Things are looking up now, but I can say that this morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Mentally for sure and now that I type this I realize that I did physically too. Last night was the first night I have spent away from my husband since our wedding night. I slept on his side of the bed last night and got up from his side and didn’t notice at the time, but in retrospect it felt weird. I guess that 67 nights is a substantial period of time and an obvious awareness of sharing a space with someone would be even more present when that person is suddenly MIA.
I can say with gusto that I am trying to journey away from this icky feeling with the help of coffee, gchat and office talk with Mary. (She’s been having a hellofa day herself .) And it’s helping, the fog is lifting, but what is up with winter, that it is so easy to feel “blah”. Blah is a scientific word for, “I don’t give an eff about anything” type of mood.
I was gchatting with my best friend since diapers this morning, Lauren Margaret Hyden and she said, “Last night I was driving home from the gym…the sky looked so fresh and clear kind of how the summer sky is in New Mexcio and it made me soooo happy!!! I was like….GEEZE I have just been so blah!” What is it about talking with someone that you have known your whole life that has a kind of healing power?
She reminded me of two simple things that I needed hear today to get me further from the wrong side of the bed. 1. Go to the gym. HA. KIDDING. Okay, for real now - 1. You’re not the only person in the world. When I am having a bad day (and trust me, I’ve had some doozies, just ask the front row spectators, Sarah and Mary) I feel like no one could is going through something as heavy as I am. I don’t acknowledge that I think this at the time, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ve convinced myself of during those bad days. I think it’s during the blah days when this feeling comes creeping through. Anyway, Lauren sharing with me that she too, has felt blah, just made me feel not alone and okay and that perhaps this blahness can be overcome. 2. She also reminded how there is nothing like a summer night in my hometown Carlsbad, New Mexico. Those high schools summers, there’s just nothing like them. Sinking back into a good carefree memory of youth sometimes is as gratifying as a paycheck. When I got in my car to get Mary and I Eatzi’s for lunch (We had the sushi and judged it to be Fair. Not Good, definitely not Great, but just Fair.) Anyway, in my car, I was parked facing the sun and it was warm when I got in, almost that summer feeling, you know? It felt so good. I’m ready for a little sun. My pale, skin-cancer-prone-self needs it.
So as we began of this season of Lent, where some chose to fast from one thing or another, for religious/personal/nonexistent reasons, I want it to be known that it’s okay to feel blah sometimes and waking up on the wrong side of the bed IS going to happen, but try not be grumpy despite it all and know that spring is coming and the sun is near and most importantly St. Paddy's day is in 27 days! I want to talk about Robert's St. Paddy's last year, he took it prettty seriously and some really good grape Everclear punch, but that's all I'll say for now.