songrams, saltines, sac(s)

Secret Pregnancy Journal - Entry 3

So, my next new pregnancy hurdles to cross were

1. telling my co-workers and bosses. ahhh
2. TYSO pub crawl sober
3. sonogram

My mom and I decided that I should tell people at work in case something weird happened there, like me fainting, and they didn't know I was pregnant. I'm a fainter so it's a possibility. At first this wasn't too bad. I got warm reactions, a couple surprised ones, but mixed with warmness. My fave reaction was from my work mom, she teared up. So sweet. I was scared to tell my boss, my head boss. His reactions to things are unorthodox. He is unorthodox, so I didn't know how that was going to go down. I told most everyone on Thursday, but didn't work up the courage to tell him until Friday. He's at my desk and I say, "I have some news....I'm pregnant!" He responds with, "I knew you were pregnant. You've been so ditzy lately." Seriously. When have I been ditzy?? When I was feeding your cat?? OR Was it when I was going to pick up your lunch?? Whatever. I laugh nervously, then he is nice and tells me congratulations and asks if I'm going to stay or if we need to start looking for a replacement for me. I assure him that I will be there for the next 8 months (aka I need insurance). He tells me that having a baby is A LOT of work. He has a four year old, so he has recently been through this whole deal. Of course, he also has a non-working wife, a nanny, multiple babysitters and a cleaning lady that have helped raise this 4 year old. "Yes, I know they are a lot of work!" I reply. Duh.

Whew. Okay. Glad that's over. At this point I wasn't feeling nauseous. Tired...yes. Emotional...yes. Not nauseous. It's definitely still sinking in that I'm really pregnant. I'm not acting or really feeling any differently. I look the same on the outside. It's a weird transition.

But, Mother Nature/God was about to remind me I was pregnant. I just had to wait a couple days for the fun to begin.

That Friday night, Robert and I go to Terreli's to celebrate our news. It's the new Terreli's. We sit up on the roof while we wait for our table. "yes, thanks, waiter, I'll have a water." This is when we have a bit of a "Come to Jesus meeting" about names. Baby names.

Robert and I have been discussing baby names since the night we met. I'm not joking. One of the first questions he asked me at Ghostland was, "would you name a son, Skip?" To which I replied, "like Skippy?? no, Skippy is the name of an ice cream truck driver." Robert and his best friend had this thing that they were going to name their sons, Flip and Skip...so that is why he asked me that. And that is when I fell madly head over heels in love with him :). ha. Also, in our early dating life, we emailed jokingly about what names we liked for kids. So, of course, since we've been married, names have always been a topic of conversation. But these were always casual conversations. Fun conversations. Not serious "this is a real decision" conversations.

Robert and I agree and see eye to eye on a lot of things. But, one of those things is NOT names for children. I mean, whoa. I didn't expect it to be like this. We do NOT agree. Robert has his heart completely set on a couple names that, honestly, I pretty much hate. Sorry, honey. I won't state the names, because I feel bad. He genuinely likes them and it's sweet, expect that it's not sweet because I hate not agreeing. ha.

Earlier on that Friday, one of my co-workers/kind of bosses took me to lunch. I told him the issues Robert and I were having with this naming bit. He was says to me, "Look this this what you've got to do. You've got to sit Robert down and say. Listen, I love you, but those names do NOT work for me." I'm pretty much the godfather of non-confrontation and/or being passive aggressive. So I do not do the whole "sit down and say something direct" very well. But, I told Robert this story and we were laughing, but I think we both realized that we are seriously going to have to figure this out. Robert recognized that night that his names were starting to upset me and he might need to stop calling our unborn child by those names. #anxiety

We actually start to compromise and talk about names we both like while waiting for our table. Sigh of relief. Common ground. Compromise. Just like that country song..."I'll start walking your way...you start walking mine!! We meet in the middle neath that old Georgia Pine!!! We'd gain a lot ground, if we'd both give a little....ain't no road too long...we meeeeeeeeeeeettttt in the middle!!!" So there we are at Terreli's neath that old Georgia Pine. Talking baby names. What is going on here? The world is flat.

We waited forever for our table and ended up having a late dinner. I was starving and ended up eating entirely too much. We see Kendall and her mama when we get up from our table. I just love them, they are so fun. They ask us to stay and have a cocktail. Ahhhh. It's so hard not to say, "I can't because I'm freaking pregnant!" haha. Instead, I tell them I'm way too full, which was true too. We go home. The next morning, I am waking up earlier than I do for work to do a Heart Walk thing for Danielle's work. It was awesome, so glad she asked us to do that. There's a little group of us there. Kendall, her mama, Gibson, Danielle, her bf, Matt and Sarah. I feel like they are just going to be able to look at me and be like "you're pregnant!". haha. No, that is not the case. Gibson and I even had a convo about birth control/pregnancy. This is when I sort of feel like my "secret pregnant" life started. I wanted to tell them SO bad, but at the same time I knew I wanted to wait.

I come home from the walk. I want to have a really restful day because I knew I was going to be active that night. That night was the pub crawl for TYSO. I could not miss this pub crawl, I was committed to this pub crawl. And I was going to crawl from pub to pub pregnant or not. So, I nap, we eat a little lunch, we go shopping for our 80z costumes. I nap again. Then it's getting ready time. I eat an ice cream bar thing, thinking that will tide me over for a while. We go to Sarah's get all ready. Sarah offers me wine. I decline, saying something like, "i'm just thirsty for water right now!" which i was. We head to Barley House where the registration is. Sarah and Ande very smartly order food. What does the pregnant girl do?? Yeah, I don't eat. I meant to, but I was busy chatting and registering that I just didn't get to it. I didn't know how crucial eating was to pregnancy at this point. I thought I'd be fine. I was drinking plenty of waters, that were vodka and water mocktails, so I was fine. Right? WRONG.

Very very wrong.

We get to the first bar. All is well. I'm kind of dancing. I'm wearing glow sticks. I even put on my sunglasses at night, so I really looked/felt like I was maybe drunk. I held a beer. I am like a total actress. Julia Roberts, here. Also, Gibson and Rhonda bought me drinks, which I gave to Robert. haha. Thanks for the drinks, girls. When we get on the bus to head to the second bar. During this bus ride, I realize I am very hungry. But, it's not a normal hungry feeling. It's more like a "something is wrong, this is an emergency I need to eat" kind of feeling. At this point I'm wondering how much longer I'm going to make it. I set my original goal to go for the whole thing, that tapered down til maybe midnight. Now, it was 10:00 and I was about to put out the white flag and surrender. We get to Molly Maguire's which is conveniently across the street from our home. Hmm, it would be awfully easy to walk home from here. But, I really couldn't think about that yet because all I could think about was food. I ask the waitress if I should get the nachos or the potato skins. She says nachos, I immediately wonder what is wrong with the potato skins. I wait, not patiently, for those nachos to get there while trying to carry on conversations with people that were getting drunk at a pub crawl wearing 80s.

That's when I realized my days of eating "like a girl" are over. I was about to eat nachos in from of about 80 people I was on this pub crawl with, when no one else was eating and I didn't care AT ALL. I mean usually, even if I was really hungry, I'd talk someone into splitting something with me and just have a bite, especially if I was drinking. Those days are over. I had to eat and I didn't care who saw me and how disgusting it may be.

So, the nachos come and I'm so happy. I'm like, "these are going to make me feel so much better!! yay, nachos!!" I eat the nachos. I wait for a second to feel better and how to I feel?? Well, I feel like I am going to throw up like right that second. I go to the bathroom, thankfully there is a stall open. I immediately throw up every bit of those nachos. I hear two girls out side waiting for a stall, "eww, someone is throwing up." I want to die. I do not want to leave this stall. I pull myself together and try to leave with dignity as I walk by the two normally dressed girls in my 80s outfit. They probably thought I was really wasted or bulimic. I just wanted to scream, "i'm pregnant you bitches!!!" So after that, I definitely decide it's time to leave, I not sure that I won't throw up more. I get Roberto, and we jet. I try to hastily explain to people that I ran into the throwing up situation and I text the girls where I went. I was done. No more pub crawls pregnant. No more.

I sleep that night, but the next day is bad. Throwing up all day. Again, it's like being hungover, but like the "alcohol poisoning throwing-up the lining of your stomach" hungover. I was in bed and didn't eat all day. That's when I learned the hard way NOT to ever have an empty stomach. Your pregnant body will make you pay. The hilarious thing was that my friends thought that I was really hungover. Again, I wanted to scream, "i'm pregnant you bitches!!!" but, I refrained. We missed another date to go watch a Cowboys game with friends that Sunday. We are going to have to have NO friends because I cannot seem to get out of bed on Sundays for one reason or another to rally to hang out with them. Thank you, pregnancy.

The next day is Monday. I have a sonogram/ultrasound, whatever they are called. I'm hoping I am going to be able to make it, that is how bad I felt. The appointment was at 10:30 and I definitely called in sick for the day. Robert was being awesome and asking if he could get me anything throughout Sunday and Monday. Finally on Monday, I'm craving Saltines and Sprite. Robert walks to Texaco and comes back with Sprite and Gram crackers. I'm like, "honey, those are not saltines." Does he not understand that I am dying here?? He then proceeds to get every cracker and chip product out of our kitchen and bring it to the bedroom. Again, NO saltines in there and now I'm just surrounded by food that just makes me want to throw up more. I mean, I hate to be a diva or whatever, but OMG, I just want saltines. Robert finally gets the message and saves the day and goes for a saltine run.

So before your first sonogram they tell you to drink 28 oz. of water so your bladder is full. It helps them see the little ball in there. When they told me this at my prior doctor's appoint, I was like, "no problem!! i drink lots of water anyway!!" ppppppffffffffttttttttt. Yeah, it's a problem when you can't quit throwing up. We are driving to the appointment, I'm trying to drink/chug water...my body is like...no, no stop!!! We pull up to the office. I get out of the car and throw up liquid everywhere. Well, so much for a full bladder. These people are just going to have to DEAL. I check in, I wait, they call me back, put the gel on my tummy and no they can't see anything, I need to drink more liquid. You would think they said I had to run a half marathon, I mean it just was exhausting. So, Robert and I sit in the waiting room and I drink all these beverages they provide for you...well, just sprite and water. What should be on the TV while we are waiting, well it's the Food Network and who should be on there...well, it's Paula Deen...and what are they making??? Tailgate food. Seriously. Kill me. It's so weird because I love the food network, but it was making my nausea spike to higher levels, I couldn't even watch. Omg, my bladder is full call me back already.

They finally do. I really have to pee, so I think I might have accomplished my task at hand. The sonogram girl puts the gel on my belly and this is happening. Robert is in the room too. I'm waiting for it to feel like a movie, but it doesn't. I just have to pee and throw up. She puts the thing on my belly. Robert can see the screen and I can't. Then she hits me with, "oh, i think we are going to have to go in vaginally." Excuse me?? You can do that?? News to me. Okay?? I'm not going to argue. Oh and if you're pregnant and not comfortable with the word "vaginal"...get comfortable with it. It's everywhere. Anyway, she asks me if I want to insert it or if I want her to? Ummm, whatever you prefer I say. She's like, "oh, I'm a professional, I do this everyday." I was like, go right ahead then, have a party. (okay, I didn't say have a party) And then of course she's like, "just relax". OH OKAY, I WILL.

So, she goes on in and Robert starts to see something. "What is that?" he asks. "oh i can't really tell yet." she says coyly. Then she finds something and turns on something else and we hear the heartbeat. Isn't that insane?? That early we hear the heartbeat?? It was pretty cool. There is a freaking heartbeat that is not my own inside of me. She hands us a cd of the event and she tells me that we should hear from our doctor the next day. Of course, you always pray everything is okay, especially that early. We are thankful to hear a heartbeat.

The next day, I'm sitting at my desk eating saltines and my doctor calls. "So, you have two sacs, she says, but one didn't make it. One is full of a healthy baby so far and one is empty. It will eventually just go away. It probably happens more than people think, but not everyone gets a sonogram this early." Okay, this is sinking in. Two sacs...as in I COULD HAVE HAD TWINS??? I love twins, twins would have been awesome. My mom did say it was a possibility, I have a great aunt and aunt that have had twins, but I never really thought it was a possibility. I cannot imagine telling my friends not only am I pregnant, but I am pregnant with twins?? Oh gees. BUT, the reality is, I'm not pregnant with twins. I'm just pregnant with one little guy/gal, so I don't need to worry about that. It's still processing though- two sacs. I call Robert and tell him. He said, "I knew I saw two in the sonogram!" Goodness. I tell the lady I work with. She was like, "no wonder you feel sick!! ". I eat more saltines.

Next up, I go to meet the real Doctor that will deliver the baby, actually they have me meet the nurse practioner first. More doctors....here we goooo....