Songify comes to work

My bosses are sort of like streo-typical parents in the way that they know about something like a year after it comes out. You know, like, "Oh have you heard of this thing called the iPod??" and "Have you heard about this band called Cold Play??" Except with your parents you can be like, "YES, Mom, that's been around forever!!!" With your bosses you can't do this. You have to nod politely and act excited. This takes so much energy sometimes.

One of my boss's got an iPad and is up all in my business getting me to download these "new" apps that he thinks he discovers. Today he comes to my cube buzzing about this Songify app. Have I heard about Songify? Yes. Not because I'm cool, but more because I have friends that are nice that send me things that they think are cool and funny. One of these was a song by Songify. Of course, I was sent this many months ago, so I know alllllll about Songify. But, I pretended I didn't and I let him upload the app on my phone and record a phrase and the Songify app made a song about it. Laughter. He He He Ho Ho Ho. We are all entertained.

Then my other boss comes in the office. He has an iPad now too and he's talking about Songify too. Help.

"Alexis, have you heard of this thing?"

Don't make me pretend again that Songify is the coolest thing in the world.

Luckily, I don't have to because he starts playing me a song from Songify out of a phrase he put in there. I can't type the whole phrase because there are names involved, but basically the song was " _____ _______ is a dick!" _____ ______ is the name of a guy that he was suing, but isn't suing now, but he still likes to make up songs about how he's a dick. This is awkward, but I laugh, he is really pleased with himself.

Some things just shouldn't enter the work environment. Songify might be one of them, but it's too late for that now. What will tomorrow's hit single be?

surely, this isn't my life...surely

I may or may not have mentioned this before, but often, I am sent to pick up lunch for my bosses. I've no problem with this. I'm not below going to get lunch. I'm glad to be the go-to girl when they need a Jersey Mike's menu. I'm glad! I'm happy happy about it!!!! (I'm bawling at my desk. jk.jk.)

Today, I let the newest guy in the office write out what he wanted. I usually take orders like a waitress, but I felt the new guy could handle it. (they don't teach the waitress bit in college. some might call me a fast learner.)

This was the result of New Guy's order:

Really????

a. Thanks for circling Cheetos. I might not have seen that.

b. Thank you for writing out the word "options" for a and b. I might not have understood where you were going with that. 

I like the New Guy. He's very nice and not cocky despite having gone to Princeton and having a large trust fund. He didn't mean to make me feel like the size of David the Gnome with his lunch order. I know that. He was just being clear. VERY clear. 

Geeeeeeeesssss. Circling Cheetos...I may never recover.......

Birthdays Abolished

Not in real life, just at my office. We used to have this ritual for every office birthday. The birthday boy or girl picks where they want to "order in" for lunch and what dessert they want and our boss treats the office to a lunchtime birthday celebration. Then we all sit in the conference room and eat our lunch and dessert and try to talk to each other, until we sing happy birthday and then it's safe to go back to work

I thought birthdays at the office were just painful for me, but now that they are abolished, I assume that I'm not alone. Everyone mutually agreed that we didn't want to deal with it anymore. And now, here we are, a no birthday celebrating office.

Birthdays were painful for me because I have to get everyone's order for lunch and go pick it up. My job is very multi-faceted. Waitress is one of the facets. It's sounds simple, but no, no, it was never simple. This is because my colleagues seemed to get confused that I'm not actually a waitress at the chosen restaurant and ask me questions about the menu. When I first began working, I would go to any length to answer their ridiculous questions about the menus. Eventually, I realized that they can deal with it. "I don't know what kind of bread they make that sandwich with. and I don't know if that comes with fries. I've never been there. I don't work there." Why do they think I know these things? They also begin acting like this is the LAST meal they will ever eat and that what they order for lunch is an extremely crucial decision. Just get the crispy chicken salad!!! It will be fine!!! Sigh. And then if I get back to the office with all the food and something is missing or wrong with an order. Oh the drama that ensues.........

Saying that, all that nonsense was usually worth it for two reasons: 1. we were celebrating someone's birthday, making them feel special (yes, i'm cheesey) and b. dessert. I'm a dessert person, so desserts really awakens that fat kid that lives inside of me and makes me very happy. So, since, birthdays at work meant dessert I could handle the rest of it. It was especially fun when the office was on this big Sprinkles kick and we would get Sprinkles for every birthday. That was a good time.

amazing. 

Tomorrow is someone's birthday at work and even though we are not supposed to acknowledge it, I will be making a dessert and bringing it to the office. I have to hold on to one birthday work tradition. I refuse to listen what anybody says, everyone wants something sweet on their birthday. I will be making my mom's famous dirt cake. She makes it every April for my sister's birthday. Neal family favorite! Also, I'm going to put it in a flower pot with a fake flower so it looks like real dirt. The birthday girl is a gardener, so it makes sense. Pictures and recipe posted tomorrow. Robert will ask me why I'm making this tonight and I will tell him that I have to support my beliefs. I believe in dessert. Birthday lunches can fade at the office, but dessert. Dessert will live on.

blog spring break

The last couple weeks, my blog has been on spring break in Mexico. That's why there haven't been any posts.

Ha. Kidding.

The real reason is that every time i go to write a post these past couple of weeks, one of my boss's gives me an assignment. It shouldn't be bad, but good, right? That's what good boss's do. They give useful assignments. The issue I have is that I've been doing the exact same things for the past 5 years. Upward mobility doesn't exist. Also, assignments being useful doesn't exist. It's Groundhog Day and there's no way to stop it. I won't explain the assignments, but I'll just say that the most annoying one is something that I know my boss's are supposed to do, but push off on me because they "don't have time". They do have time. They go to lunches and leave early to go to happy hours. This assignment just sucks so they don't want to do it. Therefore, they micro-manage me to do it and constantly ask me about it's progress with intense stares. I'm starting to believe it's causing an ulcer, because sometimes flashes of rage vent inside of me when I'm nodding politely while they're giving me instructions.

It just happened again. I was sitting at my desk finishing lunch. My boss approaches my desk and begins prodding me about "where I am with the assignment". Lawd, help me.

To make matters more painful, I keep on thinking that it's Friday and it's only Thursday.

I sound so forlorn. I really don't mind these assignments when I'm feeling sane. I don't mind helping out my boss's. It's my job. I try to shift my focus, be grateful for every day and know that these annoying assignments are temporary. Like so much of of daily stresses and worries. Like so much of what we feel is important. Temporary. Even this life is temporary and short. Be grateful today.

Oh also, I've been a little busy (along with my annoying assignments) due to these guys...

I've been helping out the DFW Pug Rescue and it's been so fun, so far. I'm going to my first "event" this Saturday. No pug left behind is their motto. It's now, one of my motto's too. 

Until next time....

a few things to address....

First, regarding this picture....

Yes, dad and husband Roberto are both redheads. A bit of a different shade of red, but red nonetheless. Did you know redheads are only 2% of the worlds' population? Yes, it's true.

Also, we are wearing matching pajamas. (Mom was matching too.) This is a tradition for the Neal girls, but the guys got in on it too this year. Dad always wanted in on it, but this didn't happen until we got another boy was brought into the Neal clan. Dad's wishes finally came true. And Robert's secret wish of wearing matching outfits with my entire family came true too.

Secondly, I'd like to address what I will call "unexpected iPad discomfort" that just happened to me. 

Everyone hates awkward moments at work, yet they can't be avoided. I experienced one today, when one of my co-workers asked what I got for Christmas. I hesitated and I thought I'd just b.s. and accidentally skip the iPad, but I felt dishonest, so I went "full on double rainbow" honesty and said, "Santa got me an iPad, I'm still in shock!" To this the co-worker replied, "Well, big ticket item. Whoa there!" He then proceeded to walk away while I was asking how his Christmas was and what he got. He didn't want to talk to me after he learned that I got an iPad. It's not like I got a fully loaded range rover or an island. An iPad isn't that over the top that I should be intimidating co-workers. pppppffffffttttttttt.

This could fall under the grey area of "what is okay to share at work". Being here for 4 years has taught me a lot of lessons in this field. I've probably shared way too much. This year in an attempt to change and grow, I think I'll be praying for an "eternal perspective" on this subject. I will attempt to be transparent and honest with my co-workers, and try to remember to simply love as God calls us to love. Saying that, I don't plan to tell them all my private matters or tell them my life story everyday, but I guess I plan to be more tolerant, to listen more, to engage more. 1 Peter 4:8 says, "above all keep loving each other earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." I notice that this verse says "love each other". Not only love your friends, not only love believers, not only love those that are good to you, but love each other...everyone around you. This is completely impossible for me, but I know with God's help, I can get better- starting with people I'm in close quarters with for 40 hours a week. At the end of the verse when it says, "love covers a multitude of sins", I don't interpret that as a judgmental kick as in "you are sinning, but i'm going to rise above and love you anyway". Rather, I see it as, "you're broken and you are human, but because I am attempting to just love you, my heart is softened." OR in my work environment, "i'm about to poke my eye out because i'm so annoyed with you, so please God help me be washed over with any inkling of love". It's a start. I'm also reminded that we never know what someone is going through and how badly they are longing to be shown love. People struggle with heartbreak, disappointments, conflicts everyday that they don't make people around them aware of. I know some of my co-workers are dealing with divorce, loss, being terrible..just to name a few. Shoot, that third one was NOT loving. I'll get there, it's only January 4th.

note: this post really went off on a tangent that I wasn't expecting.

Anyway.....


"Love COVERS a multitude of sins." - how I love that. How true it is. Especially in relationships. Marriage, family, friend...all of them. Robert saw me turn into the "Black Swan" a couple days before Christmas. Literally, I became a horrific version of myself. Yet, he didn't even get angry at me, his love completely engulfed me and brought me back to earth. The same with my family and friends, they've seen me at my lowest and darkest points and still love me. These are examples for me of God's unending love for us in human tangible form on this earth.

Update: Above mentioned co-worker just came back to my desk and we discussed the Grateful Dead. It seems he is over the fact that I got an iPad for Christmas. Crisis averted.

AND lastly, I just wanted to say bon voyage to the December Home Alone Moments of the day that actually didn't happen every day.

Fuller, go easy on the pepsi. December is over. We'll miss you.

My head hurts

Day two of a headache and I'm blaming the Halloween candy that was brought to the office yesterday. I can't refuse chocolate at the office. Zero will power there.

What's concerning me is actually having a headache (aka I'm in PAIN) and still having no will power to ingest the superfluous chocolate that I'm 90% sure is causing this headache. I mean I just had another fun size kit kat????

I'm even more disturbed that my candy intake has been a subject of office chatter.

I told one of the women here that I thought the excess chocolate might be making my head hurt as I downed 3 Advil this morning and she said "Yeah, I told Kay that you were having a good time with the candy in there."

Were you? Were you really talking about my candy consumption???

That's not embarrassing. AT. ALL.

candy, please go away and leave me alone.

Time flies when you're having fun!

Time also flies when you aren't!

:)

On that note, I deliver the news that tomorrow marks my four year anniversary at my job. Fourrrrr yearssss.

I won't bore you with the likes and dislikes about my job. There are many on both sides of the fence. More on the dislike side lately. I digress........................

I just find it positively shocking that it's been four years since I had my first day here. I was so intimidated, so excited, so nervous to begin my job as an executive assistant in the commercial real estate world. I remember what I wore my first day. I remember conversations that happened that first week. Crazy thing is, I'm still wearing the same clothes that I was four years ago. Not joking. Same stuff is in the rotation. And now, instead of being so nervous and so excited, I'm so on auto-pilot. I could do my job in a highly sedated state and I doubt anyone would notice. (I don't Mom, don't worry.) It also seems I'm having the same conversations.

"Alexis, can you print this out for me?" - highly tense boss acting as if this printing these documents is the life or death for the company
"Yes, I can print that out."

I can do a mean printing out. You have no idea. Ctrl P and the paper starts flying. It's insane how good I am.

Don't get me wrong, with the way the economy has been these last two years, yours truly at ppppffffftttttt, is thankful to have a job and printing out things for my bosses.

Yay paycheck. Yay paying rent. Yay for health insurance. These are good things. I don't take that biz for granted. Also, can't take the people for granted. I love my work family. In the same way you love your weird dysfunctional family members. God has a great way of weaving people in and out of our lives, you know?

Regardless of my lasting relationships, I do worry about my brain cells. If they're not reactivated soon, I think they all might disappear into the abyss. The abyss of deactivated brain cells of overpaid assistants. I've decided that I'm overpaid for the amount of work I do. I still want a raise - FOUR YEAR MILESTONE. hello, value me! ppppffffffttttttttt. Not happening.

Happy anniversary to me. I'm praying about my future. I know I need to figure out a new direction, just not sure where it is yet.

An old Friday tradition here at the office that is being brought back today. Haven't done this in a while. M and M's, wine and stuffing statements (lots of envelopes) - Don't be jealous, Mary.

Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.

Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
Michael Bolton: Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you would want to do if...
[printer starts beeping]
Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter"? What the f*** does that mean? 

Oh, PC Load Letter. Office Space becomes more and more relevant to me every day. 

I heart RPI

I know I talk about work a lot, but I really am convinced that our office is unlike any other. For example, please read the below email regarding what we are doing this afternoon...

Sent: Thursday, March 05, 2009 1:33 PM
Subject: 1st annual Postum Picture Pitcher Party "PPPP"

Please accept this email an as invitation to RPI’s 1st annual PPPP at 2:00 on Thursday, March 12. Proceeds from Postum will pay for a pitcher of margaritas and some munchies to share.

If we all have our pictures here by Wednesday morning, Cory has volunteered to scan them so we can look at them on the TV. If possible, bring a baby photo, a grade school/middle school photo and a high school photo. Embarrassing (but nothing that would scandalize) would be fun. Or just something no one would believe is a young you.

Let me know as soon as possible if this day/time doesn’t work for anyone.

Kay

Postum is truly the gift that keeps on giving here at RPI. I get to drink tequila this afternoon and look at old pictures of Cory?? How did I get to be so lucky?? I'll be making the margaritas and Kay's will have an extra shot in it. I hope this gets really awkward and sloppy.

Free Salad day at Eatzis???

Cory just walked into the office claiming that it was "free salad day at Eatzi's". The little price tag that they stick on the salad to determine the price was.....wait for it....wait for it.......BLANK. Is this a fluke? Is this fate? Is Cory blessed by the lunch angels? He did get free chips at Qudoba once. He claims that he signed his credit card receipt and it was only four dollars for two Pellegrinos and his salad. Confusion then struck him, "This should be more like $14." he claims ran through his head; the cashier just put the salad in his bag, which caused him to peer into the bag and notice the mysterious unmarked price tag.

What gets me is that he just waltzed out of the store? Did he even ask someone what was going on? Granted, times are tough and if life hands you a free $9 salad, you take the free $9 salad, but is that ethical? Who am I kidding, it's Cory...Cory believes that whatever Cory does is always right. So there you go.

Just thought I'd let the Dallas citizens know that today could possibly be "free salad day" at Eatzi's. So head on down and be sure to pair yours with a Pellegrino (or two) just like C-Mac did.

Ahhhh! He just walked by with a classic C-Mac quote:

"Everything tastes better when it's free."

Does it Cory? Are you homeless? Who wants to bet he says something in his facebook status about the free salad?

Good News!

The economy is not doing that bad. Now, I know what you're thinking, unemployment is at an all time low, Obama is attempting to stimulate the economy, BUT I now know that things are not as dire as they seem. How do I know this?

I know this because someone out there is willing to pay $56.00 for 3 cans of Postum. That's right the bidding frenzy has begun and there are 6 bids-the highest at $56.00. If there are people out there that can afford Postum, a beverage that doesn't even have caffeine, then I think the economy can't be in that bad of shape.

Also, I don't think this Postum top bidder is exactly Melania Trump. Postum is not for the black American Express card holders or the Merrill Lynch executives who received large bonuses last year. It's just for the normal person, like you or I, working the 9-5. So, it's official, the normal person can still afford life's tiny luxuries and to someone that luxury is, you guessed it, Postum.



Melania Trump, thinking to herself, "No thank you, hold the Postum."

Yes, it's true that times are tough, but the bottom line is as long as people out there still can afford Postum, no one needs to be throwing around the term "depression". We're all going to be okay. You heard it here first, not exactly the Wall Street Journal, but whatever...

Cory's facebook status...

Okay, I'm totally exploiting my office lately, but I almost have to share this. Cory's facebook status last night.

"Cory has decided that Facebook and Blackberry's combine to create a blackhole in the middle of my existence... must uninstall."

Cory, get off facebook and spend time with your wife and children!! My gosh, what is the world coming to.

Today's status:

"Cory is recovering from an attempted assassination by his personal trainer yesterday... I am S-O-R-E."

Really, I can't take much more.

Corn Tortillas

I never know what the harmony in the office will be contingent upon, today, it was corn tortillas. The president of our company, Jeff, Trey and two of our company's lawyers had a noon meeting, so Jeff suggests they order in from his favorite place, Matitos. So, like a good assistant, I get the menu, take the orders and call it in. Every one's order is normal, except for Trey's. He wants three beef tacos a la carte and an order of corn tortillas. This is simple enough, just an order of corn tortillas.

Why does it bother me that he orders this side of corn tortillas? Does he eat them plain? Does he dip them in salsa? They don't really go with beef tacos. They go with fajitas, they go with queso, they do not go with tacos. I am annoyed with the corn tortillas. I order them, of course, but I'm panicked about them because if for some reason the corn tortillas do not make it to Trey, he will take it personally and it will cause his face to get red and I'll get nervous and feel inferior because I can't even order lunch without a mistake. I feel that Trey can see all over my face that I think his corn tortillas are stupid. I feel like the guy that took my order at Matitos can hear my disapproval of the side of corn tortillas over the phone. Why do I even care? Why have the tortillas become my pet peeve? They are just tortillas, to each his own, you know? If Trey wants to have corn tortillas for breakfast, lunch and dinner more power to him. Let it go, Alexis, let it go.

Needless to say, the corn tortillas made it safely to Trey's plate, where I'm sure he enjoyed them thoroughly. What's really my issue? I think I just need the weekend. I'm ready to not be someones assistant/waitress of corn tortillas...

TGIF --- these were Mary's first words to me this morning when I walked in the beautiful glass doors of RPI. Seriously, TGIF.

Postum Update: Mary received one inquiry about what the expiration date is on the Postum. It expired in February 2008. I feel like Mary and Kay are bootlegging expired Postum. Next thing you know they're going to be throwing Postum parties in basements. Yeah, I took it too far.

1 piece of nicotine gum=4 cigarettes --The Office continued...

Here is another thing I don't understand about one of the employees here at RPI; if it's been 5 years since you've quit smoking, is it still necessary to chew nicotine gum in mass quantities? Apparently, it is. Hey, whatever helps you quit, I'm all for, but I don't get it.



Trey, the VP of RPI, chews probably 4 to 5 pieces of nicotine gum per hour. Not per day, per HOUR. I am not exaggerating. In the last month, due to the bad economy and the level of business coming in, Trey has decided that he is going to put Mary and I through "Lease School". This is good because neither of us want to be secretaries for the rest of our lives, but sometimes Lease School gets really awkward. It always starts out with a high school story from Trey, some kind of harsh statement that makes us really tense and then we start learning about real estate.

Today's Lease School began with a story about how Trey accidentally took drugs (high school story), then I asked Trey why he still chewed nicotine gum and he replied with, "So I don't kill people at work" (harsh statement) and then usually we proceed to learn about real estate. I don't know if Mary is feeling crazy today because of this Postum thing or what, but she decided that she wanted to chew some nicotine gum. Trey agreed to let her have some if she agreed to follow his instructions about chewing it. Chew four or five times, then hold it in the side of your mouth. Little did we know that one piece of it is equivalent to four cigarettes. You know, I may not remember what a cap rate is in five years, but I guarantee that I will remember that one piece of nicotine gum equals four cigarettes. Thank you for the education, Trey.

I'm telling you, the fun does not stop around here.

The Office

Yes, it's a TV show, so I'm not the first to come up with this concept that people at work are weird/entertaining. Really though, working with people is just a weird thing. You are with these people day in and day out...yet you set boundaries on getting to know them because you "work" together. It's like you know them, but you don't really KNOW them...or do you?

I've worked in a small office of 7 people for the past 2 years and there are still things that never cease to entertain me. For example, my 38 year-old boss and his new obsession with Facebook. He's on it more than a college freshman. Also, he is very impressed with the band, The Killers. I agree, they are a good band, but now that he likes them so much, I cannot think they're cool. There is just something about him that just makes it necessary to make fun of him at all times. You can't help it, he just makes it so easy. It's to the point where I don't even hesitate to call him out on things. "I saw your new album on facebook, Cory. That was a good one." The thing is though...he thinks I'm serious because I'm not a mean person. He causes me to be mean. This is ironic because I truly like him as a person, but it is impossible not to make fun of a man that tells the cabana boy when he is poolside at the Wynn in Las Vegas, "I'll have a pina colada...Malibu, make sure you make it with Malibu." Yes, he's straight, I promise...a wife and two kids. Just order a beer, Cory. No, of course, he can't.

Another constant stream of office entertainment comes from Kay. I've mentioned her before. Mary and I love her. She's a genius and the hardest worker I have EVER met, but there are things that I don't get. For instance, today Mary is putting cans of Postum on Ebay that Kay is auctioning. They no longer sell Postum, so Kay is thinking she is going to make a profit off of these superfluous Postums. When in Mary's life did she think she would be at work auctioning off Postums so that Kay could make $3.00?? These are the kind of things that happen here. Inexplicable, really. So as you enjoy the new episode of The Office tonight, just know that they don't have anything on RPI.

Happy Postum selling, Mary!