Monday, February 23, 2009

Thank you for the warm welcome Alexis. I am so happy to be a part of the ppppffffftttttt family. For those of you who may have noticed, I deleted my previous post. It made me a little uncomfortable when I read it again. And, by uncomfortable, I mean it made me feel sorry for everyone else who had to read it. So, it is gone forever in the internet abyss.

Instead, here are a collection of quotes I have adorning my bulletin board on my desk at home:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. -Thoreau (a personal favorite)

You are almost there. - Fortune from a Fortune Cookie (got this fortune this summer the night before I took the Bar)

If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. - Katherine Hepburn (from a card Alexis got me for the fourth and final time I got called into Kappa Standards)

I love Latin. - Peggy Chambers (button we had to wear on our backpacks to get extra credit in Latin in college)

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything? - Vincent Van Gogh (card from strueber included in a care package from finals last year, inscription on the inside "stop bitching and study damn it!")

And finally...

Victory 2008! - Oklahoma County Democratic Party (on a button that Mary gave me during the primaries last year)

Please feel free to comment.



Drumroll please...................

Introducing, the first guest blogger to grace ppppffffftttttt........Ms. Sarah Smith ESQ.

May I just say...BRAVO. Loved every moment of your post. I'm inspired.

Sarah, what should we co-write now? A tv show? A novel? A children's book series? A screenplay? I think this blog is only the beginning. I don't believe in wizards, but I like to think fairies and unicorns are a possibility.

Oh and don't get accustomed to Sarah's intelligent, error-free writing. I know you might feel as if the world shifted a little when you checked this blog (mostly to prevent from poking yourself in the eye due to boredom at work and/or you were over of Perez for the day) and to your surprise, you found Anna Karenina and not The Nanny Diaries, but don't fret... I'll be back soon with a pointless story about where I work or an introspection, a quote and some misspelled words and all will be right once more.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Good News!

The economy is not doing that bad. Now, I know what you're thinking, unemployment is at an all time low, Obama is attempting to stimulate the economy, BUT I now know that things are not as dire as they seem. How do I know this?

I know this because someone out there is willing to pay $56.00 for 3 cans of Postum. That's right the bidding frenzy has begun and there are 6 bids-the highest at $56.00. If there are people out there that can afford Postum, a beverage that doesn't even have caffeine, then I think the economy can't be in that bad of shape.

Also, I don't think this Postum top bidder is exactly Melania Trump. Postum is not for the black American Express card holders or the Merrill Lynch executives who received large bonuses last year. It's just for the normal person, like you or I, working the 9-5. So, it's official, the normal person can still afford life's tiny luxuries and to someone that luxury is, you guessed it, Postum.

Melania Trump, thinking to herself, "No thank you, hold the Postum."

Yes, it's true that times are tough, but the bottom line is as long as people out there still can afford Postum, no one needs to be throwing around the term "depression". We're all going to be okay. You heard it here first, not exactly the Wall Street Journal, but whatever...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Cory's facebook status...

Okay, I'm totally exploiting my office lately, but I almost have to share this. Cory's facebook status last night.

"Cory has decided that Facebook and Blackberry's combine to create a blackhole in the middle of my existence... must uninstall."

Cory, get off facebook and spend time with your wife and children!! My gosh, what is the world coming to.

Today's status:

"Cory is recovering from an attempted assassination by his personal trainer yesterday... I am S-O-R-E."

Really, I can't take much more.

Corn Tortillas

I never know what the harmony in the office will be contingent upon, today, it was corn tortillas. The president of our company, Jeff, Trey and two of our company's lawyers had a noon meeting, so Jeff suggests they order in from his favorite place, Matitos. So, like a good assistant, I get the menu, take the orders and call it in. Every one's order is normal, except for Trey's. He wants three beef tacos a la carte and an order of corn tortillas. This is simple enough, just an order of corn tortillas.

Why does it bother me that he orders this side of corn tortillas? Does he eat them plain? Does he dip them in salsa? They don't really go with beef tacos. They go with fajitas, they go with queso, they do not go with tacos. I am annoyed with the corn tortillas. I order them, of course, but I'm panicked about them because if for some reason the corn tortillas do not make it to Trey, he will take it personally and it will cause his face to get red and I'll get nervous and feel inferior because I can't even order lunch without a mistake. I feel that Trey can see all over my face that I think his corn tortillas are stupid. I feel like the guy that took my order at Matitos can hear my disapproval of the side of corn tortillas over the phone. Why do I even care? Why have the tortillas become my pet peeve? They are just tortillas, to each his own, you know? If Trey wants to have corn tortillas for breakfast, lunch and dinner more power to him. Let it go, Alexis, let it go.

Needless to say, the corn tortillas made it safely to Trey's plate, where I'm sure he enjoyed them thoroughly. What's really my issue? I think I just need the weekend. I'm ready to not be someones assistant/waitress of corn tortillas...

TGIF --- these were Mary's first words to me this morning when I walked in the beautiful glass doors of RPI. Seriously, TGIF.

Postum Update: Mary received one inquiry about what the expiration date is on the Postum. It expired in February 2008. I feel like Mary and Kay are bootlegging expired Postum. Next thing you know they're going to be throwing Postum parties in basements. Yeah, I took it too far.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

1 piece of nicotine gum=4 cigarettes --The Office continued...

Here is another thing I don't understand about one of the employees here at RPI; if it's been 5 years since you've quit smoking, is it still necessary to chew nicotine gum in mass quantities? Apparently, it is. Hey, whatever helps you quit, I'm all for, but I don't get it.

Trey, the VP of RPI, chews probably 4 to 5 pieces of nicotine gum per hour. Not per day, per HOUR. I am not exaggerating. In the last month, due to the bad economy and the level of business coming in, Trey has decided that he is going to put Mary and I through "Lease School". This is good because neither of us want to be secretaries for the rest of our lives, but sometimes Lease School gets really awkward. It always starts out with a high school story from Trey, some kind of harsh statement that makes us really tense and then we start learning about real estate.

Today's Lease School began with a story about how Trey accidentally took drugs (high school story), then I asked Trey why he still chewed nicotine gum and he replied with, "So I don't kill people at work" (harsh statement) and then usually we proceed to learn about real estate. I don't know if Mary is feeling crazy today because of this Postum thing or what, but she decided that she wanted to chew some nicotine gum. Trey agreed to let her have some if she agreed to follow his instructions about chewing it. Chew four or five times, then hold it in the side of your mouth. Little did we know that one piece of it is equivalent to four cigarettes. You know, I may not remember what a cap rate is in five years, but I guarantee that I will remember that one piece of nicotine gum equals four cigarettes. Thank you for the education, Trey.

I'm telling you, the fun does not stop around here.

retracting statement....

I am officially no longer worried about the anxiety dreams that Michael Phelps may have had.

"He looked just as natural with a bong in his hand as he does swimming in the pool," one witness said. "He was the gold medalist of bong hits."

Good for you, Michael. Sweet dreams.

The Office

Yes, it's a TV show, so I'm not the first to come up with this concept that people at work are weird/entertaining. Really though, working with people is just a weird thing. You are with these people day in and day out...yet you set boundaries on getting to know them because you "work" together. It's like you know them, but you don't really KNOW them...or do you?

I've worked in a small office of 7 people for the past 2 years and there are still things that never cease to entertain me. For example, my 38 year-old boss and his new obsession with Facebook. He's on it more than a college freshman. Also, he is very impressed with the band, The Killers. I agree, they are a good band, but now that he likes them so much, I cannot think they're cool. There is just something about him that just makes it necessary to make fun of him at all times. You can't help it, he just makes it so easy. It's to the point where I don't even hesitate to call him out on things. "I saw your new album on facebook, Cory. That was a good one." The thing is though...he thinks I'm serious because I'm not a mean person. He causes me to be mean. This is ironic because I truly like him as a person, but it is impossible not to make fun of a man that tells the cabana boy when he is poolside at the Wynn in Las Vegas, "I'll have a pina colada...Malibu, make sure you make it with Malibu." Yes, he's straight, I promise...a wife and two kids. Just order a beer, Cory. No, of course, he can't.

Another constant stream of office entertainment comes from Kay. I've mentioned her before. Mary and I love her. She's a genius and the hardest worker I have EVER met, but there are things that I don't get. For instance, today Mary is putting cans of Postum on Ebay that Kay is auctioning. They no longer sell Postum, so Kay is thinking she is going to make a profit off of these superfluous Postums. When in Mary's life did she think she would be at work auctioning off Postums so that Kay could make $3.00?? These are the kind of things that happen here. Inexplicable, really. So as you enjoy the new episode of The Office tonight, just know that they don't have anything on RPI.

Happy Postum selling, Mary!