP take a xanax, calm down!!! Ames and Ashley take pictures in some whimsical tree. JP and Ashley do the traditional wedding thing and JP is not feeling it. I don't blame him. This is all just WEIRD. This isn't their wedding??? Eeeehhhhhhh. 

Finally, this date is over and it's time for cocktails. And don't forget...duh duh duh...there's a rose up for grabs!! Ashley realizes this is tense for everyone, she tries to encourage the guys to relax by saying how she felt on this particular date with Brad Womack on the last season. That was a terrible idea. Now the guys are thinking about Emily again. jk jk.

Lucas and Ashley sit down for a talk. Lucas says he had an "okay" time on the date. He was wearing a DRESS. He tells her that he'll always be honest with her. She asks if his family will be ready to meet her since he is divorced. He assures her that it's been 3 years. Lucas, that's really NOT that long?? He says his family just wants him to be happy. They end their time dancing closely. To no music?? That's sort of awkward, but okay?

Ames and Ashely sneak away and Ames pulls out old pictures of himself and his family. Wait were those just in his suitcase?? Has Ames been scrapbooking in his free time in the house?? Oh well, I don't really care. I like Ames and his little picture reveal is pretty cute.

hey there 12-year old Ames!! 

JP and Ashley finally get down to business and JP releases how this has been a terrible week for him due to his raging jealousy. She says she thought he was "as cool as a cucumber" pppfffttttt. Just like you had a "good feeling" about Bentley?? pppfffffftttt. Ashley reassures JP with a rose. And scene.

Now the moment we've all been waiting for....or should I say the moment Ryan has been waiting for.....his one on one with Ashley and her backless top. Ashley knows Ryan is a great guy but doesn't know if they have that romantic connection even though she gave him the first impression rose. Nothing like time together in  Taiwan to get to the bottom of this. It starts out awful. They do the awkward run towards each other. Then they go to some religious temple with people chanting to statues and make a wish to the god of love. They have to flip these weird block things over and if they land opposite their wish comes true. They land on the same side meaning that their love wishes are not going to come true. Again foreshadowing. Ryan, the optimistic, refuses to let this get him down. Painful.

It gets more painful. They are so bored they watch Tai Chi. They talk about Tai Chi. They do Tai Chi.

They sit down at a picnic table and that's when things really take a turn for the worse. They have a conversation about energy conservation and recycling and Ashley realizes that she can't take it. 

oh noooo

When she made this face I was certain it was over, she couldn't take another second. She did one of the hardest things that a person has to do (in my opinion) and she broke up with him. Saying that he was perfect on paper but she just "wasn't feeling it, you know?" No Ryan does not know. This was the best day of his life up til this point.


If a picture is worth 1,000 words, I think the picture above might say it all. Ryan was hurt, damaged, scarred. I hope he buys the new Adele cd and feels better. Really though, it was so sad to see him break down. He wants to find that person so bad...and be a dad!! Man, that was just really sad :(. I do wish him happiness and for his dreams to come true?? They have websites for this now?? eharmony?? 

Onto to the rose ceremony. Ashley dons a dress with cut outs kind of staying in the backless theme. She sits down with Chris Harrison. They talk it out, she again decides NO cocktail party--- straight to the rose ceremony. That is really becoming her trademark. She knows what she wants to one can change her mind. So...if she knows...why does she always pause so long before the last rose?? Is that just editing?? 

She sends Lucas, Mr. West Texas, home. He takes it like a man, but says he wasn't ready to go home. She tells him she wasn't sure that there was that romantic connection there. Lucas says he wishes he just had someone to go to breakfast with. Again, that is just sad :(. 

Next week hometowns!!! I love meeting the families!! I'm way too involved in this!!! :) 


JV said...

JP totally got a "pity" rose. If I were a dude, I wouldn't want a pity rose. But I'm not a dude and I'm not JP.


P.S. I can't believe we didn't talk bachelorette in C-bad. I watch it every week and Peter pretends like he isn't watching but makes comments (i think he likes it).

alexis scarff said...

Judes, it was TOTALLY a pity rose!! How did we forget to talk about the Bachelorette??! Robert pretends to hate it, but I'm pretty certain that he secretly loves it :). I would love to hear Peter's comments!! I miss you guys!!