Monday, July 20, 2009

hi, everyone, hi!!!!

A whole lot has happened in the world in the past 31 days....the King of Pop has passed, John is minus Kate, Nick/Jessica both find themselves single AND dozens of moms have joined Facebook. These happenings will probably each get their own commentary and post if I can ever get back into the swing of this blogging business. When you begin to blog, even about nothing like myself, then suddenly turn off the blog switch, it's not easy to turn it back on. It's not like riding a bike or getting back on the horse; but more like jumping in a cold pool and swimming up to the top. It doesn't feel good a first, but by the time you come up to the top to take a breath, you're warm and you feel comfortable again. So here I am, treadding water in the pool, blogging, blogging because a whole lot has happened in my world in the past 31 days.....

On June 19, 2009, the man that I love and admire in a way I never thought possible asked me to marry him. In 146 days I'm going to have a new last name and a new husband. Never again will I be Alexis Neal. I will be "Robert and Alexis". I will be "Alexis Scarff". I will be "Mr. and Mrs. Robert Scarff". I couldn't be happier about this and I know this is going to sound a tad "Jerry Maguire" of me, but I couldn't feel more complete knowing that I'm going to be part of Robert, God-willing for the rest of my life. The more I learn about marriage are realize that it is the new creation of two people becoming one person, the more mystified and in awe I am of it. I'm really more in awe of my fiance. I. love. him. Thank you God, for Robert Scarff. and thank you God for Ghostland Observatory. and thank you God that we both liked Ghostland. and thank you God for Sarah who bought my ticket to Ghostland Observatory. I could go on, but just really thank you God....

I could also go on about the highs and lows of wedding planning, but now that I feel more in the flow of blogging you can hopefully ride those waves with me. The wedding waves......whew....they can be a wild ride. Good thing, I've got best person imaginable, (Robert, that's you!) riding them with me. See below for some wedding waves...


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

the table


How fascinating is it that each of us are made so completely different? I recognize this when I think about the spectrum of my friends. How they range from the most out going and boisterous to the very laid back and calm. When I think of all the intricate differences of people's personalities and spirits I can't help but think, how's there's no way there's not a God. How else could all of the amazing individuals I know exist and be who there are? This brings me back to my friends and how crazy I am about them. I could go on all day about each one, but I think their common thread is this-they all bring something to the table.

I've been hearing this phrase more and more lately. "They don't bring a lot to the table." or "He really brings a lot to the table." You know what it means, but I'll attempt to define: it's when you're out, you know...at a bar or at dinner with a group and everyone around you is in little conversations and somehow you get engaged in a conversation with someone that you haven't really talked to or gotten to know and all of the sudden you're nodding, your talking back at their comments, laughter might occur and a sense of satisfaction always follows. This person is interesting, sincere and educated on some topic that you're not and you walk away from that conversation thinking, "wow, he/she really brought a lot to the table".

I love when I'm surprised with someone bringing something on the table because the opposite of these "table" conversations is usually quite painful and causes me to use my fake laugh; which Mary says, distinctly sounds like this....huh huh huh--how ugly. I should take all steps to prevent my fake laugh ever being used outside the work place (where it is absolutely necessary to function)...

Of course, like every other thought I have, I come upon a moment of self-reflection and ask, "Do I bring something to the table?" I pray that I do and not the antithesis, but I can't really have a conversation with myself, so I guess I might truly never know. I know that with this thought in mind I will aim to bring something to conversations I'm involved in, whether with a stranger or my mom, I hope to "bring something to the table"- not by dazzling them with my interpersonal skills or with an witty joke or funny story, but just by listening, by being present and sincere- which I feel are the main factors when "bringing something to the table" and things that everyone is capable of attempting. You don't have to be the most interesting person in the world to "bring something to the table" all you have to be is yourself and just listen. Of course, I'm preaching to the choir here, because you, my friends all "bring something to the table"..... thank God or we wouldn't be friends because I'd have to use my unattractive fake laugh all the time.

"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." - Anne Morrow Lindberg


Monday, June 8, 2009

Daaa da da da daaaa da (graduation song)

About two weeks ago, Robert and I went home to see my little sister graduate high school. I had forgotten what a hopeful time of your life that is. Remember the stars in your eyes when you would think about college and the future?? I know I fantasized about my future friends, my new fun college life, my classes, the parties, the football games... I probably didn't get to much further beyond that, but, I think I assumed that college was the answer to life, all you had to do is have fun in college, figure out what you wanted to do with your life and everything else falls into place. pppppfffftttttt. Is that ever how it happens for anyone? Don't let me confuse you, I loved college and I wouldn't take a second of it back, but I think it was very romanticized in my eyes. I thought that I had already gone through the business of "finding myself" in high school, and now, I could be like, "Hello, world, here I am..." I didn't know that hard decisions and big mistakes would lie ahead, I know that sounds terribly naive, but let's face it, I WAS terribly naive. I shopped at Pac Sun for Pete's sake. I liked Roxy, I had like four Roxy dresses that I thought I would wear out in college. Why did I think the surfer girl thing was cool? I really couldn't tell you. And it's really neither here nor there, but I would say that my fashion choices were a reflection of my sheltered existence? There's me below. ha.



Anyway, during my sister's graduation ceremony, Robert and I literally laughed aloud several times during the speeches that were delivered, I think one of them referred to the class of 2009 as "adults". Okay, really, I'm 25 and I'm not sure if I'm an adult yet. Actually, I can confirm that I'm not. Sometimes I think I might be on the brink of adulthood, but then I realize how absolutely juvenile I am 80% of the time. Like the fact that the registration on my car has been expired since December and I can't make the 5 minute drive downtown to renew it or that I started a blog that has TEN followers (I love each of you!) and that I neglect it on a daily basis. I'm not a girl, not yet a woman, I don't know what I am, but presently, I don't feel too adultish.

I can't pinpoint exactly what else was particularly funny during the speeches, but it was just the whole theme of it all. How then students had accomplished SO much and how now they were ready for what life had to bring. Why can't someone be honest at times like this? I guess you just can't. You can't stand up there and say, "Guess what, it's only going to get harder and guess what you're not ready for any of it. Oh and also, you're going to mess up a lot and it's going to suck." No one ever says that, but it is the truth. Perhaps, at 18, the truth is a little too much and it's better to believe the fairy tale. Plus, there's no way that at that age, you could grasp the whole refining process of growing up. How relationships refine you, situations, good and bad and in the end you become who you're supposed to.

Since that weekend I've found myself wanting to overload my sister with information. I feel sort of like a parent because I want to protect her from all of my mistakes. I want to tell her what to do right and what to avoid that is wrong. Over and over in my head, I've written a letter to her even though I know it won't help, she'll have to go her own way and make her own mistakes and learn the hard way like everyone else, it doesn't stop me from wishing she could have a perfect, happy life in college and beyond. See below for the top ten points my letter would hit.....

10. HELP- Everyone needs it, never be afraid to ask for help.
9. DRUGS- Just please don't. Addiction runs rampant in our family.
8. FRIENDS- Surround yourself with people that bring you up, never down.
7. THINGS- There are nice to have, but don't bring fulfillment or happiness.
6. CLASS- Knowledge actually is power. Don't be afraid to be dorky.
5. ALCOHOL- Use moderation. Less is more. Trust me on this.
4. MOM- This is going to be annoying, but she's usually right.
3. MONEY- It really doesn't grow on trees. How miraculous???!!!
2. BOYS- Listen to your heart. Really listen, it won't steer you the wrong way.
1. DREAMS- Follow them, absolutely NOTHING is beyond your reach.

How chesey has this post been??? Pretty chesey!!!! GOOD LUCK CLASS OF 2009!!!!!!



"Education is a wonderful thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught." - Oscar Wilde

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Well, what a coincidence!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always thought my life mirrored Britney's....in high school she coming into her own...I was coming into my own. Then, she became really successful...I got into college. Then, she had a shot-gun wedding in Vegas...I asked a random to Kite and Key. Then, she dated Kevin Federline....I had a boyfriend that liked Linkin Park. Then, she had kids....I got Doug the Pug. Then, she had a mental breakdown...I began therapy. Then, she has a comeback...I start a blog. And now today on this very day, I was 30 minutes late to work, and check B. Spears last night, ya'll..........I'm telling you, the same wavelength, she and I, the same wavelength....




Spears' Vancouver concert halted for 30 minutes
2 hours ago

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (AP) — The new and improved Britney Spears apparently isn't a fan of cigarette smoke — or any other kind of smoke, for that matter — while she's performing.

The 27-year-old pop star left the stage for about 30 minutes during a concert in Vancouver on Wednesday night, apparently because of smoke in the audience.

According to The Vancouver Sun, Spears' concert was halted about 15 minutes into her performance, and an announcer told concertgoers to put out their cigarettes. Some audience members grew impatient while waiting for Spears and her troupe to return to the stage, the Sun reported.

After she returned and ended the show, Spears — who has been to rehab and is on the comeback trail after a long stretch of troubles — told the crowd, "Don't smoke weed."

Spears' publicist, Holly Shakoor, issued a statement apologizing to fans about the delay. The statement said "crew members above the stage became ill due to a ventilation issue."

Spears began her "Circus" tour of the United States, Canada and England on March 3 in New Orleans. Her father and attorneys are exploring the possibility of expanding the tour to include more shows in Europe and Australia.

"That's hot."

Yes, Paris Hilton, uttered these profound words and managed to make them popular, but I don't think she was talking about something that was literally hot, actually I'm quite sure of it. I, on the otherhand, am going to talk about something hot. Something really hot, something that some would put in the category of a type of torture, something called Bikram Yoga. It's a 90 minute yoga class that consists of 26 postures in a heated room of 105 degrees. How does that sound? Detoxifying and unbearable at the same time? That's what I assumed. I thought that it sounded like a challenge and a cool thing to try, but something that would never be "me" and something for only the really hardcore people out there. (see below for hardcore people, they're the husband and wife that own the Bikram Yoga Studio in Dallas.)



I heard of "hot yoga" when I moved to Dallas, Sarah was doing it and so I gave it a shot. One of her friends had lost 10 pounds by sticking to this activity three times a week. Loosing 10 pounds? Sounds good to me. It wasn't Bikram Yoga, it was at a studio called Sunstone. I went once and didn't really take to it and decided I was more of a run/lift weights kind of girl when it came to working out. Last summer, my wonderful friend, Annie, was into Bikram yoga and told me how much she was loving it; this motivated me to try this hot yoga again. When someone so passionately testifies about these positive changes in their life, it makes you take notice, you know?

My mother was in town on Labor Day and the Bikram studio was offering a free day of yoga, so my mom and I trotted on up to the yoga studio. I wore shorts and a t-shirt, my mom who refuses to wear shorts or t-shirts wore work-out capris and a long sleeved shirt. We walked into the smoldering yoga room and everyone else is practically in bathing suits. Then our instructor walked in and I began to get really scared. He is wearing a speedo and maybe weighs 90 pounds. I immeadiately knew that we were in trouble. The class started up and I am trying to relax and enjoy it, but it is hard. It's hard to adjust to the heat, it's hard to focus on what you're doing because you're so distracted by the heat, it's just hard.

And then there's my mom, she's in fairly good shape, but I think it was a tad more than just hard for her. By the end of the class my mom is not following instructions and doing her own thing and the instructor had to ask her to "stay with the class". Of course, my mom, took this personally and begins calling the instructor Mango. You know, the Chris Kattan character in the Saturday Night Live skit? (if not, see below) Anyway, my mom keeps whispering to me, "Manogo, needs to let us out of here." This is followed by Mango asking my mom not to talk. Mango and my mom are not getting along. I feel sorry for my mom, who is attempting yoga in what feels like the center of a volcano in her winter outfit, but I equally feel sorry for Mango who is just trying to help my mom get the most out of this 90 minute hell she is going through.



The class ended and my mom and I are just laying there, starfished on the floor unable to move. (When the class ends everyone is laying, we weren't the weird people laying down.) My eyes were closed and I turned my head to peek over at my mom, she looked dead. She slowly turned her head and looked at me and we died laughing. It was definitely out of delirium, but there are just no words to describe how you feel after that first class. Surprisingly, it's spectacular! I realize that sounds insane, but I felt physically and mentally better than I had felt in months. I had just worked my entire body. Inside and out, every muscle. It felt amazing. Yes, it was the hardest thing I had done since my high school track days, but I now saw why people loved this practice and PAID to do it everyday. Even with my mom's conflict with Mango, she felt the same way. She bought me a month of unlimited Bikram yoga, so that I could keep it up for a while and we leave the studio. We both felt so invigorated for the rest of the day, I was even a little sore. I love being sore, I know, it's weird, but I love it. I guess, maybe because you can tell something is actually working and your body is changing. Soreness makes me happy.

So, since this time, depending on my finances for the month, I have been doing Bikram yoga. I just finished a month of it and I won't be able to do it for while so I just wanted to soak in and also share what I learned during a class a couple weeks ago...

It was about half way through what is called the "standing series" and I was slowly making my way through the class. Sherry was teaching this paticular class. Sherri is probably in her 50's. She a very petite little yogi and I like her classes because you can tell she loves teaching them. She said something that I hopefully won't ever forget. She said, "You must remember the most important thing in yoga is to listen." I must have been feeling really cocky that day because I thought I knew what she was going to say. I thought she would say that the most important thing was a certain posture or drinking water or another multitude of things. I was so wrong, the most important thing is just to listen. Later on in the class, she repeated herself, "Remember the most important thing in this class is to listen and the second most important thing is to breathe." I've heard this since my first Bikram class, all the teachers say it, "find your breath", "remember to breathe"...so this wasn't too unexpected. But, I reflected on it throughout the rest of the class and it really helped me.

Just listen and breathe. The simplicity of that is almost way too much for me. I feel like those two things could make so many other things easier besides yoga. Worry, stress...it tends to sneak up one way or the other. Don't let it. Listen to others, listen to yourself, I think the wisdom that comes from that will quickly overcome our fears and anxieties. And breathing...such a small concept. How often, really though, do you just breathe? It's almost hard to do JUST breathe, but how necessary is it? Breathing is everything. Let yourself breathe, relax in the moment and just let whatever is going to happen, happen.

LISTEN AND BREATHE........LISTEN AND BREATHE........it feels nice, doesn't it?

Friday, March 27, 2009

more than a shampoo....



You know the idiosyncrasies that you don't notice about yourself until somebody else notices? I have one. Multiple shampoos and conditioners. I have a lot of them. Robert has pointed this out and he's right, I do have lots of hair care items. It's not necessarily on purpose or that I'm constantly buying them, I somehow seem to accumulate shampoos, conditioners and deep conditioners. I completely blame my mother for this. The woman buys detergent at the dollar store to save money, yet insists that she, my sister and I used "good" shampoo. Every time I go home or she comes to Dallas we have to stop at the salon so she can buy me an Aveda product. "Good hair is important," she says. I'm not complaining, it's fabulous. Aveda-making people smile, one bottle at a time.



She's been like this since I can remember. When I was little I can recall seeing the Nexus bottles in her shower that I wasn't allowed to use. I was probably mad about that because I was really into my hair in grade school. I was consistently fighting with my bangs to look right. Every morning I fought the battle with my curling iron and hair spray. Scary. Later on when I was in middle school, she started using Nioxin, it smelled like peppermint and I always felt special when I was used it, she had become more generous in her later years (maybe she felt bad because she had my sister..ha, jk). I'm not sure what happened in my mom's shampoo life from this period til she discovered Aveda. She might have fallen off the band wagon of salon shampoos and dabbled in Herbal Essences, but about my junior year of college she had a complete about face.

She has always had opinions about my hair. If I got highlights my mom would have to rate the colorist, "Not as good as your last one." or "Oh, you need to keep going to him, he knows what he's doing with your hair." So, I knew I was in for something when she asked me out of the blue, "What shampoo are you using?". I remember being caught off guard. I had a part time job and I had been getting more frequent lectures from both parents about trying to cut back on taking money from their "money tree" and she was worried about my quality of shampoo? Confusion.

We stopped that day and she bought me the Aveda Damage Remedy shampoo, conditioner and deep treatment. She said that my hair looked fried and it needed help. She was probably right, I chi-ed it to death everyday. Even since, I've tried all sorts of wonderful Aveda products. There's Shampure, Brilliant, Sap Moss and on and on, but it was the Damage Remedy that caused the replenishing I needed. My mom claims that it "brought my hair back to life". Gees, was it that bad, Mom? I guess so. Anyway...we like Aveda, we're believers, so this explains allllllll of my hair products.

Last year about this time, I was in the shower, you know washing my hair like I normally would and I found my self staring at the bottle of shampoo I was using. It was called, Color Conserve. I remember sighing heavily because my life felt colorless. I felt colorless. I wanted the color back, my happiness and simply the ability to be myself again. Credit card debt, uncertainty that I should live in Dallas, my Granny's recent diagnosis of cancer and the incorrect way I dealt with it all had sucked the color out of me. I stared at that bottle of shampoo wishing that there was a product that I could apply that would "conserve" my color. That wouldn't let things in life wear on me, that I could be the same person that I was before I made mistakes and before things were complicated. I put the bottle down and looked at my other shampoos and conditioners. Hello, Smooth Infusion. I remember wishing that this one literally could be applied and produce the effect of "smoothness" in my life. Then, I see the old faithful shampoo that brought "my hair back to life" - Damage Remedy. I remember sincerely wishing that Damage Remedy would work. That if I used it, it would fix the damage in my life. I wish it would fix my Granny, it would pay my bills, I wish it could tell me where I'm supposed to live and if I was on the right track. I want the damage out of my life and I want the color back and at that point I didn't know how to get there.

That's the thing about life, trials and tribulations are inevitable and there isn't usually a quick fix, but eventually light and purpose can be found in dark moments. A little while after that emotional shower I realized that I did have a Damage Remedy - It was God and my relationship and access to Him. I did have a Color Conserve - It was my family and friends that God placed in my life. I did have Smooth Infusion - It was faith that my prayers would be answered in some fashion, no matter how hard that was to believe. It wasn't easy to realize these things, but somehow, I did....Aveda- more than just a shampoo. ha.



I have a little book called Hope for Each Day by Billy Graham. This was the reading a week or so ago and I feel like it sort of relates to this. Enjoy :)

Life with a capital "L"

The Son gives life to whom He will. -John 5:21

The moment you come to Christ, the Spirit of God brings the life of God into you and you begin to live. For the first time you begin to live with a capital "L". There's a spring in your step, a joy in your soul, and a peace in your heart. Life has taken on a new outlook.

There's a whole new direction to your life, because now the Spirit of God has implanted within you the very life of God, Himself, who is eternal. And that means you will live as long as God lives!

Too many Christians let themselves get bogged down by the cares and routines of daily living. Don't let that happen to you. Ask God to help you live each day with eternity in view.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

false alarm. i almost had a heart attack.

Okay, so, thanks to Sarah (she teaches me everything) I have become a bigger fan of Radiohead in the last year. I've always liked them, mostly because I randomly bought OK Computer during a retail therapy session at Target in Lubbock right after I transferred from OU to Texas Tech. Those were trying times and I attribute OK Computer to getting me through that fall semester- hmmm, maybe, OK Computer along with a lot of prayer and a lot of alcohol. God works in mysterious, mysterious ways.



Thank you OK Computer.

Anyway, back to present day Radiohead reflections, I didn't know they had such an underground network of intellectual, Thom Yorke obsessed fans until this past year. They do and they deserve it, lyrically and musically they seem to always hit the mark.

Currently, my favorite cd is In Rainbows and just now I looked up the lyrics to 15 Step because one of my favorite words is etcetera. It just says so much. I love it. So, of course, I love how Thom sings "Etcetera, etcetera" in 15 Step and I wasn't sure what he said after. Since it's sllllloowww at RPI today, I thought I would quench my curiosity and look up the lyrics. The song like most of theirs seems to have some layers that I wanted to uncover. To my horror when I Googled the lyrics and clicked on the link the icon below appeared with the lyrics for 15 Step underneath.



Immediate panic arose. No way. 15 Step on NOW 30? Radiohead is on a NOW cd? No. Matchbox 20 can be on a NOW cd and Lady Gaga can be on NOW 30, Radiohead cannot. Granted, I think I owned NOW 6 in high school. Whew, that felt good to get out, talk about skeletons in the closet. Back to my NOW 30/15 Step anxiety- immediate research was executed and I discovered that I assumed too quickly. The huge NOW 30 icon was only but a mere advertisement. Phew. That can really throw a girl off.

So, I thought, in honor of 15 Step NOT being on NOW 30 that we should all enjoy these lyrics from our modern day Shakespeare. (I took it to far, didn't I?) Related Side Note: When Robert was drunk on St.Patricks day (Hi Robert! You're cute!) he told me that Trey Anastasio said that if Jay-Z was born 300 years ago he would have been Beethoven. Okay? Is this legit or does Robert just need to stop binge drinking? I guess the appropriate question would be, is Trey Anastasio right or does he need to put down the pipe/bong/drug paraphernalia?

Alrighty...enjoy a spoon full of Radiohead, it helps the medicine go down in the most delightful way. I bet that's the first time, Radiohead and Mary Poppins have been combined. Except in my own head that is...jk, jk.

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out and you cut the string.

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
First you reel me out and then you cut the string

You used to be all right
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue?
Did your string come undone?
One by one
One by one
It comes to us all
It's as soft as your pillow

You used to be all right
What happened?
Etcetera, etcetera
Fads for whatever
Fifteen steps
Then a sheer drop

How come I end up where I started?
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out and you cut the string.