Monday, November 7, 2011


So, I noticed throughout my "secret pregnancy journals" that I kept using phrases like:

"i have faith it will all be okay"
"i trust God's plan"

I'm paraphrasing myself here, but somewhere along those lines are the phrases I was dropping throughout those posts. I love how I just dropped them in there casually like no big deal. The thing is, it seems that those are the vague phrases that believers in Christ so often use and expect people to understand. It's like we are giving the picture to others that faith is EASY and trusting in God's plan when something unexpected happens just somehow miraculously happens.

HA. That is funny.

I'm here to say, that in my experience, that it is not the way it happens and it is usually NOT easy. When something bad happens in my life or to someone I love, my human nature questions God and when something good happens TO ME my human nature takes all the credit. Where is God and faith there?? Nowhere. But that is our human nature. We are conditioned to be selfish and to not want and need God. That's the stuff we have (or rather I have) to work on. Seeking God. Asking Him to be in our lives. Thanking Him. It's not our natural reaction to things.

But the reward of finding Him, is so great, that it is worth this turn from our own ways. You must trust me on this. I've tried living in ALL other ways, (okay, well not like Wiccan) and I've found the way of God and Christ is the only way that satisfies. That only way that truly makes sense. That has true purpose and true meaning. I mean this wholly and deeply.

Back to pregnancy....

So, I've shared that when I got pregnant, I wasn't planning on it. (Sorry, baby in there, you were a surprise! It doesn't mean I don't love you!) It was very unexpected. And sometimes I would cry and wonder a multitude of things....

-did Robert and I get enough quality time of just being married?
-WHY now? WHY?? when we aren't ready?
-can I handle this emotionally? mentally?
-how are we going to afford this? no really, HOW? ha.
-well, shoot. we need to move now?

on and on....

It's like you can't be a 20 something year-old (okay 28) and be getting your affairs in order when there's a babe in the picture. A baby means responsibility. A baby means stability is needed. A baby means "sh** is about to get REAL".

Of course, people do this everyday "that live in mud huts and spend one dollar a day." quoting Robert here. This is how he comforts me. haha. jk jk. He does a better job than that :). But, he's right. 14 year olds have babies, we can have a BABY. We are really okay.

And to quote my dad, "you are never ready." To have a baby that is. He told me that once and he is right. You are just never READY. But, you do it. And you survive. Crazy how that happens. Crazy. God knows what he's doing....doesn't he?? I think so, or we all wouldn't be here.

More of my cliche Christian phrases again? I just can't stop, can I?

Anyway, during these times when I was crying and wondering about all of this....I would pray. I would ask God to help me trust Him, I would tell Him that I was scared. I soon remembered that I WASN'T IN CONTROL of this. That HE is. And He's got me. He's got me and He's got Robert and he cares for us and LOVES us and he is not going to desert us now, but rather, BE with us.

These verses below, Matthew 6:25-34  have helped me see clearly over and over in my life in lots of situations and they did it again for this one...

Do Not Worry
    25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (omg duh! God loves me more than the BIRDS. I'm going to be fine!!)27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]? (yeah, this worry bit is not helping anything, except causing me to break out.)
   28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? (God will clothe me and prepare me for this baby, this pregnancy. Seriously, ye of little faith over here.)31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Love those last two verses. Can I get an AMEN. AMEN. 

Also, I remember reading this devotional (below) when I first found out I was pregnant. God was speaking to me. It's from a little devotional book called Hope for Each Day, Words of Wisdom and Faith by Billy Graham. (Sounds a little cheese, but it's a good one! Pick it up at your local Barnes and Noble. ha.)

September 9

Peace in the Storm

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace. Romans 15:13

A wonderful old hymn says, "He gives us peace in the midst of a storm."
In life we face all kinds of storms. We usually think of the personal "storms" that come our way- financial worries, problems in our marriage or family, illness, the betrayal of a friend, and so fourth. But we face other kinds of storms that threaten to engulf us also: storms of materialism, storms of secularism, storms of moral degeneracy, storms of injustice, terrorism, and war.
Do you remember the violent storm that came upon Jesus and His disciples one night on the Sea of Galilee? His disciples grew panicky- but Jesus stayed fast asleep. He was at peace because He knew God was in control. He was at peace also because He was sovereign over the storm, and He knew it would vanish at His Word: "Peace, be still!" (Mark 4:39)
His Word still calms the turmoil in our lives. Is some storm making you fearful today? Stay close to Jesus, for  His Word brings peace. 

I long to be at peace like Jesus was in the storm. To have that big of faith that I completely trust and GET that God is in control, but it's hard. Even Jesus's disciples, the guys that like invented church struggled with this. They were put in jail and beaten, they had more storms to weather then just being freaking pregnant. 

But, you know what Jesus told them over and over??

To have faith the size of a mustard seed. Well, a mustard seed....really?? That is pretty pretty small...

So, I find a tiny speckle of real faith, just the size of a mustard seed. And I keep praying. Praying for my life, my loved ones, things I want to happen, situations I can't control. 

Matthew 17:20

 20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

God is listening. Waiting to move mountains. Pray. Trust Him. 

That's what I'm trying to do through this pregnancy good. I mean, good days and bad days for sure. But, I know I'm going to be okay no matter what happens.

(sorry a little Biblely and serious today....i like the Bible and i am a VERY serious person. ha. for real on the liking the Bible part though. ha.)

(also, my fonts and formatting are weird on this post. i don't know why and i'm trying to fix it and can't. #sorry)


Stephanie Griffioen said...

Hi there! I completely accidentally stumbled upon your blog but I feel like I was just reading from my own journal! I just had a baby last month, and reading all of your thoughts and fears - girl that was me in a nutshell! Baby wasn't planned, pregnant right after we got married, I questioned God's timing a lot, upset that my husband and I were losing "us" time, was afraid of sooooo many things. But now that my precious little boy is here, everything I feared/was angry about/etc, seriously disappeared. I see God's perfect and undeniably awesome plan now, and I'm overwhelmed that God would choose me to have a child. I promise you, that it's all going to be worth it. Continue to have faith even when you don't feel like it and when it's hard. God will greatly reward your faith in the end! Feel free to visit my blog and read more about my pregnancy journey - I hope you are encouraged!


Heather said...

So happy to read this! Found via Casey's blog. I love what you wrote, and your heart! Absolutely beautiful. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and are trying to start a family. It's not happening as "fast" as I would have hoped. Trying to not get discouraged. This was so encouraging to me to just wait and trust and give my worries over to God-- no matter what the circumstances! Thanks girlie! xo

Haley{PairsandPours} said...

just stumbled across your blog. I definitely needed this today, and that group of verses is one of my favorites. thanks for sharing.

alexis scarff said...

Stephanie, THANK YOU for the encouragement...really, it's awesome to hear and see God's awesome work and plan happen in your life!! Also, CONGRATS on your precious little boy!! :) Can't wait to read your blog!

Heather, I just emailed a friend, that I wasn't sure if I should write this post, but I knew I needed to. To hear that you were encouraged brings me joy, God works in mysterious ways...through blogs!! haha. I will pray for you...waiting and trusting is so hard, but do not be discouraged, find any hope and faith you can. God has your BEST interest in mind, I just know it :)

Haley, You're welcome. I know, I totally need to hear those verses daily..can't be reminded enough it seems!! :)