Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Bachelor Ben - Episode 9 - Fantasy Suite time in Switzerland!!

ABC played Ben's voice-over twice of him saying how "majestic and magical" Switzerland is. I'd like to fault him for repeating, but I know he wasn't in charge of that. And he's got a point, Switzerland is super gorgeous. I loved seeing all the scenery. It made all 3 dates a little more bearable for me.

First up, here's comes Nikki. And they put them in a helicopter AGAIN. Nikki has now been in a helicopter with Ben twice. Yawn. Holding hands and looking about the window talking about how great this is ensues. Granted the views were pretty wow. They land on a mountain top to picnic. Nikki chats a lot and Ben just squints and nods. One of my friends tweeted, "Ben you are so boring." Seriously, say something. Bring anything to the table, Ben. Hell, talk about wine? Whatever you've got! Finally there's some talk about how similar Ben and Nikki's dad's are. I find this hard to believe, but I don't "know" either of their dad's so I'm trying hard not to judge. pppppfffffftttttt. That's funny, all I'm doing in judging. I'll be honest- the whole dad comparison is some sad effort to make them feel some deep bond. It's not working for me. I don't think it's working for them. But Nikki is so freaking sweet, I would like this to work out for her. Go ahead and push the Dad thing, Nikki.

I hope the helicopter pilot packed a sack lunch because he had to sit there and wait for Ben and Nikki while they picnic and then he takes them to yet another mountain top. Was one really not enough?? This one is pretty small and is making me sort of nervous. No one better take a step backward. How long did they stay on that thing. Nikki goes into the whole analogy about how being in a relationship is just like standing atop of this tiny mountain. Sigh. Rolling my eyes.

Ben keeps saying how he can't stop smiling and this is one of the best days he's ever had and tries to say this is because of Nikki. PLEASE. Ben is on a fully paid for vacation in one of the world's most beautiful destinations. He is riding helicopters and day drinking. This day would be fun and smiley with Condoleezza Rice and definitely way more intellectually stimulating.

It's night time!!! Romantic dinner time!! They are in some sort of cabin. They talk about the dad thing again. Nikki tells him to tell her if she's being "too much". He says she's already "dropped the l-bomb, so she is fine". Nervous laughter. And then it hits me. They don't even know each other and she has told him she loves him and is asking him how many kids he wants. Are they even comfortable around each other? Uggg. This is weird and they are about to spend the night with each other. And duh, Nikki is not a virgin, (#divorced) sooooooo yeah. Of course, she chose to forego her individual room. She chose to forego all sanity. Hopefully they managed to have a real conversation somewhere in there. Oh and there's a tub in the fantasy suite. This is like a honeymoon. I'm uncomfortable. Cut to commercial...hurry.

Next, it's Lindzi's turn!!

sidenote: her name is Lindzi Cox. which is so weird because my best friends name is Lindsey Cox. How many are there?

Okay, so, I was tweeting during The Bachelor (yes, I am that person) and I couldn't even comment on this stupid rappelling activity they were doing. Remember what happened in Belieze when they had to jump out of the helicopter into the barrier reef?? Yes, yes, me too. Lindzi doesn't like heights. This is not even going to be climatic to see her "push through her fears", she's already done that. And then they kissed...blah blah. It's all happening again. Once more...yawn.

Ben comments how Lindzi is such a good sport, oh right, like she has a choice.

It really didn't look that scary once they were in those harness things and just had to let themselves down. But they really allow themselves a big pat on the back for getting through this. You adrenaline junkies, you! 

Ben keeps on throwing out that "he loves Lindzi!" Ummm, okay? Like "love as a friend" or "love love"?? He is just spitting it out like no big deal. He was definitely not saying that on Nikki's date/the best day of his life.

Dinner time, followed by hot tub time. Lindzi is really opening up. It's hard for her. She's said that on every single one on one. We completely get it. But, is she really opening up? How is she being open? By making out in the hot tub...I guess that proves it! The fantasy suite card is handed over and she is sure to state that "she wouldn't usually do this sort of thing"....

That's what all girls say before they agree to go home with a guy. It just is. Nice girls say that, slutty girls say that. That is what you say. So, Lindzi tried to look sweet and innocent, but she failed. We women see right through her!

Then she's wearing no pants...for "never doing this" the girl sure does have some MOVEZZZ in the bedroom.

"she's got legs, she knows how to use them!!"-zz top

Brace yourself, it's time for Courtney's date. 

They greet each other. Courtney's jacket is kind of cute, but I refuse to admit it. They get on a train. Why are trains supposed to be romantic. THEY'RE NOT. They are sterile and depressing and you get robbed on them. Yes, this has happened to me. Sorry for that trip down memory lane.

So, they are just being "normal" and getting stuff for a picnic. This is so normal! Robert and I do this every weekend. We actually drive thru Taco Cabana and eat it in front of the TV, but whatever.  Ben tells Courtney of the fun game he and his sister made up when they were little, "Hey, Cow!" Well, I want to play!! Did Ben grow up on a farm??! Courtney loses "Hey Cow". Another reason she sucks. Ben and her start to have a "come to Jesus" talk about how Courtney didn't get along with the other girls. Ben says he noticed times where she would "twist the knife" with the other girls and it would make it harder on him. So, he noticed that she is an evil witch, but he is just NOW bringing it up. I don't understand this at all. They don't want to ruin the moment on the countryside, so Ben says they can talk about it later. Later? Umm, when?! Talk about it now! 

you are still mean. even in the Alps. 

Courtney is bothering me that she is trying to be nice and remorseful. She is taking some blame for not getting along with the girls and saying she could have tried harder. Well, that might be the understatement of the century. I think she is getting nervy because she is realizing that this was filmed. And probably even more nervy because of karma. You reap what you sew, sister, and ye did not sew seeds of love. Her crying doesn't even make me feel for her. She's crying because she is afraid that she's been busted, not because she feels bad. It would NOT be fair if she actually found love, but the world is NOT a fair place, so this has a huge possibility of happening. ppppfffffffttttttttttt. 

It's dinnertime. And they dine and it's time to talk about "Courtney's issues with the women". Ben says he needs someone who will support him. Wait, what's the correlation there? They fumble through working it out. Ben just accepts the terrible BS Courtney gives him. Well, shoot, of course, he does, they need to dissolve this conflict before fantasy suite time! Court is all about it. They've already been naked together, this fantasy suite is like baby games! 

*I can't not mention the sneak peak of Emily Maynard as the next Bachelorette.* 

After she broke up with Brad, it was hard for her, but her life got back to normal. I guess, now she is ready to eff it all back up again and put herself through this. She is a cute, sweet gal. I would think that she would not have a tough time entering the dating world. Plus, she's only 25. I mean, just go sit at your local Starbucks and see what happens before you agree to do this TV dating/proposal thing. Maybe she just wants to go on lots of helicopter rides? Her daughter is super cute. I wonder if her daughter is thinking, "seriously, Mom?...again? I pretended I liked flying a kite with Brad, but how much more can I take?"

Emily flies to L.A. to shop and get some advice from Ali and Ashley, the two previous Bachelorettes. (Ali and Roberto broke up! Get her out of here!) Ali tells Emily to just be herself and "she is the Bachelorette for a reason". Yes, there is a divine reason that the universe has placed her as being the next Bachelorette. I wish Terrence Malick would have touched on that in "Tree of Life". 

They all put on the shortest tightest dresses possible and go to see Titanic in 3-D. (Well, Ali's isn't that tight, I suppose.) 

So, yes, Titanic it's a love story, but geeezzz, hasn't Emily been in enough tragedy in her life, don't make her sit through Jack drowning. 

And scene. p.s. Sadly, yes I want to watch her season. 

Back to Ben....and looks who came to Switzerland.......Kacie B.!!!!

(it showed it was her on the Jimmy Kimmel commercial. Robert and i caught that. no surprise for us. we were fully prepared. Ben was not and had to clutch his heart.)

Kacie B.'s hair seriously looked the best it did all season. Maybe she just wanted everyone to see how cute her hair can be, maybe she doesn't even care about closure from Ben? Nope, nope. She's shaking, she can't even form words to say to Ben. She's nervous, all those feelings swirling around. She should have just CALLED. No need to cross the Atlantic for this. She doesn't understand why Ben let her go. Hmm, has she blocked out the memory of your hometown date??!! Ben wants NO part in that scene going down in Tennessee. 

I know deep down she is wishing, hoping and praying he will tell her to come back. Poor little lamb. It's not going to happen. It's OVER, Kacie B. Frowny face.

This is hard for her to hear Ben's words of rejection. Again. But while she's here she might as well just be honest. Yes, you might as well. You didn't squeeze into those size 24 jeans for nothing. Kacie says that, Courtney is in this to win it...and Courtney actually said (GASP) "there are other fish in the sea".

That might have been the only smart and sane thing Courtney has said all season. There ARE other fish in the sea, Kacie B. repeat this to yourself over and over. 

Ben is totally thrown into a tailspin at this Courtney news. Just when they got things resolved. Now this?!? He needs time to gather himself, Kacie B. needs to go. She collapses in the hotel hallway after leaving that emotional confrontation. Does she not have a room she can lay down in? I guess not because she seems to be leaving the premises. Can she not be on the hotel grounds anymore?  See you at the Women Tell All Kacie B.!! 

Ben is still totally distraught. But, never fear, because Chris Harrison is here! Chris can tell Ben looks conflicted. I wonder how? His hair, which is getting worse by the episode? Ben needs some calming balm or maybe a HAIR CUT would be awesome. Frizzy hair=upset Ben. 

Ben tells Chris, Kacie B. came back. Something tells me Chris already knows that. Call me crazy. Ben put all his doubts about Courtney to rest and slept with her, then here comes Kacie B. with all these true statements to eff everything up. Now, Ben doesn't know what to do!! Ben finally declares that he's just going to go for what he feels in the moment. GREAT idea! Don't give this any REAL thought! Chris is supportive and is probably reminding himself he gets paid for this. He leaves Ben alone to stare at the pictures of the 3 remaining ladies. 

Rose ceremony time....Lindzi gets a rose. Three cheers for horses!! Nay!!  

It seemed like 3 hours passed by before Ben handed out the final rose. and Courtney gets it!!! Yep, Courtney...this is happening everyone!! Courtney is still #winning. Barf.

I tweeted that Nikki's hair was too curly and she was wearing a toga. I stick to that, but then I felt bad when she was sent home. No need to kick a girl when she's down. Nikki tells Ben she just wants him to be happy through her tears. In the limo she says she feels foolish, "I feel in love with him!" Yes, yes you did. But, look on the bright side, you got a free trip to Switzerland???

Next week...The Women Tell All......YES!!! I'm guessing it's going to be a big "I hate Courtney session" but, we'll see....

Friday, February 24, 2012

once more...continued...still meeting the parents

Hometown Numero Tres: Nikki in Texas

I love how they filmed this at the Stockyards in Fort Worth. It looks like Lonesome Dove. People love to think that this is what Texas really looks like. When I interned in New York and people found out that I lived in Texas they would ask me if people rode horses to work. They were kind of joking, but kind of for real. I broke it to them gently that there are cars, running water and civilization in Texas AND New Mexico. It was especially hard for them to swallow the New Mexico bit, but I assured them it was true. Anyway, prime time national broadcasts of Nikki and Ben in Texas in what looks like an old western town are not helping this stereotype. Nikki and Ben buying cowboy boots and cowboy hats does not help this stereotype either. People in Texas do not walk about pretending to be cowboys and cowgirls. I sort of wish we did sometimes, but unless you're trying to look cute for the rodeo, it's considered kind of weird.

So like I said they buy boots and hats. Now, we Texans (and New Mexicans) know that the good boots and hats are expensive. This is not a normal thing to do on a date, unless you are on a date with a real sugar daddy or sugar mama. I was wondering if these boots and hats were on loan or if ABC paid for them? Or if Ben really wanted them for himself and paid for them? It really doesn't matter and I don't know why I care or even allow myself to wonder this. They tromp around town in the hats and boots. They go to a bar. Nikki changes into a all sequin NYE top. What was wrong with the normal top she had on earlier? I guess it didn't fit this rhinestone cowboy theme they were going for?

Yee-haw!! This is fun!! Finally Nikki and Ben sit down in a scenic area to talk about her divorce for the 50th time and how weird it's going to be going to meet a girl's parents that have been divorced. Luckily, Ben is fresh of Kacie B.'s parents. Nikki doesn't even know how lucky she is! I mean her dad could be Tony Soprano and Ben would be relieved after the beating he got in Tennessee. Still, it's the unknown. Are Nikki's parents going to be super protective? How does this whole drill go when the girl has already been married?

They arrive at the house and Nikki's parents are divorced. I immediately feel like this is going to be FINE!! They are going to think potential hubby #2 is no big deal! Welcome to the family, Ben! I've never been relieved that anyone's parents are divorced before, but since Nikki's are, I think they will be more accepting of this whole thing.

Ben keeps saying how much he loves Texas. Which is great, but it's almost like when someone keeps saying something so much and with such gusto, you stop believing them or stop caring? One of the two.

Nikki and her mom head upstairs for a girl chat sesh. Nikki is like "Mom, I am falling in love with him." and Nikki's mom approves! She already likes him! That was quick! I wonder if she watched him on the show during Ashley's season or if she just needed that 5 minutes with him to totally approve of her daughter falling in love with this guy that's dating 3 other chicks. Nikki and her dad talk.  Nikki is a daddy's girl. Nikki's dad feels like he gave her hand away in marriage too quickly last time and that he's not going to do that this time. He should have questioned and "known" about her ex-husband and that it wouldn't have worked out. No one can see into the future, Nikki's dad, it's okay! The man is tearing up! Why are they just talking about this now is my question?? This man needs to talk! Oh well, better late than never.

So, after that, I think maybe Nikki's dad is going to sit down with Ben and ask him some scathing questions, but before I know it he's giving a toast basically welcoming him into the family. Even Nikki's little bro likes him! My gosh, this went so much better than Kacie B.'s hometown, you would have thought Kacie was fresh off a divorce? Nikki's family totally approves. They are about to box up her things and ship them to Sonoma!

Omg, I almost forgot, before Ben leaves, Nikki pulls Ben into that room upstairs where she and her mom got down to business and she just flat out tells Ben, "I'm in love with you." Ballsy! Someone had a lot of wine?! But, I think she was really feeling it and had to get it out there. Hey, you've got to live everyday like it's your last, right? Way to LIVE, Nikki! See you at the rose ceremony!

Nothing and I mean nothing could have prepared me for...

Hometown Date Numero Cuatro: Courtney in Arizona

cacti make me feel at home too

I've read that Ben went to ASU and I bet he felt very comfortable in this dessert like setting. The way Courtney acts you'd think she grew up in an orphanage or some really abusive home, but I'm seeing no signs of this so far. Courtney's parents kind of remind me of Elle Wood's parents in Legally Blonde. You remember Elle's dad..."Oh sweetheart, you don't need to go to law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things." Love that movie. Anyway, something about Courtney's dad's argyle sweater vest and Courtney's mom super face lifted face took me back to Elle's parents. (Elle. Like we are friends?) (Like she is a real person?)

They sit down to a meal. Everyone's enjoying their white wine. Courtney's sister asks something like if she's falling in love or if she's fallen??  Let's not get too technical here. Courtney's sister and Courtney sneak away in the pueblo to talk. Courtney says her sister knows her better than anyone. I just feel sorry for her sister. She is obligated to love her despite her being a black widow spider. It's a sister code thing. Courtney's dad tells Ben that "marriage is the biggest gamble of your life. and asks if he's ready to take that gamble??"

Robert and I agreed that marriage shouldn't feel like a gamble, but should feel more like a "sure thing". I guess Courtney's dad made a good gamble. He and the Mrs. are still together. Beginners luck?

Courtney and her mom talk. Courtney tells her mom that she looks pretty. Well, did you think your mom was just going to throw on sweats? It's pretty clear to me that Court's mom could be fresh off her third face lift. She's definitely a regular at the local Scottsdale plastic surgery clinic. My Granny (my hero) got a face lift and a tummy tuck. I'm not judging Court's mom. But, I think she could be a little young to go under the knife. My Granny was like 70 when she did it. *sidenote: for future reference...she said she would get five face lifts again before she got a tummy tuck. tummy tucks hurt.* Courtney's mom tells Courtney that she looks happy. Courtney says she is happy. That's weird because she cried and bitched during the entire last episode. Oh and she also treats everyone like ass. If this how Courtney is "happy", then I'm really scared for what "mad, sad or scared." would look like.

They leave her house and now they are going on their date that Courtney planned. This is crazy...they usually do the date thing pre-parents house, not post. Court is a smooth operator. She is going leave a lasting impression.

Little did I know how lasting it would be.

So they are eating again. Having a picnic. Are they even hungry? didn't they just eat? Court tells Ben this is where she did her first photo shoot. How nostalgic. She also says there are weddings here and that she has always seen herself getting married her. She also keeps using the word RUSTIC. If she said it one more time I was going to freak out. Does she even know what that means? Just because something is outdoors does not make it "rustic".

And look over there...there just happens to be a wedding set up! I think I know where this is heading, but I'm no, it surely can't be this is planned.... This is just a coincidence and Courtney didn't set this all up. They head on over there. My worst fear is realized. Courtney planned this thing. #dread #shock She pulls out a bow tie for Ben to wear. She pulls out journals for them to write vows. THIS IS SO WEIRD. Why is this happening??!! AHHHH THERE'S A "PREACHER"!! They read each other their vows!! Courtney says she is love. I was also informed later that some of Courtney's vows were taken from the Sex and the City movie. Of course they were. She loves cliches and generic phrases. It's all she speaks it. I can't believe how uncomfortable this is all getting. Yet, all the while, Ben thinks it's great! He loves it!

You know I thought Court's dress looked sort of bridal. All part of her MASTER plan.

After this whole faux wedding thing, she is definitely getting a rose.

almost married. no you are actually not. 

Rose ceremony time!!! This is not going to be fun.

I really didn't have a feel for who would be going home. I was thinking probably Nikki or Kacie B. Andddd it's Kacie B.!! I was still surprised even though I was pretty sure that there was no recovering from that hometown. Kacie and Ben sit down and talk on a bench. She is crying. :(

She gets in the limo and the crying begins to become hysteria  "What the ____ happened??! What the ______ happened??", Kacie B. bawls. Her conservative non-drinking parents will LOVE that. F%$# coming out of their little daughter's mouth.

I'll tell you what the eff happened Kacie B., your mom and dad freaked out Ben and the rest of America.

Really though, I think she's better off. The way Ben and Cout are together are really starting to make me nervy and Kacie does not want to loose to Courtney. Evil should not triumph over good as it is during this season of The Bachelor.

Next week.........they're going to SWITZERLAND!!! I was waiting for Courtney to exclaim that she'd been there in the last 6 months, but she didn't say a peep! Shocking, she loves to be a buzzkill!

Until then....

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

.....continued...let's meet the parents

Hometown Numero Uno: Lindzi in Florida

Is anyone surprised what there are LOTS of in this hometown date? No. Me either, not surprised at all. Of course a hometown date with Lindzi=Horses. So many horses. Lindzi rides up on a horse. They ride a horse carriage thing to her house. They have a horse carriage race with her parents. HORSES!! #horseseverywhere Lindzi says horses have been a part of her life before she was born. What does that even mean? I suppose my unborn child will be able to say that "easy mac was a part of his life before he was born". pppfffftttt. Ben admits he's not too familiar with horses. (Yes, Ben, we remember your riding skills in Park City.) So after they fiddle with the horse, they sit down to have a picnic and to talk.

Lindzi tells Ben about her last serious relationship and...drummmmmrolllll.... they lived together. Well, Ben had no idea! Maybe he was like me and hoping and praying this isn't the guy who broke up with her via text message. She never clarified that, but that's the only other relationship she's talked about? She tells him how heartbroken it left her. Breaking up is hard to do. :( Ben is so glad she's letting her walls down and now understands why she has walls up. Is this is remodeling show? All this talk of walls! Ha. That was not funny. Lindzi says "vulnerable" is a BIG word for her. It is for anyone really. It can be 3 or 4 syllables depending on how you say it. Ha. And again, not funny.

They ride on to meet the parents. These parents are genius. They don't have the cameras come inside their house, they just chill outside the whole time. I mean, Lindzi's mom didn't even have to vacuum! Everything is going swell with them. They tell them about all the places they've been. Ben and Lindzi tell her parents that they went on their first date in San Francisco. Well, isn't that a coincidence, Lindzi's parents got married in San Francisco! Ben and Lindzi tell them they had a private concert in the city hall there. Well, that's were Lindzi's parents got the city hall! Lindzi acts like this is completely NEW news to her. I'm so bewildered. Did she not know where her parents got married? I mean, that's just one of those things you know about your parents, right? Call me old fashioned....

Ben talks with Lindzi's mom asks her if she thinks Lindz is ready for a serious relationship after the dramatic heartbreak of the last one.She thinks she is. Great news! Ben talks with Lindzi's dad, Harry, (I like Harry), he asks Harry if he were to propose what he would say. Harry is all about it! Lindzi is their only daughter and whole family. #awwww. I mean, besides the horses, that is.

Things go great at Lindzi's. Success for Hometown #1. Lindzi is definitely still in this to win it.

Hometown Date Numero Dos: Kacie B. in Tennessee

Ben shows up at a high school football stadium. (Stratford High Schoool Home of the Spartans...I have to mention that because that was Robert's high school's name and mascot...shout out!) And what is going on here?? There's a marching band!! And is that Kacie B. twirling her baton in the middle of it?? To my horror, it was. What on earth is she doing??

oh dear. Michelle Obama needs to take her weight loss program to Clarksville, Tennessee. Bless the white flag girls heart. 

That was just painful and weird. I mean, okay, okay it was sort of cute. But mostly, I just wanted to say, "let it go, Kacie B. the twirling days are over." The activity we did in high school does not say that much about us now and it's time to move on. And really is there nothing cooler to do in your hometown? 

Ben and Kacie pow-wow in the stands at the football stadium. Kacie tells Ben this stadium was named after her granddad and about the strong love her grandma and granddad shared. She uses this as evidence that she has had great examples of strong love in her life and that's what she wants. Ben has to cork a bottle of wine at this point. I wonder how many bottles of wine have been drunk on this season so far? I wonder if they are using only wines from Ben's winery?? Hmm. Kacie B. starts talking about her family. Ben starts to squirm uncomfortably. Kacie B.'s dad doesn't drink. This concept is pretty foreign to ol' Ben. He says "his business is booze", he is not sure how this is going to go. Yeah, forecast does not look so sunny, I'd say.

They arrive at casa de Kacie B. Did Ben seriously bring them a bottle of wine??? I mean, these people don't drink. Ben must have heard this, but not really "heard" it. 

Sort of like me telling my dad that I'm a vegetarian. He just doesn't hear it.

my sister: Dad, Alexis doesn't eat meat.
my dad: Okay. Does she want a t-bone or a rib-eye? 

Everyone sits down to dinner. Kacie B.'s mom said they have REALLY missed Kacie. They are a close family. Read between the lines Ben, you are effing up this tight knit family. Kacie and her sis talk. How cute is her sis! They discuss how her dad doesn't take risks. Well, he's a dad, Kacie B., he can't really run off and join the circus. 

Ben and Kacie's dad talk. It could have gone worse, but I'm not sure how. It's so serious. Kacie B.'s dad tells Ben how serious marriage is. I just frown looking at Kacie B.'s dad, I'm not sure if this man has any joy in his heart :(. Then Ben talks to Kacie B.'s mom. It's equally terrible. She lets Ben know that she does not approve of this whole "living together thing" that other couples that have been on the Bachelor do. She's watched the show and she knows how this drill goes. Well, okay, then! Nice to meet you too! That was fun! 

I think this whole meeting might have been the dealbreaker for Kacie B. and it's really a shame because I felt like they had the most chemistry from the start. But, it's safe to say no one wants to join this family after last night's episode. 

while taking a sigh of relief that this was over, I wonder what Ben thought of the all green canvas they had displayed? Modern art at casa de Kacie B.

Will post the rest of the recap asap... sorry for the inconsistent posting schedule. There are no rules on ppppffffftttttt. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Episodes 7&8 or more commonly referred to as Belize and Hometowns

Journey, if you will, back to a simpler time....before the families were involved....before Emily and Rachel went home...before life became complicated....journey back to the third world country of.....Belize

If I recall correctly, Ben really likes designer wife beaters in this episode. It's not okay. A wife beater alone is pretty gross, but something about a wife beater with textured stripes and a small pocket is even sadder. They all arrive...yadda yadda one can believe it's the week leading up to hometowns. The girls arrive at their suite thing and Chris Harrison shows up to brief them on the upcoming week. (All I can think is how Chris Harrison has the best job ever. Dude is just chilling in Belize all week and all he has to do in exchange is give a 5 minute explanation about date cards. I mean, if the girls haven't caught onto this concept yet, heaven seriously help them.)

Nikki is already crying? Courtney is make threats and hostile comments. This is going to be a long one isn't it?

First one on one goes to.....Lindzi! (horse girl and first impression rose winner.)

And just what are they doing, well riding a helicopter of course!! Does this show own their own helicopters? They should think about investing in that. Chris Harrison could take it to "work" when they're not using it for dates. So, we see aerial footage of Belize. Gorgeous! Ben comments on how Lindzi is being so easy does she do it?! Laid back city is where Lindzi lives. Doesn't Ben know that everyone is easy- going on vacation. Seriously, everyone. I'm family members with high strung individuals that can manage to be laid back on vacation. I digress...

Ben springs it on her that they have to jump from the helicopter into the ocean in the middle of a barrier reef. Isn't that a fun surprise?! NO. Couldn't Ben have shared that with her before the joy ride began? That might have been polite. Lindzi is scared of heights, which I'm beginning to think is a requirement to be a contestant on this show, and she is not sure about this whole jumping off bit. But, somewhere deep inside she finds the strength to jump. That or she just realizes that she has no choice since this is going on TV. They jump...the falling in love metaphor ensues. "If they can do this together, they can do anything."

I really can't figure out how I came to the decision that Robert is the right guy for me without jumping out of a helicopter with him. Mind boggling.

Onto the nighttime portion of the date. Ben is looking for Lindzi to open up. Lindzi wants to open up but she's scared. She's also doing this weird thing with her head and neck. That cannot be the natural way she holds her head. There has to be effort there. Maybe if she could just relax and not worry about holding her head that way, she could concentrate on telling Ben how she feels. Finally it comes, Lindzi tells Ben she wants him to meet her family. Wait, is that all she had to say?  My gosh, child, get a therapist, that is not hard to choke out, especially if you want that effing rose. I tell strangers that I want them to meet my parents. Maybe I need a therapist. Well, I already have one...nevermind!

Then Ben tells Lindzi they are going to write "their fairytale" and put it in a bottle...message is a bottle. Fairytale?! I'd hardly call the series of strained convos that they've endured a fairytale. ppppfffftttttt. I'm sending out an SOS and this is PAINFUL. Please stop writing this. They even draw a picture on the other side of the paper. They roll it up and put it in one of those huge magnum wine bottles that you can get at the grocery for $8. We see a shot of the bottle floating in the ocean. I'm guessing that it will be picked up in the next 8 hours and thrown away, it didn't seem to be floating anywhere. This is not one of those cool things where someone will find that bottle in 50 years and wonder about the couple that wrote it and how madly in love they were. You know, what romantic comedies are made of. This is NOT one of those things. And Ben and Lindzi are NOT madly in love. They maybe lukewarm like each other. Maybe. Sidenote: Lindzi wears too much make-up and needs to die her hair dark. Yes, I said it.

Meanwhile...back in the suite. Emily is going on the next one on one. Courtney cries about it. This is so hard for her. Concentration camp hard. Help this woman. pppppfffffffttttttttt.

And here we go with Emily!

You know, I started to like her on this date. She and Ben had a fun time together. Just roaming through the village. They bike...they play basketball. So active right now! She said she felt like she was on vacation with her boyfriend. Well, great, that's the point of this thing, right? They spontaneously come upon a lobster fisherman and decide to fish for lobsters to eat that night for dinner!

SO spontaneous! If that wasn't planned, I will eat my shoe.

So they lobster fish, which sort of looked cool, but sort of freaked me out. I think I prefer New England lobsters. Those looked a little mutated or something? Oh well...when in Rome...

We all know Ben and Emily have had their ups and downs. (ha. I sound like they've been in this tumultuous a year relationship....) but this day is an just can't be going any better. They are really focusing on "their" relationship and the word Courtney doesn't come up....oh but then it does! But, it seems to be fine, they are having fun. Ben tells Emily that she's smart. Does he just feel obligated to say that because she is getting her PhD in something? Has he seen any real evidence that she is smart? Idk. But, I thought Ben was feeling Emily and that she'd definitely get a rose and we'd be headed to her hometown.

But, I'm wrong about nearly everything. So, yeah, we all know Emily goes home sans Ben. She told in an interview last week that she was glad and she really didn't know the real Ben. YES, EXACTLY. This is a television show. Maybe there is hope for this doctor to be. Maybe she'll try again and not be matched with her brother? We'll see you at the Women Tell All, Emily.

And then we learn, Courtney gets the next one on one. Well, thank the Lawd! She was maybe NOT going to accept the rose if she didn't get a one on one. Gasp!

This, along with Courtney's other off-handed comments, causes the women to begin openly hating her. It's about time. Emily has been caring this torch alone and they all know she's awful. Call a spaid, a spaid, ladies. Or whatever that saying is. Kacie B. even starts cussing...F bombs! Also, it must be pointed out that I called Courtney "The Black Widow Spider" in a previous post and Kacie B. calls her that in this episode. I feel so validated as a blogger now. ha. jk. I don't really see that ever happening.

Anywayyyyy....Courtney's one on one. She is talking about how the spark is gone with Ben. She's not sure if she can get it back. She tells Ben she's not one to unload her feelings, but she needs to get this out. Why is Ben not running?? Why is Ben not sending her home right now?? But, Courtney's reverse psychology is working like a charm. Ben loves it. He loves it and he loves this Mayan temple they are climbing up. Courtney says with each step she felt all the drama and the stress melting away and by the top...the spark was back with Ben! Just like that! I wonder how many divorces could be resolved through this same exercise?

Ben says he feels close to his Dad at the top of the temple and all Courtney says is, "Awww" in this whiny voice. Seriously? Say something else. ANYTHING else. That is a pretty intimate thing for him to tell her, right?! But, Ben is great with Courtney's response, proving to people everywhere that  looks are everything.

And it's dinner time....more red flags for Ben that he chooses to blatantly ignore. Courtney brings up the other women in the house and says they don't get along and calls them boring. Ouch. Ben asks if she has friends back home and she said something like, "Yes, a lot! Well a lot of guy friends." Meaning, no, she has no friends. Ben tells the confessional later that he doesn't want to be with someone that other people don't get along with. Well, Ben it's happening right before your eyes. Right this second. You are with someone that no body likes. Mother Teresa wouldn't even like Courtney.

Group date time! Nikki, Kacie B. and Rachel. All 3 girls are getting serious about this rose. A rose means Ben is going to meet your family. Ahhhh! But, even with that stress they are extremely relieved that Courtney isn't on the date. Woooo....let's drink and be on a boat!

And what are they doing...snorkeling with the sharks! WHY...really why are they doing this? Unless you are an underwater photographer for National Geographic I don't really see the point. Rachel has a shark phobia. So Ben is giving her lots of extra attention. I wish they would have played the Jaws music. This whole "Rachel needs attention thing" annoys the hell out of Kacie B. Ben is basically with Rachel the whole time, but really, it's not like there is major bonding going on here. a. It's Rachel b. they are snorkeling, there is little talking involved. Everyone is over the snorkeling in about 20 minutes because really that's about the snorkeling threshold. You poke your head underwater, think "wow! look at that! hmm neat!" and then you're ready to get back on the boat.

Pool time and cocktails! Ben and Rachel talk. I can't remember about what. Obviously, there is nothing there. Ben and Kacie B. talk...Kacie tells Ben she's falling in LOVE with him. Whoa there! Nikki tells Ben she wants to take him home and reminds us that the last time she took a guy home she married him. Yes, Nikki, you're divorced, we all remember. Kacie B. gets the rose for being so "open". I'm sure the other girls are thinking, "Well, you sneaky bitch, Kacie B.! What did you say?" Then the convo between Ben and the ladies takes a turn from awkward to serious when the girls semi-warn Ben that Courtney might not be there for the right reasons. I think he drones out those words so that they sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown. Ben is already under Courtney's evil spell, it's too late to save him.

Rose ceremony. Everyone is tense except for Courtney. I think maybe she got some marijuana from one of the maids or something. She is so strange.  She is having a love affair with her pina colada. Okay?? Here comes Chris...anddddd there's not cocktail party. Well, shoot, no last ditch efforts a la Jamie to get Ben to pick them. Nope not this time. Ben knows what he wants to do. It begins. He pulls Courtney over to "talk". The other girls think this might be it! Ben has seen the light and Courtney is going home!! But, Nikki brings us all back to reality and says she thinks there is a 50/50 chance. Maybe Nikki does get men more than we think? That failed marriage thing is coming in handy! Because deep down we all know Ben is not sending Courtney, the model, home. He asks Courtney about her intentions...she tells him some generic answer and we all know that's all he needs. Courtney gets the rose. Rachel goes home. Emily goes home. They both didn't make too big of a scene. Clearly, this gentleman does not prefer blondes.

Emily did have some awesome facial expressions. Way to go out with a bang, I say. 

and now to my favorite episode of the season....HOMETOWNS!!! I'll just post this lengthy post now though, just to break it up...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Belize y Ben

I haven't forgotten about Monday night's episode. I've just been busy at work doing things far too depressing to share. I might have to do a dual recap of this Monday and next Monday's episodes next week, but I'll try to get up the recap Belieze asap! Tragically, I actually like doing them? How do these pro bloggers get the recaps up so quickly? Maybe they stay up past 10 and get up before 8:30...hmmm, I'll have to think about that.

she makes me think the apocalypse could be coming 

Monday, February 13, 2012


I don't think you can be a girl in my generation and not have Whitney Houston memories. Mine began pretty early in the car with my mom. We loved Whitney. We loved her voice. We loved her songs. She could do no wrong. How Will I Know? I Wanna Dance with Somebody. Greatest Love of All. Didn't we Almost Have it All. Etc. Then there was The Bodyguard. Queen of the Night. I Will Always Love You. The whole soundtrack was great. Of course it was WHITNEY. In 8th grade in choir we sang "I'm your Baby Tonight" as a tribute to the 90's. Which is so weird in retrospect, but I will forever know every word to that song.

But, I have to admit that Whitney's hit that has left the most impact on me is "How Will I Know- Junior Vasquez Remix". Special thanks to my dance teacher for bringing it into my life during my senior year of high school. I LOVED THIS SONG. I know, I're thinking..."really a remix?" Yes, a remix. It's life changing. I was in dance and our homecoming dance our senior year was to this song. Meaning we preformed this number in front of the entire high school at the homecoming assembly and then during half time at the homecoming game and again at our end of the year recital. I don't think I was the only one on our dance team that was crazy obsessed with this dance and this song. We all loved it and had so much fun dancing to it. It was the best memory to have with all of the senior girls that I had grown up dancing with. It was the perfect way to cap off my dancing days.

My memories with that song didn't stop in high school. I had this song on my Napster or Limewire or something like that on my computer in the dorms. So, freshmen year, I played it for Cox, my roommate who became one of my very best friends, and she was automatically crazy about it and we listened to it on repeat A LOT.( Not as much as Enrique Iglesias, which our suitemates, asked us to stop playing. Uggg. They were so not fun. We were making up a dance....hello?!) Anyway, it became of one of those songs that we always listened to while getting ready and would joke that we were going to play it at our weddings. I think this song spread to our whole group of friends, by the time we graduated college, we all had it on at least one burnt cd.

When I moved to Dallas after college, the song still popped up every now and then and did it's magic to make everyone happy and forget about our current issues and remind us of a simpler time in the 80s when Whitney ruled the pop charts. In 2009 at my bachelorette party, the most excellent hostess and party planner there is, Ande, burned cd's for all the attendees of the party and "How Will I Know Junior Vasquez Remix" was on there. When I was emailing the dj for my wedding, I told him I HAD to have that song play at the wedding. He said that was no problem. And so Whitney was with me on my wedding day and helped create one of my all time favorite memories of my friends and I dancing ferociously to that song.

Wedding reception. Me, the girls and Whitney. I think this is when I started sweating and the pictures take a turn to scary

Please ignore that weird graphic. Just listen to the song. ha.

So, to say that I'm sad about her passing is pretty obvious. It sounds a little silly, but her music was a part of my life, I grew up with it and her and the fact that she's gone feels wrong. I'm sad about her hard times and I'm sad that her life ended so soon. She really had a beautiful gift and knowing her music and her voice will continue to touch people makes me happy. But, it's all still just sad.

The world is a broken place and we are all broken people trying to figure it out. Though Whitney seeming had everything...wealth, fame...she couldn't escape that. None of us can. God keeps pursuing us, He keeps loving us no matter what and I'm thankful for that. I'm also thankful He gave the world Whitney Houston to marvel at that voice and know that it could only be a gift from God.

Friday, February 10, 2012

new words/phrases/things

No wonder becoming a mother completely transforms you. And I'm not talking about all the love you feel for your child. I'm just talking about the stuff. You find yourself saying all these new words and caring about all of the new things that you never really new existed. Well, I guess you always knew they existed, so it's not exactly new, but before now, it never really mattered. Now, it matters. I guess this started for me when I started registering for baby things. Trust me, I am very grateful to be registering and that people out there want to have showers to celebrate this exciting new thing of parenthood that is happening to us. To have friends and family that want to shower Baby Scarff with baby stuff and love makes me want to burst with gratitude. But, all this new stuff throws you into this whole new world. It's a little overwhelming at first. I'm done being overwhelmed now, but for a while I was reluctant to be totally into all these new words, things and stuff that I was having to deal with.

New things in my vocab and on my mind
-car seats
-breast pumps
-crib mattress
-crib bumpers/bed skirts
-towel wraps
-video monitors
-how i really need to read Baby Wise

the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, it's fun for the most part. But, if I stop for a minute I realize that a year ago, I never thought I'd be wondering, "did i register for the right stroller?", "should i read another review on that car seat?", "did i register for too many bibs?", "is the high chair i registered for too expensive? but does it matter because the pack and play i registered for is on the cheaper end?" I start to feel a little I seriously stressed out about a pack and play and a high chair? I feel even more crazy when I've changed the brand of car seat that I've registered for 3 times. And even more crazy when I wonder if all of these things are really necessary? so many THINGS.

I remind myself that a. nobody cares. They don't care if I register for the Fisher Price Lamb swing. and b. the baby really won't care, so I don't need to worry. All the baby will benefit from is love, not the shade of beige his bedding is going to be or if I registered for the right infant bath thing.

So, all that being said, I thought I'd announce that Robert and I are official owners of a crib. A step into acceptance of all of these changes and new words. I can't lie, a weird sentence to say, "I own a crib." But, we do. I got it off this website that I found through this wonderful blog. (the website) has a great range of crib choices and after much debate and emails between Jamie and Robert, we went with this one...

Sorry about the ghetto picture quality. I took a pic off of my computer to text my mom and sister. 

Robert put it together last night and here she is! 

The crib is in it's home. In 3 months hopefully there will be a baby sleeping in that thing. Meaning in 3 months Robert and I will be a Mom and a Dad? That's so real right now. TGIF everyone. 

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Longest recap ever...continued

Whew, hope you all enjoyed those typos in the last post! I was writing that post off an on all day yesterday while pretending to work. I had to hustle at the end of the day because there was some important mail I had to take. It wasn't important, it was my boss's personal bills. So, I didn't get a chance to re-read the post and I knew it was going to be scary. Some of my favorite typo highlights include:

-Calling Chris Harrison, "Christ". It's really not all that far off. Christ gives us access to the Father and came to earth to remind us what life is truly about. Chris Harrison gives us access to the knowledge of "the final rose" and is on this show to remind us that this IS A SHOW with a host and that is him.
-Saying that Emily was making a reference to the "chief of stuff" when I meant to say "chief of staff". I guess the chief of staff could be the chief of stuff too?
-calling Emily, Courtney. Basically the sentence stated that Courtney apologized to Courtney. Courtney is weird, but not that weird. I don't think....

Okay, that covers the highlights. I went back and corrected them. May they rest in peace.

Okay, let's wrap this up!

CASEY S. LOVES MICHAEL. Well, that poses a problem because she is suppose to be falling in love/borderline OCD obsessed with Ben to make this process work. She admits to Chris Harrison that actually, just last night, she realized that she still has feelings for Michael. Chris is like, "I think we need to go tell Ben." Casey is cool, calm and collected and agrees. I feel like Chris is her parole officer or something. Why does he have to be in the room while she tells Ben about Michael? But, it makes it more dramatic, so that's fun. Ben is surprised to see Casey, Chris and the camera crew. They sit down and Casey tries to explain why she's there and her complex relationship with Michael. She still has feelings for him and doesn't want to and wishes she could fall for someone like Ben. She manages to glaze over the fact that she and Michael were pretty much in a relationship when she came on the show. Ben is like, "well, this is why you can't open up." Please. Ben, you've talked to Casey S. like 3 times, what on earth do you expect? Ben thinks she should leave, she agrees. They hug. This is going pretty smoothly. Then they exit Ben's hotel room and the floodgates open. Chris becomes Christ and is carrying Casey through this rough patch. He is the shoulder she cries on. He is there with comforting words. Thank you God for this man. Casey is upset because she loves Michael, but it's not like she can BE with him...he doesn't want to marry her!!

Crying and more crying. It's not pretty. It was sad. I thought Blakely's melt-down was totally going to be the heavy moment of the show, but now it's definitely a toss-up. And WHO is this Michael character and why won't he marry Casey??!! It's making me mad. He needs help. I hope Casey moves on and finds someone better than Michael or even Ben. There are a lot of fish in the sea and you look cute is a faded denim jump suit so I think you have a lot going for you, Case! Oh and did she get in the cab barefoot? Because she was barefoot in Ben's room! Give her some shoes, ABC! And did she get to pack her bags? Someone pack Casey's bags! I will be hoping to check in on her on the "Women Tell All". 

Well, that's over. Now, we just have one Kacie, but I'm sure they will still call her Kacie B. 

Rose ceremony time! 

It really wasn't too eventful except for Jamie. I can't scarcely talk about it. It was devastating to see what she  thought she had to do to get Ben's attention. Is this what it's come to? Women think they literally have to throw themselves at men??

Fathers everywhere are weeping

I don't think this is what society as a whole has come to. I think it's maybe what Jamie thought she had to do to "stay in the game". Regardless, it's horrific. And this was definitely the heaviest moment of the show. Not Blakely, not Casey S., but Jamie straddling Ben. #HELP

She also told him she thought about things she wanted to do with him in her bed a night. I cringe! I die! STOP PLEASE. And then they were talking about how to kiss each other. It went from bad to worse to kill me please so quickly. The thing is, I don't think Jamie is slutty/desperate in real life. She is probably a pretty sweet gal. But, this show has this tendency to bring out the worst in people and this could be Jamie's rock bottom. No where to go but up, Jamie, hold that head up!

Next week......we're going to BELIZE!!!! YOU BETTER BELIZE IT!!! I've been there and I bought a shirt that says that.  I think Courtney is going down for questioning in the next episode, but you know, I don't think she'll go home?? Ben digs that black widow spider model! 

Over and out!!! 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Longest recap ever and not even done....

Panama City. If that doesn't scream for a good time I'm not sure what does. (sarcastic tone). When they showed the resort and city I couldn't help feeling depressed. The pool was empty, it was overcast and the water was brown. This city does not want to make me find love. It makes me want to get a refund and head back to the states.

(My gosh, I'm negative. Sorry, zero energy right now, folks. Damn you pregnancy. I tend to be more up-beat when I can hold my eyes all the way open. Don't worry. I'll push through. It's all worth it. A low energy Bachelor post is a small sacrifice to pay for a baby.)

SO. Anyway, back to Episode 6. One on one date time with Kacie B. You may recall that she got the first one on one in Ben's hometown of Sonoma. Or is his hometown San Francisco? Did anyone else catch that he claimed both? You can't do that. I'm from Carlsbad. So when I visit Santa Fe, I don't give people the illusion that I'm from Santa Fe. I stay real with Carlsbad. Even though Santa Fe is cooler. If I was Ben's friend, I might advise Ben to "stay real." with where ever he's from. Alas, I am not Ben's friend. Good thing because I might have talked him into NOT being on this show and then WHAT would I be blogging about now?

side note: Robert has told me that I don't used the "strike-through" correctly. ppppffffftttt. there is no correct way to use to strike-through. it's not covered in The Elements of Style. it's a weird thing people that blog use and I will strike through whatever I want to strike through. but, I will accept all of your other helpful grammar tips with maturity and humility, honey. 

Kacie B. Back to you. Things seem to be getting pretty, pretty serious between her and B-money. Second one on one when Blakely hasn't had a single one on one? Shoot, count your blessings, sister Kacie B. And time with Ben=blessings. It's in the Bible.

I don't know if anyone remembers her mentioning this 80 times, but this has been hard on her because their first date felt like SO long ago and those deep feelings developed SO early. Emotional roller coaster for baton twirling Kacie B. Good thing she is getting some affirmation in Panama City. She says she wasn't nervous for the first one. #liar But, now she's nervous. The date card says to bring "3 items". hmmm. What is this....a scavenger hunt?

So, with this second one on one and things going to the "next level" Ben is questioning if they will "run out of things to talk about." Valid concern since they basically have nothing in common besides an olive skin color. I was on the edge of my seat to see if this would be the most boring date in Bachelor history. But how can it be boring when you start out with a helicopter ride and Kacie B. wearing next to nothing? Those shorts...that half little there! The helicopter takes them to a deserted island. I was waiting for one of them to start cracking LOST jokes, but it seems neither one had watched the best show ever. That's good because if one had and the other hadn't...they would have been on totally different pages all day. You don't want to be reminiscing about Sayid, Sun, Shannon, Jin, Boone and "The Others" when the other person just doesn't get it. When Robert and I first started dating everything was perfect except he hadn't watched LOST and I couldn't discuss it with him. Somehow we made it over that hurdle and our relationship flourished. #truelove

They are on the island and are acting as if they have to "survive". They show each other their items that they were required to bring. Ben's items were totally picked by an ABC intern. A fishing net...a knife? Okay we are onto this date's "theme". I can't believe they actually caught a fish and ate it. And then did they eat that coconut? I bet that wasn't even good. Where did they get the champagne?? That wasn't one of the "items". Cheaters! But, they seem to be getting along and there are no awkward moments. They are just having fun doing all these fake survival activities. Ben says something like, "I love how Kacie B. just goes with the flow." Oh what is she going to do? Throw a fit about being on an island all day? I don't think so. She's an administrative assistant. She's just glad to be out of her cubical.

Onto dinner! Things are going to need to get deeper here. Nothing was revealed on the island. No bad death of a family member. What is 24 year old Kacie B. going to tell Ben that is really going to "let him in"? Drunk stories from college? She's got to have some kind of skeleton in her closet. Reach DEEP, girlfriend, there is a rose on the line. And then it comes.....Kacie B. struggled with an eating disorder in high school. Actually two eating disorders... anorexia and bulimia or some used the combined term bulimarexia. Yes, sadly, that is a real word.

Okay, so I don't take eating disorders lightly. They are real and sad diseases and I feel for anyone that has gone through any sort of bout with them. I personally have best friends that have gone through it. But let's look at Kacie B. What is she like 90 pounds soaking wet? I'm not exactly sure that she struggled, as in "e-d", past tense, there could be some struggling, as in "i-n-g" present tense. That girl is tiny!! BUT, she could have been "born that way" and eats all her 1200 calories a day and I really need to shut up. Did anyone feel that is was ironic that her parents caught her in high school on Super Bowl Sunday and it was just Super Bowl Sunday? Poor Kacie B. being caught throwing up Super Bowl food. Queso? Pizza? uggg. Nevermind, why am i picturing this?

sidenote: I went to the doctor and I've gained 40 pounds throughout my pregnancy so far. (oink oink) So, I'm probably NOT in the best place to discuss this stuff . Plus, I'm definitely jealous of Kacie B.'s little 24 year old bod frolicking on the deserted island. ppppfffffttttt

Back to the one on one....of course, after hearing about Kacie B.'s courageous fight, Ben gives her the rose and they make out. I'm predicting she's in the final two. That's right, you heard it here.

Also, I'm kind of surprised that she might be the first in Bachelor history to talk about an eating disorder. I've lived in a sorority house and I'd say 8 out of 10 of us had some sort of body image/eating issue at the time. So, with these Bachelor contestants being a group of far more unstable women than my sisters, it has to be a good 10 out of 10 has struggled at some point. But, Kacie B. has stood up and said it aloud and can be an inspiration to all of those young women trying to be as skinny as she is. ha. We are all just not her body type ladies, come to terms with it.

Group Date Time!!!

Sh*t always gets weird at these, but it's about to get ever weirder because of what they are doing. Is this ALL there is to do in Panama City? They couldn't come up with anything else other than going to a remote village untouched by society, but now tragically getting invaded by an ABC production crew? Did ABC pay the village for this? Do you think they bartered like corn and beans to get to film there?

So they approach the island and they see little boys in loin cloths kicking around a soccer ball. Well, this isn't something you see everyday! How quaint! They are then welcomed into the village and asked to change of course. Let's REALLY get into the village mode. 

Courtney. Where do I even start with her. She really gave an all out rock star performance on the group date. She just keeps topping herself. Just when I think she cannot get any worse...SHE DOES!!! She decides to really get into village mode and wear the see-through beaded top. Just that top, NOT her bathing suit underneath. It's so old. I mean, you've already shown Ben, the goods. I guess it's not enough and she has to show the other girls too. The others are pretty mortified at her behavior. Nikki says, "I would never do that." Nobody would except insecure Courtney, Nikki. Be strong and try not to look at her nipples. HOW AWK.

Even more awk when they start dancing and Court is just bouncing around Ben. Ben loves it! Ugg. He just can't stop thinking with his penis. 

Also, I hate to point it out, but Ben was looking pretty pudge in that loin cloth. The loin cloth does NOT hide anything. But he's having fun and who cares, right?!

I was highly entertained that every shot of Courtney had to blur out her boobs. Once, I watched a "Behind the Scenes Real World" or something like that and I remember them saying how expensive it was to blur out body parts. Courtney's antics, while great for ratings, might have been a little pricey!!!


Finally it's nighttime and the girls can stop pretending that they care about learning about culture and the village and can just do what they do best: sit by the pool in dresses and bikinis and drink cocktails. And we see Jamie speak for the first time ever!! She has a voice! Ursala didn't take it! (Litter Mermaid reference) Jamie has decided that she needs to get more aggressive and just tell Ben how she feels and maybe even just kiss him! Well, where have you been, Jamie?! I notice she has glitter eye make-up on and I lose all respect for her immediately and know that she is definitely going home. Plus, her outfit of hot pants and gold halter top were just trying SO hard. 

Jamie calls Ben over to a private area to talk about how she feels, which is hard for her. Btw, is talking about how one feels hard for EVERY ONE? Every freaking girl has said that. Can someone just be okay with telling someone how they feel? Geez. Jamie is boring Ben to tears when who should come splashing around in the background, but sexual Courtney? Not distracting at all when a model is splashing around in her white bikini in the background. Not at all. I thought the sluttiest thing she was going to do on this episode was wear that see-through top.  But, no, she made a fool out of me because this might be a hair sluttier and definitely just meaner. Jamie is annoyed, but like she can compete. 

this pic is fantastic. hahaha. Courtney, you b.

But, if I'm honest, I have to say that I think I would rather watch Courtney swim then talk to Jamie. Sorry, I'm not sorry. Jamie, lock it up. They don't kiss. I'm relieved. I think Ben is relieved. 

Ben steals some one on one time with Lindzi during this date.Why is Lindzi's skin orange? Bad self-tanner? Not sure. 

They smooch. Ben tells her how laid back she is. Lindzi tells him she doesn't believe in fighting. They reference her being in "dumpsville" or "splitville" or something from the painful break-up text she got from her ex. Robert pointed out this weird thing she does with her head. But, Ben is feeling her and she gets the group date rose. 

Ben and Courtney get some one on one time in this cool chair. That's the first thing I've wanted to do in Panama City! I would sit in that cool chair if I went there. Anyway, I don't even remember what they talked about but Courtney's confidence was flying high per usual. She even hinted that he should come get her in her room for some "alone time". ppppffffffttttttt

Oh and then one on one time with Emily went down too! She tells Ben some joke about how there is another man in her life...."the chief"? I thought it was a reference to back home and the chief of staff because she's getting her Phd in something, but Robert thought she was talking about the chief of the village. I'm guessing he's right. Ben thinks Emily is SO funny for telling that joke. Oh Ben and his low low standards. Emily finally manages to have a good conversation with Ben and not bash Courtney and I think they both feel good about it. 

Emily goes back to the girls and is in such a good place that she decides to apologize to Courtney for misjudging her. This is great! Let's all just be friends and gather 'round the fire and sing Kumbaya! Courtney is not having it. She does NOT forgive and forget and she and Emily will not be friends. That is such a HEALTHY way to live, Courtney. Good luck with that!

And I don't think Emily misjudged her, she properly judged her, but judging is wrong (as displayed in these recaps) and it's the right thing to do that she apologized. 

I'll touch on how Courtney stayed up late and put make-up and cute leisure wear on and waited for Ben to come to her door, but it didn't happen. Then she cried and said guys always end up taking her for granted. I'm guessing it could be because she's a terrible person and guys eventually catch on to that? Just a guess...

Alright....The dreaded Two on One!!!

How annoying was Blakely being about this date?? NO ONE likes the two on one, it's like an unwritten rule. Yet, Blakely was excited? I'm telling you a screw is loose. Or she is just really confident and my self-esteem doesn't work like that and I'll never understand. Rachel was not excited like a normal person. Let's just get this over with. 

They are salsa dancing...perfect! Some one is ALWAYS left out in that. Let's fuel this fire! 

Those dresses. Dear me. Blakely is certain she has got this date in the bag. Salsa is sensual and sexual and she is those things. I think it may be more loose in every possible way, but however she wants to spin it. Blakely is giving Ben the sex eyes and dancing like Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler. Rachel is not going to let Blakely take over and his trying to shake what her mama gave her too. Then it comes to Rachel..."Blakely is tacky!" EUREKA. They move onto to dinner. It's uncomfortable for everyone. Then each get their individual time with Ben. Rachel is normal, tells Ben she really likes him. 

my eyes! my eyes!

Blakely has made some sort of book or what looked like an inspiration board. I had to shield my eyes. It gets down to the rose and Ben picks Rachel. I honestly think he's not really into either of them, but the thought of Blakely making him another keepsake was just too much to bear. Blakely is very upset and it really did make me sad. Robert even said semi-seriously, "she just needs love." and we all do. We all just need love. 

How about when Blakely was bawling and clutching Ben for dear life and they cut to the cat in the street. It just made the whole thing seem that much more sad.

I mean, Blakely is 34 and can't find love and to top it off here we have this ferrel cat on the streets of Panama city. Cut to homeless people. Cut to guns. The world is a terrible place. 

I really need to wrap this up because I have a hair appointment in 20 mintues. Yes, I've been doing this all day. How humiliating. Blakely has nothing on me. 

So, all episode long, we've all been wondering. What is going down with Casey S.? We've seen the previews of the crying and the Chris Harrison intervention and we know something is about to happen. But what? Did Casey's grandma die? Has Casey been diagnosed with some terminal illness? Chris comes in asks for Casey S. and all the girls are like WTF? Chris confronts Casey about having a boyfriend named Michael and they (ABC producers and Chris?) have actually spoken to Michael. Shoot. Busted. Michael says they are together! Casey says they are broken up! Someone is lying. Casey explains that Michael doesn't want to get married and she doesn't want to have feeling for him, but Chris pried it out of her she is still in LOVE with Michael. 

work stuff...blah blah... will finish this later....